Vile text

[JustWondering222]

My 10yr old received a horrendous text last night (honestly I've never seen anything like it. So many swear words, telling him to kill himself 😧 telling him to suck pussy, telling him everyone hates him (the f word was used quite a few times as were other foul swear words.. basically every other word was a swear word and the general message was to go kill yourself because you r the worst of the worst) from someone that's normally a good friend. I was really shocked because my DC is quite innocent and didn't even understand half the message or half the words used.

I sent the mum a screenshot so she can ask her child about it and have talked to my DC about it and he feels ok. I praised him for showing me the text. He knows I've texted the mum so is worried he'll get called a snitch, but otherwise he's fine. I've reassured him he did the right thing. He's quite popular at school and has never been bullied or received anything like this before. The two boys are normally good friends and have a lovely friendship group. They've known each other several years, had playdates etc..

My question is, is it enough just to raise this with the boys mum, or would you also mention something to school? (I'm just quite shocked at the language and venom coming out of a 10yr old. I'm a bit worried about the boy to be honest.. Also a bit worried because another child might get v upset by this kind of message. My son has another friend that is very vulnerable and has sen and the boy that sent the message previously had a falling out with this child. If he sent such a text to this boy, or another like him, it would likely quite severely impact them.)

If you tell the school the mum will be cross (I think - if you know her maybe she wouldn't. If my DS had done such a thing I wouldn't be cross if you told the school, but some would). Question is do you think she can deal with it effectively? If yes you could leave it. If no I would definitely go to the school and definitely if anything else happens. Clear safeguarding issues

Absolutely have him say you check his phone and tell the school.

This type of behaviour is 100% unacceptable and you need to report to the school.

Your son may not be the only child to have received texts like that.

If it's that foul including encouraging to kill himself, I would be calling 101 for advice.

Not all children will show parents this type of text if they receive it.

Something so vile was premeditated.
It needs to be taken very seriously.

Definitely tell school op. Something like this would get you in serious trouble at school, parents called in, pastoral care involved including heavy sanctions and a full heavy hand. Don't worry about the mums feelings here, your ds is priority.

I would tell the school. Show them the message but don’t pass it on it could cause consequences for you. There is the possibility that the child didn’t actually send it.

Firstly I am not sure that allowing a ten year old what’s app is a good idea my 15 year old does not have it and does not need it for safely, but that is slightly moot as the safer platforms would have had the same result as he was a friend.

I had a similar issue with my daughter but I would not just send a screenshot and hope for a response, I went straight round there showed the mum what her daughter had sent and she dealt with it straight away. This way there is no hiding behind text you get a true response and can read the person something often lost in typed communication

Well it seems mum has had her chance. OP messaged her yesterday and has still had no reply. So she’s clearly not that bothered. At the age of ten this boy has committed an offence for which he can be held liable. A bullying and abusive text and encouragement to suicide. I really think it goes beyond the parents, and even the school and the police should be informed, if only so they can scare the living daylights out of the boy and stop this in it’s tracks.

I don’t think there are any consequences for OP in passing it on, because it’s evidence of an offence. Even if the boy in question didn’t send it, someone else did and it needs to be investigated properly.

Just a thought - could an older sibling have got hold of the phone and sent the text? It's been known to happen.

Several people making the same suggestion. Either way, if he didn’t send it, someone else had access and did, so they need to find who was actually responsible.

Parental controls, limited time and monitoring on your own device mitigates them seeing this. If you do see it, report it.

Those are very extreme examples and again I’m not the kind of scaremongered parent who withholds things in case rate occurrences might happen. I think the kids whose parents strictly limit liberties are the ones who hide things, sneak around and become dishonest. You can’t quell preteen and teen curiosities, no matter how reasonable it is to do so.

Besides, they could just was easily be shown this in person when you’re not around. Sadly you can’t control the actions of others, so don’t think restricting devices means they’re completely safe from being exposed to graphic content.

Tell the school.

My son and a couple of friends did the same. One child being horribly bullied. They went to the head of year. Perpetrator was given a warning, kicked out of a local football team and sundry other punishments. Parents went to war on his behalf and the little shit carried on bullying where there were no witness.

Wow you must have some higher level of information than the rest of us you don’t know whether the mum has seen it or is trying to find out what happened.

As I said I would go and see the mum or at least phone not just send a message you don’t even know if the kid has had her phone and deleted it.

Call or go round there and then decide anything else will not have a grasp of the situation.

No, I don’t, but speaking for myself if I got a message with evidence my child had sent an email like that to another child, my first reaction would be to contact the other parent ASAP to assure them that I’m dealing with it - not least to try to prevent them escalating to the school, or, given that it’s an offence, to the police. So either she hasn’t seen it, or isn’t concerned enough to respond. As the parent of the recipient I would also be screen shotting the message before it’s deleted.

The whole issue is about whether she has seen it or not, I would not rely on a text message either voice or face to face that is the best way to solve most issues. Sending messages is easy and if it works great if it works use another form of communication, to suggest getting the police involved before you have spoken to other parent because they may not have received your chosen form of communication is stupid !

also she has said the child is 10 the age of criminal responsibility is 12 what do you think the police can or will do ?

Yes I would raise it with school. They should have a cyber bullying policy that sits alongside the regular behaviour / bullying policy. Maybe take a look at these if you get chance.

The school 100 percent needs to know. They might take the view that it’s “outside” school but still need to know.

Also be prepared for the lecture about phone use etc.

We experienced similar - shitty school head took view it was outside of school, and child too young for phone/“social media” & so my fault?,completely ignoring the vile things sent by other child. It was violation of their own school policy!!! I said I was going to police to make a report (the child mum was a PC which made this more awful as didn’t know how it would be handled)
School did “punish” the other child. But said mine was to blame as well for defending himself by saying “please stop, I’m am not ..”. My DC first say anything rude. Other child parents avoided me for next few years. This boy had said a lot of awful things about other kids too.

I think this is a different poster who said she saw it immediately, or a name change fail?

Hoping OP isn’t replying because she’s getting this nightmare sorted.

Hopefully the other mum isn’t a deluded parent

@JustWondering222 I would absolutely 100% contact the school. This messages was NOT acceptable, and the boy needs to understand the severity of sending a message like that. Given his age, then he is no doubt repeating words he has heard and hopefully doesn't know the meaning of them, but if he was a few years older then it's likely the police would have been called.

PS - 10 year olds having phones on them has shown to be the opposite of safe. Near misses with cars when crossing roads, targets for theft etc... If it was for safety it would be in a bag, not on show and ideally not a smart phone!

i agree with the school 10 is too young for a phone and certainly for social media. I am not saying that the other child was right or it was ok to send a message like that or that he should not have been punished but no phone and this would not have happened.

I don’t like parents that complain to teachers and when given a completely logical suggestion decide it’s a “shitty” head as the answer is not liked !

To be honest, that was my first thought because neither myself nor my husband could believe a 10 year old would know the language and phrases used, or would ever tell.someone to kill themself. This boy is, honestly, super cute (or I thought so). We've known him and his family a long time. I only let my son chat on the phone or by text with his best friends and this boy is one of those. A trusted peer. Someone who plays nerf and lego with my son. Who eats jelly and ice cream at parties! It's so hard to reconcile the words with the boy.

However, mum has got back to me to apologise and yes, sadly, it was the boy himself that sent the text

My school would definitely want to know, and in a similar recent situation took the opportunity to have a year group assembly on social media use.

Sorry, just to.clarify, we were watching a family movie last night and my son didn't have his phone. He looked at his phone this morning because I gave it to him to take with him when he went out to play with a friend. He only saw the message this morning even though it was sent last night and I only texted the mum this morning..