Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

[Plum02]

Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

@Plum02 I had to jump on this because my DH was exactly the same. I remember saying to friends (when we were naming both children) "I don't understand how he can hate all my names with such a burning passion". Genuinely despised them all. Whereas for me, there aren't many names I "hate", I just wouldn't choose them?!

We actually agreed on most girl names, but boys...no chance (and FYI, for us it was the name "Savannah"). Took us the entire pregnancy. I quite like traditional names; he'd find them boring. He liked slightly more American-style names, which I found far too unusual for the UK.

I did exactly what you are doing - I searched and searched and just kept presenting options, and I think he was ready to shut them down before I even uttered the names. In the end I just said "I'm writing down my top 5, and you are going to do the same. Our child will be called one of these names". Refused to talk about it for a good 2 weeks once our lists had been created, just to give some breathing space, and then we did eventually agree!

Clementine means small orange where i come from.

There was a baby name specialist on This Morning, she was excellent at suggesting alternatives to names parents did not agree on. She tuned into sounds, name lengths etc to achieve compromise. Think she was called SJ Strum and is on Instagram etc. For what it's worth I like Nora and Valerie.

Not in name meanings

To add, Ophelia drowned herself in a mad grief. Never quite get that one. Although it’s better than Tamora, who unwittingly ate her sons in a pie, I guess.

But, like, don’t you know what happened to Ophelia?

I had a rabbit I named Ophelia, when I was a child (yes I was extra) and she died. I took it as a lesson in naming, to be honest. Poor thing was doomed.

I like most of your names but think your attitude absolutely sucks towards other posters. They’re allowed to disagree.

Then again I think all my children’s names would be on your list (I loved Sebastian but hated Seb so didn’t use, but my boys are of that ilk.) My daughter has a wonderful name…think Guinevere shortened to Gwen type of thing (yes Guinevere was on our list).
TBH if he refused to offer a name I’d just name them myself.

Oh, dear. If you interpreted Why don’t you go through a list of names of people who actually mean something to you both? Eg family members, favourite film actresses, fave bands, favourite poets, favourite books? to mean find common ground by naming DC after a film, book or band as opposed to try and find names that work for you both, here are some possible sources to get you started then your reading comprehension is poor.

Multiple people have pointed out how poorly you’re coming across here, but sure. You’re not being argumentative.

I started this thread thinking your DH was being unreasonable. Now, I feel a bit sorry for him. This must be exhausting to deal with. Good night.

What do you mean, "it isn't the right approach for us" - your husband literally hasn't taken any "approach"!!

Yes, I know Ophelia is a tragic character but I think it’s enough of a stand-alone name now to work. It won’t be everyone’s taste and that’s fine. I haven’t asked for opinions on name choices - some people will like the names I like and some people won’t. If you don’t like the names I’ve suggested, I probably won’t like the names you choose either. That’s not the point of the thread and the hundreds of rude comments on the names have derailed it. I haven’t been rude about anyone’s name suggestions or opinions.

Oh jesus.

Oh Jesus would make a change from Olivia and Ophelia !

If I’d be put off by a name being strongly associated with a band/book/film, looking to those sources for name ideas isn’t the right approach for us, since we need to find a name we both like. Other suggestions like using an app, baby name book etc are suggestions that are likely to work much better for us.

I think you need to get him to make a list.

Then you can see if you like any of them, or if not, at least get a sense of the kind of thing he likes and see if there's anything you like that might work for him.

I said I don’t want to name my child after someone, I’d like to find a name we like in it’s own right as I’d be put off by an association with someone else. That makes sense in the context of the comment you’ve summarised. I said it in a perfectly polite way. You’re trying to insist on turning it into an argument.

Jesus Christ. 🤣

Suggestions entirely in keeping with OP's list. What's wrong with that?

Yep. I'm with your husband. Those are ugly, fussy, angular names.

It's a example of Emperor's New Clothes. People go with them because they're popular and on trend, not because they're actually nice.

Fwiw I think your names are lovely. Strongly support getting this nailed down before birth as you will not have the headspace for this level of obstinacy once the baby is here.
I would say you will be naming the baby Ottilie and your surname unless he comes up with his own long list.
It sounds as if he is enjoying his eye roll reaction to your suggestions which is actually quite nasty. Is he often this unpleasant to you?

You'll be hard put to find a name that isn't in a film, book or band tbh!!

For what it's worth I see absolutely no evidence that you are trying to be posh op. And to suggest it is spiteful at worst and unevidenced at best. I think you just like the sound of the names. And what is wrong with that? For every name out there you could find someone with that name who was mad bad or dangerous to know. I recently met a little girl called Myra and for bad connotations that name is hard to beat! But I guess only those of my generation would react. One of the most evil sadistic women in history was called Elizabeth . But who would think of that now?

They're awful and pretentious!! And the OP's DH doesn't like that style of name???

There’s a difference between a name happening to feature in books and films and choosing a name based on a film or book you like. I don’t want to name my DC after someone. That doesn’t mean I don’t want anyone to share the same name.

You may think Venetia, Sibylla or Pandora are awful and pretentious. Just your opinion and not everyone agrees with you.

Another way of approaching it is asking your dh, and yourself, what you would hope for in your child’s character and then find names that have that meaning

You can literally google
names that mean kind for example and you’ll get a list.

just a thought OP

One of my children had an unusual name. It was a real name. But people mangled it, misspelt it etc. (They eventually changed it.) My next child had a very standard name - not very common but at least everybody knew how to spell it and say it. I think with Ottilie you'll probably end up with a daughter called Otter who spends a lifetime spelling out her name.

As for the others, people will promise the silent "t" in Margot. I agree that Etta doesn't sound like a real name. I quite like the classical name Octavia but the car thing? If you really like Etta what about Harriet or Henrietta with Etta as a nickname?

If you want a classical name what about Athena? Or Diana the Roman version of Athena? Or Marina?