To feel shell shocked at the party aftermath?

[outofbattery]

I'm a bit shell shocked and need to air my thoughts somewhere.

We had a party at home last night. It's an annual event, with 8-10 families. So about 30-40 people. The parents are usually in/around the kitchen and dining area and the kids have the run of the lounge and kids bedroom upstairs. Pretty hands off adulting. Kids get checked on periodically/we're not far away if needed. This has worked well for years, with the amount of supervision decreasing as the kids get older. We're just next door if anything starts sounding suss. The oldest kids who usually come are now around 6. I'd say usually it takes me around an hour to clear up the chaos of the fancy dress box, toys etc from the kids. Very few broken items (accidents happen, that's fine) or disasters. Everyone plays nicely together.

Yesterday we had a new family in the mix, and I cannot believe the difference. The children (not just the two new ones I'm sure, but they seem to have been the instigators) have drawn on walls, hammered a wooden table with I presume a pen so it has chips in the varnish and dents in the wood, they've taken additional food and hidden the evidence (wrappers stuffed down the back of the sofa and under the carpet etc). They played knock and run on my neighbours door (climbed the garden fence which the littlest definitely can't do), kept turning up the music till it was deafening, used fruit shoots as water pistols. A bunch of the kids were discovered under the bed in my room at one point as these children were leading a hunt for Christmas presents. Anything I asked them not to do they then either did or tried to get others to do it. They lied directly to my face, convinced the youngers to carry out tasks which would get them in trouble. The list goes on. I asked the parents to intervene several times and the response was 'what's the point? They don't listen to me!'. I know it wasn't just them doing the things, but I'm very certain it was the older/newer two leading the way on everything. Am quite astonished how quickly the other 15 or so children stopped behaving like the nice, trustworthy, chilled out kids that they usually are.

I can't decide whether it's these two in particular and to never invite them to my home again, or is this just what we have to look forward to from 7 (almost 8) year olds?! We've honestly never had an issue in the past even with 10+ tiny toddlers/preschoolers/5 year olds running riot.

Really upset about my walls and furniture :( feel like I've come into the scene of a 'teenagers left alone' party, not a bunch of 3-7 year olds!!

I didn't read it all. Once i read eldest child 6 and you left them all unattended I new you all made a mistake .
Lazy parenting usually ends with disaster.
If you don't want to watch the young children and have fun with friends then get a babysitter .

Never ever invite them again on the basis that their parents couldn't give a fuck.

When you asked the parents to intervene and they responded with ‘what’s the point’ - that’s when I would have asked them to leave and take their children with them. If they want to allow their kids to be feral in their own home, that’s one thing, but standing by while they actively damage things and behave badly in someone else’s home is entirely something else.

Which is what’s happened in previous years - until the new family arrived.

This! Sounds like a recipe for fucking chaos. Not in my house thanks 😂

Also I did roll my eyes at "pretty hands off adulting" when these kids are 6 and under 😳

Lord of the Flies sprang to mind.

We go to very similar parties OP, in fact we went to one last Saturday where there were 7 families, about 18 children. They ranged from 4 to 14. The kids had free rein of the upstairs and the den, the grown ups were in the open plan kitchen / dining room. There were a few squabbles but in general the kids all played really nicely and nothing was damaged other than some sprite spilling on a bed. I definitely don't think it's 'the norm' for things to get so out of control and I'd be tempted not to invite the new family next year

Tv and board games for a bunch of 3-5 yr olds? OP said oldest is 6. How much attention span and rule following skills that age group has? Yes my social circle tends to have more common sense than that.

This.

it’s not normal in answer to your question.

since your and the others children have been fine before then they will be fine when older.

If this bad influence is removed they will be ok I think. Someone bigger, stronger and older than you telling you it’s ok to do something is what small children have learned is right. They know not to make their own decisions and follow rules, so an older child can very easily lead them astray. Badly behaved older children are a high risk to yours so disinvite. Parents can deal with their decision not to parent.

Parenting sounds lax but do people really not let their 6 year old play upstairs alone? Mine does and is probably safer in a group as if anything happened others would alert me. If there are say three girls playing upstairs I'd shout up every so often to ask if they're okay and expect to hear 3 voices in reply but wouldn't necessarily go up more than once a half hour. I'd check more frequently with a bigger group but can imagine a lot of mess can be made in 10 minutes and also that some of it might not be immediately evident.

In my experience it’s down to parenting there’s one family I know with a blind eye type parenting/soft. But with the worst behaved children. House is always trashed when they leave. However with the kids getting older I’m not sure it’s going to get easier until they are teens and staring at phones.

And more money clearly. We just keep an eye on our own kids, like normal people at house parties.

I agree. I would never have had house parties if I was expected to hire babysitters and entertainment.

Madness isn't it? We have been known to splurge on a bouncy castle in the summer. But if I'm paying for babysitters, I'm going out.

Kids get checked on periodically

How did the kids manage to do ALL that
between checks?

Why are you allowing under 6s to be unsupervised for so long? I despise big parties where kids are allowed to run feral in a pack as they feed off each other's energy and it's only a matter time before someone gets seriously hurt or something gets broken.

We have friends who pay for professional nannies to supervise the kids during events of this size and scale. Works perfectly for the host and guests.

@User54614664 Professional nannies? I assume you are pretty well off?

Ahhh no sticky brownie hands!!! Eep!! But yes that's the sort of innocent aftermath I'm used to 😂

I’ve been to parties with kids in the 6-10 bracket and this sort of stuff had never happened! They’ve danced and eaten too many sweets and been loud, but never anything destructive! YANBU.

To be fair they did do a half arsed attempt at talking to the kids, but that was their initial response and when it became apparent I still expected them to try they went. However have also discovered since that other children Inc my DC told this parent when their children were misbehaving and they didn't intervene. I don't know them that well, but today getting the impression this isn't unusual parenting behaviour from them. Feel bad for their kids if they have no boundaries. Can imagine as another response said that the invites would dry up after a while if this is how they behave, which feels sad really.

6-10 isn’t the same as oldest being 6.

40 people in a terrace house sounds like hell.

Dread to think what would happen if there was a fire.

That's a fair assessment, it's a lot down to the individual.

I think previously we've taken steps like 'limit the number of outfits in the fancy dress box so it's not utter carnage' and we put really precious toys out of reach just in case they get caught in the sugar fuelled cross fire. But it's all usually very innocent, high energy fun. This time was definitely at a level I'm not used to and was therefore mentally unprepared for!

Haven’t RTFT but YANB. Definitely don’t invite them ever again.