Don't know what to make of DH's lack of concern

[Boots4me]

I have been feeling ill since Friday: sense of doom, feeling sick, and stomach pains. I have a range of pre-existing health conditions, and I often feel unwell.

DH isn't too concerned, he keeps saying "it's probably a virus, you'll be fine."

He then suggested going to A&E which I didn't want to and I'm sure he said that to shut me up.

But I feel so upset and angry at his indifference. He keeps either downplaying my concerns or telling me that there is nothing he can do. I've just ignored him for now am not responding to him

I just wanted him to listen to me.

Have you explained that you want him to listen and empathise?

As you are often unwell he probably doesn't really know what to say/think. He's accepting the information you are providing at face value.

Realistically what can he do? He told you to go to A&E, you said no.

I understand it's horrible to feel unwell but you're being ridiculous.

Kindly, maybe with you having health issues he's kind of immune to it now.

Well I don't know. What CAN he do? You say you often feel unwell...is it a repetitive topic for him?

You often feel unwell, you don’t want to go to A&E.

He’s listened to you and offered a solution. He’s right, at this moment, there’s nothing he can do.

Are you going to try and get a GP appointment tomorrow morning?

Tbh it sounds like he’s frustrated with you telling him you feel unwell. Are you unwell often? It can become emotionally draining if you complain about symptoms then do nothing about them,

He’s probably bored of it all. I have a chronic condition and don’t go sympathy hunting because I recognise how exhausting that is for people. I honestly get bored of myself talking about it.

Living with someone who is chronically unwell can be hard. You hear the pain, the illness and the discomfort. You know it’s there. You mostly can’t help, but you keep hearing it and at some point you do become somewhat numb to what is a normal state of affairs and need a way to pick out what is new or urgent. He might not be the slickest at communicating this but I don’t think he is unconcerned for you, just not triggered into action.

What do you want him to do? What are you doing about it yourself? Are you taking medication, resting or just complaining? If it's really that serious and the medicine you can access isn't doing anything, I agree with him that you should consider A&E. And he's right that in that case there isn't anything he can do.

Getting into a panic and over-dramatising would be the wrong thing too, surely? So what do you want, OP? Most people when they're ill just want to be left alone, so I'd be at a bit of a loss too, tbh.

I just want him to listen to me that is all. Instead he decided to shut me down. I wants to speak to me now but I've decided I am not going to speak to him.

What do you mean, a sense of doom? Can't recall seeing that listed as a symptom of any virus.

What health issues do you have? Are they normally so dramatic? Of course you don't have to say, but sounds like he's a bit indifferent with them for whatever reason

It does feel very attention seeking, and added to the "deciding not to speak to him" very immature

Who else am I going to speak to about this? Every time I said something he would just shut me down. He just doesn't care.

Sense of doom is often associated with sepsis.

He probably does care but may be a bit emotionally fatigued if you are often unwell.

He's likely sick of listening to you go on then isn't he? I have a chronic health problem and I get sick of myself tbh and that's all internal groaning when I have a bad day. I prefer to isolate and do what I know they can help, moaning to everyone else does nothing but bring the house down.
He HAS offered suggestions to help but unless he is a medic himself there's not much else he can do except pic up the slack.

Good God.

A feeling of impending doom is noted by medical professionals to be a potential indicator of both heart attacks and sepsis.

Sense of doom is a symptom that is quite important. Do you have a temperature, Op? I understand how you feel about your other half not being that bothered, but I'm more worried about you - do you have a thermometer?

It's listed as a heart attack or mild heart failure, symptom, so are stomach pains and feeling sick.
So he was right to suggest A&E. OP there's nothing more he can do and as said it gets very wearing listening to health issues.

It's not nice for someone to be unsympathetic. But he feels helpless. He can't cure your illness.
Just tell him, I just want some sympathy, a cuddle, a cup of tea maybe? Just say it gently, he'll probably realise he needs to be kinder.
When I'm unwell I prefer to be alone, as I know I'll just moan and the other person isn't actually able to do anything about it.
I hope you feel better soon. Just go to bed and watch videos and eat biscuits. Don't do anything for the rest of the day x

And anaphylactic shock.

Have you tried journaling, as an outlet for your feelings and to get things out? Most people’s capacity for listening to somebody who is always unwell talk about how unwell they feel is limited, and if you don’t feel ill enough that you think you need to attend hospital, it’s really just a case of doing all the usual things like rest, fluids, staying warm etc.

Why don't you want to go to A&E op?
If you're feeling much worse than normal why would you not go?