Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

[Plum02]

Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

Thanks, I like this idea!

Someone else is always going to have the same name unless you literally make one up. Your replies are really snippy. Your poor DH is probably afraid to suggest anything if that's your attitude to him as well!

I don't want to name my child after a famous person

Well all anyone will think of when hearing Margot is Margot Robbie and Barbie and Harley Quinn.

Those are nice ideas but I’d like it if he made suggestions like that! If he’d said “I’m not keen on Etta but how about Henrietta” I’d feel much better! Instead it feels like I have to come up with the ideas, only for them to be completely dismissed and laughed at.

I’m going to try some of the suggestions on this thread to get him more engaged in the process.

Pandora is a brand of jewellery!!!

I guess more people would agree with me than not. Partly because in my 61 years I have never met anyone called Venetia, Sibylla or Pandora, which suggests that people don't rate them as names!

I agree with your DH. The only one I like is Penelope. Ottilie is awful. If you want something unusual pick a traditional name. Not something that sounds made up. My name was rare when I was in infant and junior school. I never met anyone with the same name until I started secondary school. I wanted to be called Karen.

I literally just said “that doesn’t mean I don’t want my child to share the same name as someone else” ie. Of course there will be lots of people with the same name! All I’ve said is I want to choose a name because we like it rather than because we associate it with someone else we like. If I’m snippy it’s because explaining this a dozen times is incredibly tiresome. It seems like some people are wilfully misunderstanding.

I don’t think of Margot as Margot Robbie ?
If I had to come up with someone called Margot I’d think of Margot Durrell.

everyone doesn’t think the same

Names just invoke a gut reaction in the people who dislike them, so I understand why it’s difficult for your DH to “discuss” it or give you a reason why - it really is just a flat no, no reason necessary.

This is especially true for the kinds of names you’ve picked, which all fall within the same category and are polarising - they’re not the kind of names where you think “maybe not”, they’re “maybe yes”, “yes”, or “absolutely not, no chance in hell” names.

Can’t you pick 3 or 5 names each? Rule out any absolute nos and see if you can compromise on anything that’s left.

Why don't you just ask your DH for suggestions???

I liked Rebecca when we were having DC1. DH was less keen. When he'd seen me have a c/section after 3 failed attempts at induction, he said, "call her Rebecca if you want". I said no, because she didn't look like a Rebecca.

Before Pandora was a jewellery brand, it was the name of a woman in Greek mythology.

The fact that you've never met anyone called Venetia, Sibylla or Pandora evidences nothing except perhaps a fairly narrow social sphere.

Could something like Olivia be a compromise? Perhaps a more down-to-earth alternative to Ophelia/Octavia?

@Plum02 How about Plum? It's very pretty.

Margot Asquith, Margot Kidder and Margot Fonteyn

I have an extremely wide social sphere, what a bizarre thing to say!!!

I meet countless people in the course of my work, through my friends, through my siblings' friends and through my three children. I work for an organisation with 44,000 employees and I have never met a Venetia, a Sybilla or a Pandora. My knowledge of Greek and Roman civilisation is probably way broader than yours, but the fact remains that in 2024 people are going to associate Pandora with a charm bracelet.

Venetia used to be a popular name in Italy ….Latin ie Venice
dont know if it still is

I’d think of Pandora’s box and the first woman on earth

Pandoras jewellery wouldn’t occur to me but I’m not that into jewellery so 🤷‍♀️

To be fair I was quite keen on Phaedra, which as outcomes go is possibly worse than Ophelia's.

But do you really think given that OP’s DH doesn’t even like Ophelia, that he’d like those names?

Sibylla sounds like a disease

What happened to Phaedra I’ve never heard of her

Same here. There's a Pandora in Adrian Mole too. Pandora makes me think of the myth, the song by Procul Harum.

I’ve never met a woman with any of those names. Perhaps because I don’t live in a Narnia novel

I think most young women would think of the jewellery tbh.

I'm not a huge fan but I did recently buy two of their charms that are unique to Rome.

I would never post my children's names on Mumsnet!