To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

[juiceboxjuggle]

My sister-in-law (SIL), has a cat that’s… let’s just say, difficult. The cat is quite aggressive—she’s bitten me before while I was just sitting on the sofa, scratched my husband simply for sitting too close to her toy, and even leapt at people with claws out from the back of a sofa or armchair. She also has this habit of scratching legs under the table while people are eating. It’s not exactly a relaxing presence.

This Christmas, we’re staying at my parents-in-law’s (PILs) house for two nights, which is non-negotiable with my husband. SIL will also be staying, and, as always, she’ll be bringing her cat. The cat is her world, and last year, when I gently suggested she keep the cat in a separate room during meals, she was really upset. She insists the cat needs to be “free to roam.”

As a result, last Christmas was stressful. Despite my best efforts to keep an eye on my two toddlers, one of them ended up with a big scratch from the cat while swinging their legs under the table—just normal kid behavior. To make matters worse, my husband has also been scratched in the past, simply because the cat was annoyed he wasn’t feeding her.

I’m dreading a repeat of last year and honestly don’t know how to handle this situation. How do I keep my kids safe without upsetting SIL again? I’d love to be able to enjoy a meal without constantly chasing the cat away or worrying about potential injuries. Any advice on how to navigate this?

Can you get her to clip the cat's claws? That would be the first thing I'd do. Second thing, the cat is clearly stressed by the situation, which is why it's behaving like this. It needs to be in a room on its own quietly. When my own cat is overstimulated by lots of noise and people he doesn't know he will also attack. It's a stress response. For that reason I don't expose him to stressful situations! Third thing, keep your children away from the cat altogether. If it's not used to kids, it won't know how to behave.

Keep the cat away from the children you mean, not keep the children from the cat.

Humans first.

ODFOD. Your reading comprehension seems to be non-existent.

I've already said the cat needs to be in a room on its own. It will not therefore be a case of keeping the cat away from the children, but of ensuring that the children don't go in looking for the cat.

SIL is unhinged, it's a fucking CAT. Comparing it to your kids is just batshit and the rest of the family pussyfooting around this ridiculous woman and her animal is just as nuts as she is.

Well you need to start being dramatic and make it not ok to argue with you so that upsetting SIL is the lesser of two evils. You need to go absolutely ape shit at him about this cat hurting your kids. Either the cat is kept away from your kids or you don't go, or you leave the minute there are problems. Simples.

And as PP have said the cat is behaving like that because it is stressed out being taken away from its familiar environment to a strange house with strange people and a load of noise.

SIL is a twat and hasn't got the first clue how to look after a cat. The cat needs to stay at home. It is not a baby or a dog FFS.

https://www.petplan.co.uk/pet-information/blog/should-i-take-my-cat-on-holiday-pet-sitter/#:~:text=In%20a%20perfect%20world%2C%20cats,the%20specific%20smells%20and%20sounds.

thats her problem - she needs to take control of her life not blame everyone else for her issues

regarding the cat, i would be saying very loudly "how would you like it if my child hurt your cat?"

shes also batshit- i love cats but they are cats, not kids!!!

Indeed. Again I think some people who are going on about “keeping the kids from the cats” aren’t understanding a significant part of the issue is the fact the SIL is refusing to facilitate this.

The cat is her world, and last year, when I gently suggested she keep the cat in a separate room during meals, she was really upset. She insists the cat needs to be “free to roam.”

The SIL is insisting the cat be allowed to roam free. How do the kids stay away from the cat if it’s coming up to them while they’re trying to eat a meal?

Unless of course they mean the cat should be shut in another room which the kids don’t enter or it shouldn’t come at all, because that’s the only way for the kids to stay away from the cat?

But again the issue is the SIL is refusing this.i It’s not as if the Op hasn’t thought of and suggested this already!

Poor cat is probably stressed out
I love cats and I have no kids but your SIL is unhinged , the cat should not be allowed to Christmas

Sure, she's lonely. But that doesn't mean my kids should be scratched

She doesn't want to spend Xmas away from her baby, when her brother (my DH) suggested it she asked how he'd feel spending it away from DCs

Okay, problem solved - send the kids in one of these: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Smiffys-Childrens-Armoured-Jumpsuit-Headpiece/dp/B01CW38LVM/ref=asc_df_B01CW38LVM?mcid=fdef2e38813b3476ae5bc9dacfc73f08&th=1&psc=1&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=697356434051&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=693135453925022283&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9193352&hvtargid=pla-407055457806&psc=1&gad_source=1

SIL will probably have hysterics, but it'll all be a bit more drama for her to enjoy

She is absolutely out of her mind. She needs help. Her hopelessly spoiled animal is out of control and attacking people and she thinks it has more right to wander about slicing children’s ankles up than the children have a right not to be attacked by a marauding cat. Ridiculous. She is also being hugely cruel to her cat by dragging it around and pretending it is a child. The poor thing. I really feel for you, I think you should not take the kids if they are second to a cat and likely to be hurt.

Exactly this.

How could she be lonely? She has her cat that fulfils her every need everywhere, anytime.

Or to look at it another way, it's no wonder she's lonely if her priority at all times is her cat at the expense of others' safety from the claws, the claws.

I hope she's ok.

Time to say no more OP. No More.

I'm from abroad, it's not feasible to go to my parents' over Xmas, it's not as big a deal for them (in the country where I'm from) and we usually visit them for new years plus during some celebrations that are significant in my culture.

This made me laugh 😃. Not a bad idea though.

Well I would also be asking DH that.

Either the cat isn’t there, or you and your DC won’t be. DH gets to choose between the cat and ILS or his own wife and child. If you really think that decision would be a big deal, you have far bigger problems than an aggressive feline.

And the answer to that should have been "I would miss them but I would cope with it as I am an adult and understand that the needs of my children come before my feelings". Similarly, if she really loves her "baby" she needs to do what's best for the cat. And what's best for the cat is staying home.

Sure, she's lonely. But that doesn't mean my kids should be scratched

Absolutely, so after reading pages and pages showing the overwhelming majority agree with this stance - have you now decided to stand up to your husband and in-laws and voice that sentiment?

Refuse to go.
One of your childrens parents need to stand up for them.

I love cats and have two of my own. They are beautiful animals and definitely at their best in their own space. I'm appalled that anyone would put a territory-driven animal in an alien environment, surround her with loads of people (including loud, unpredictable toddlers) and not care about the consequences for her or those around her.

I'm also appalled that anyone can be insouciant about cat scratches, especially where children are involved. Cat-scratch fever is a thing; I was hospitalised with it when I was four or five. (It didn't put me off cats though.) But even if there is no infection, a swipe to the face could catch an eye, causing long-term problems. That's not something you can be casual about and I'd suggest accosting wet-lettuce DH with the possibility. If he remains unwilling to ask his Dsis to leave Fluffy at home, tell him that you and your DC will be staying at home instead. He can't please you and someone who'd put his children at risk.

@juiceboxjuggle - you wrote "DH won't deal with it because his sister was literally in tears last year and his approach is that it's only 3 days / 2 nights, we should keep a close eye on our children, it'll be exhausting but at least peaceful (he avoids conflict like the plague)."

He appeases his sister because it's easier to deal with any fall out you may have about the situation than any fall out she may have.

I'd be very clear now - 1st December - and I'd say to him "I'm not subjecting DKids to the possibility of being scratched again by your sister's cat. You tell her today that if we're expected, the cat is kept away from the kids. The first time I see the cat, I'm packing the car and heading home with the kids. It's that's simple. You can sort this right now, or have it all blow up at Christmas instead. What do you want to do?"

It's not acceptable that your kids run the risk of getting a nasty scratch or bite from a cat, which could make them afraid of pets as they grow up which is very unfair of their father to subject them to.

Im not bashing ALL single people or insinuating that they're ALL insufferable. My comment was directly related to the SIL!

Yeah I hate those comments. I’ve always found it insulting and quite frankly inaccurate because as you say many awful people are partnered (and many decent people are single).

But yet no one would say “no wonder they’re married” if someone is displaying bad behaviour.

Even ifs directed at one specific person it perpetuates the idea that if someone is single there’s something wrong with them.

A Million percent this!!!

Be the only responsible adult in this group and do not subject your children to this madness. They will survive a year without having to travel to the in-laws for Christmas.