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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel shell shocked at the party aftermath?

376 replies

outofbattery · 01/12/2024 13:21

I'm a bit shell shocked and need to air my thoughts somewhere.

We had a party at home last night. It's an annual event, with 8-10 families. So about 30-40 people. The parents are usually in/around the kitchen and dining area and the kids have the run of the lounge and kids bedroom upstairs. Pretty hands off adulting. Kids get checked on periodically/we're not far away if needed. This has worked well for years, with the amount of supervision decreasing as the kids get older. We're just next door if anything starts sounding suss. The oldest kids who usually come are now around 6. I'd say usually it takes me around an hour to clear up the chaos of the fancy dress box, toys etc from the kids. Very few broken items (accidents happen, that's fine) or disasters. Everyone plays nicely together.

Yesterday we had a new family in the mix, and I cannot believe the difference. The children (not just the two new ones I'm sure, but they seem to have been the instigators) have drawn on walls, hammered a wooden table with I presume a pen so it has chips in the varnish and dents in the wood, they've taken additional food and hidden the evidence (wrappers stuffed down the back of the sofa and under the carpet etc). They played knock and run on my neighbours door (climbed the garden fence which the littlest definitely can't do), kept turning up the music till it was deafening, used fruit shoots as water pistols. A bunch of the kids were discovered under the bed in my room at one point as these children were leading a hunt for Christmas presents. Anything I asked them not to do they then either did or tried to get others to do it. They lied directly to my face, convinced the youngers to carry out tasks which would get them in trouble. The list goes on. I asked the parents to intervene several times and the response was 'what's the point? They don't listen to me!'. I know it wasn't just them doing the things, but I'm very certain it was the older/newer two leading the way on everything. Am quite astonished how quickly the other 15 or so children stopped behaving like the nice, trustworthy, chilled out kids that they usually are.

I can't decide whether it's these two in particular and to never invite them to my home again, or is this just what we have to look forward to from 7 (almost 8) year olds?! We've honestly never had an issue in the past even with 10+ tiny toddlers/preschoolers/5 year olds running riot.

Really upset about my walls and furniture :( feel like I've come into the scene of a 'teenagers left alone' party, not a bunch of 3-7 year olds!!

OP posts:
PeloMom · 01/12/2024 17:46

That’s a lot of very young kids to be left without proper supervision. If I were hosting I’d get 1-2 babysitters to keep an eye on them so that we can all enjoy the party. The cost of that is much lower than any potential damages.

MzHz · 01/12/2024 17:47

@outofbattery oh I see, most of the damage only come to light now. Don’t invite them again. If they ask, refer them to the photos.

you owe them nothing.

OnlyinBlackandWhite · 01/12/2024 17:52

Have you never read Lord of the Flies, OP?

CandyMaker · 01/12/2024 17:53

PeloMom · 01/12/2024 17:46

That’s a lot of very young kids to be left without proper supervision. If I were hosting I’d get 1-2 babysitters to keep an eye on them so that we can all enjoy the party. The cost of that is much lower than any potential damages.

Why should OP pay for babysitters when the parents are there?

FestiveFruitloop · 01/12/2024 17:56

PeloMom · 01/12/2024 17:46

That’s a lot of very young kids to be left without proper supervision. If I were hosting I’d get 1-2 babysitters to keep an eye on them so that we can all enjoy the party. The cost of that is much lower than any potential damages.

Or alternatively, the parents could parent.

murasaki · 01/12/2024 18:01

The new family would definitely not be invited again.

PeloMom · 01/12/2024 18:03

CandyMaker · 01/12/2024 17:53

Why should OP pay for babysitters when the parents are there?

She decided to host? As the host it’s her job. And it’s a party not a supervised play date - if I were invited I’d expect the host to have enough kid entertainment and supervision so that I can you know, enjoy the party.

housethatbuiltme · 01/12/2024 18:04

This is why we don't have people in our house, yes I have encountered it before many time when I was younger with friends coming round and breaking stuff/stealing stuff and causing havoc. I'm always amazed people on mumsnet pretend they have never encountered it when Ive mentioned it in the past. Adults can be a nightmare too snooping through personal things etc...

I wouldn't leave kids that young unsupervised anyway though, seems like very lapsed parenting and its amazing its took this long to have issues.

Fluufer · 01/12/2024 18:05

PeloMom · 01/12/2024 18:03

She decided to host? As the host it’s her job. And it’s a party not a supervised play date - if I were invited I’d expect the host to have enough kid entertainment and supervision so that I can you know, enjoy the party.

Really? At a house party? You'd expect entertainment and childcare for small children at a house party?

GoldenLegend · 01/12/2024 18:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I should think they were at the party.

PeloMom · 01/12/2024 18:07

Fluufer · 01/12/2024 18:05

Really? At a house party? You'd expect entertainment and childcare for small children at a house party?

Yes. It’s not 3-4 kids it’s around 20. Of course I’d expect that.

DisforDarkChocolate · 01/12/2024 18:07

I'm baffled by the previous lack of supervision, I expected you to say the eldest was 16 not 6!!

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 01/12/2024 18:09

Fluufer · 01/12/2024 18:05

Really? At a house party? You'd expect entertainment and childcare for small children at a house party?

I wouldn’t expect entertainment at a party but maybe a DVD. At one party in a huge house which we visited annually at the period between Christmas and new year the Wizard of Oz film always seemed to be on TV every year in an upstairs living room away from the main party, which I liked.

Sageteatowels · 01/12/2024 18:11

We regularly attend and host parties like this with around 20 kids aged 5-11. We have NEVER had damage like you described (some messiness, accidentally spilled water, dress up clothes not put away afterwards etc). They are great kids.

So don't give up entirely. Just don't invite the new family again!

Fluufer · 01/12/2024 18:12

PeloMom · 01/12/2024 18:07

Yes. It’s not 3-4 kids it’s around 20. Of course I’d expect that.

You must move in different circles than me then. A TV a couple of board games is the most I'd ever expect from a house party. I've never ever heard of childcare being provided at a house party.

CandyMaker · 01/12/2024 18:14

PeloMom · 01/12/2024 18:03

She decided to host? As the host it’s her job. And it’s a party not a supervised play date - if I were invited I’d expect the host to have enough kid entertainment and supervision so that I can you know, enjoy the party.

Its a party for families, not a kids party. I would not invite you with your attitude.

Standingontheedgeofforever · 01/12/2024 18:14

discomongoose · 01/12/2024 13:42

Wow, I thought you were going to say the kids were teens or similar. But the oldest were 6/7 and you had 15-20 of them pretty much unsupervised?! Way too young to be leaving them out of sight like this and you should have expected things would get damaged. This is on you and the other parents, not the kids. Whatever possessed you?!

Also young kids leaving your property without you even noticing, you should count yourself lucky the worst thing that happened was possessions being damaged and none of the children got hurt!

This... I originally read it as the youngest being six.. but the oldest?! So neglectful!!

Nanny0gg · 01/12/2024 18:18

PeloMom · 01/12/2024 18:07

Yes. It’s not 3-4 kids it’s around 20. Of course I’d expect that.

Blimey

Standingontheedgeofforever · 01/12/2024 18:20

2110l · 01/12/2024 14:26

No - I voted YABU because I think OP brought the problems on herself by having a party and knowingly leaving a bunch of 3-7yos largely unsupervised. The consequences are pretty easy to foresee, so I don’t think the OP should actually be shocked. And my children definitely never behaved like this - now adults.

Too late to vote, but YABU would have been mine for this reason!

Kendodd · 01/12/2024 18:20

We have always had and go to parties like this while all our kids were growing up. Including renting big houses away for the weekend together a few time. Children largely left to run wild.
Never had destruction anything even close like this.
Our kids are teens/young adults now.

notquitetonedeaf · 01/12/2024 18:23

Every year we invite a bunch of families round and we play a game in which we all close our eyes and run across the road. In previous years everything has been fine, but this year a new family joined in and several of us got pasted by a truck. So clearly its the new family who are to blame, not our astonishing naivete in engaging in this behavior in the first place, right?

Kendodd · 01/12/2024 18:23

PeloMom · 01/12/2024 17:46

That’s a lot of very young kids to be left without proper supervision. If I were hosting I’d get 1-2 babysitters to keep an eye on them so that we can all enjoy the party. The cost of that is much lower than any potential damages.

Do you get invited to many parties?

ThatPearlViewer · 01/12/2024 18:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Kendodd · 01/12/2024 18:25

I'm shocked reading this thread and the terrible behaviour some parents seem to be just shoulder shrugging at.

CandyMaker · 01/12/2024 18:35

Kendodd · 01/12/2024 18:25

I'm shocked reading this thread and the terrible behaviour some parents seem to be just shoulder shrugging at.

I'm not. Although the skill is identifying these parents and not inviting them and their children to anything you organise.