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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6yo party - should I stay or should I go now?

129 replies

crankycurmudgeon · 30/11/2024 23:48

Took my 6yo DC to a birthday party for a classmate.

Venue was a rented village hall. The parents of the birthday girl put on crafts, games, and lunch. There was no hired entertainer, so the only adults present were any parents who chose to stay.

AIBU to think it's a bit off that out of 14 kids there, only 3 other parents stayed to help out (in addition to the parents hosting the party)?

I didn't hear a single one of the parents who dropped their DC and left asking those of us who stayed if we were happy taking responsibility for them. They just seemed to think it was OK to make some excuse and say they'd be back later to pick up.

Thing is that inevitably means other parents having to watch out for your DC. And we who stayed were very much looking after these other children, because with no professional entertainment, the parents who stayed weren't just making sure our own DC was OK, we were managing all the others, doing crafts with them, breaking up squabbles, trying to control the mayhem, catering, and cleaning up for the whole thing, while being totally outnumbered, and to be honest just gleefully disrespected by a bunch of kids who knew they could act up because their parents weren't there.

It wouldn't be such an issue if these other parents had asked, but they didn't. They just seemed to assume some other parent would be willing to manage their DC while they went off to do something else with their Saturday morning. I know for a fact these other parents didn't all have work or other childcare responsibilities to handle. It seems some of them just saw the opportunity for a couple of quiet hours at someone else's expense...

But far more concerning was the safeguarding, or lack of it. Those of us who stayed were so outnumbered that we simply couldn't keep up with all the children tearing around. It was also very clear most of the kids who'd been left on their own weren't about to recognise a clasmate's parent they barely know as an authority figure, and its always uncomfortable knowing how firm you can be with someone else's DC, without their assent. I went looking for one boy I hadn't seen for a while and found him wandering outside in the car park. Didn't feel remotely safe.

I just can't imagine taking DC and leaving her some place with a bunch of adults I barely know. I'd want to know someone I know and trust was taking responsibility for her, and would definitely have shown gratitude for anyone taking on managing my hyped up 6yo as well as their own for two hours!

AIBU to be a bit miffed that quite so many of the parents in my child's year group apparently have a very different approach to these things?

OP posts:
NewName24 · 01/12/2024 00:31

AIBU to think it's a bit off that out of 14 kids there, only 3 other parents stayed to help out (in addition to the parents hosting the party)?

Yes, YABU.
The onus is on the hosts to invite only the number of children they are happy to look after themselves, and / or to arrange for other adults to support them. Whether that is parents of other children they invite or Grandparents / Godparents / friends.
If you don't have many adults to help, then you invite fewer children.

SmalllChange · 01/12/2024 00:34

This is 100% the fault of the hosts.

They should have made it crystal clear there was no entertainer, and they hadn't even considered they didn't have enough adults to supervise the kids.

I would've expected this information to be on the invitations.

Hercisback1 · 01/12/2024 00:36

You sound batshit.

At 6 the expectation is you drop and run. This is on the parents hosting.

Dobbythechristmaself · 01/12/2024 00:36

It’s 14 6 yr olds, in an enclosed space. For a couple of hours max. How do you think any teacher ever manages. Stay or go, up to you.

SmalllChange · 01/12/2024 00:37

I went looking for one boy I hadn't seen for a while and found him wandering outside in the car park. Didn't feel remotely safe.

And that's because it wasn't.

The idiot who decided to host 14 kids without enough adults, should have at the very least, made sure one adult was on the door the whole time.

Merrygoround8 · 01/12/2024 00:39

This is the fault of the hosts unfortunately.

I personally wouldn’t leave the party but I think generally people do and that’s expected. No entertainer and then not enough adults to man the exits is wild.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/12/2024 00:42

The whole point of parties is that the child has a few hours with their friends

And the parents have a few hours of peace

I do not stay at dd parties - she is yr3

I stopped that in yr 2

Most parents I know drop and run

CrazyAndSagittarius · 01/12/2024 02:33

Hercisback1 · 01/12/2024 00:36

You sound batshit.

At 6 the expectation is you drop and run. This is on the parents hosting.

This. This is all perfectly normal. You could have left too.

DonnatellaLyman · 01/12/2024 05:04

Hopefully, if you struggled to manage 14 6 year olds between 3 of you plus the hosting parents - so a max 1:4 ratio - you have a new level of respect for your child’s teachers….

Drop of 6yo parties are normal, uninvited staying adults make them way more complicated.

YABU

RosieLeaf · 01/12/2024 05:07

Drop and run is normal at this age. It’s up to the hosts to ensure they have enough cover.

SapphireOpal · 01/12/2024 05:53

At one of my kids schools it was totally normal to drop and run at Year 1 parties At the other there were parents still hanging about in Year 3. I found the latter so weird.

If it's not the accepted norm for your school they probably should have checked but practically it's sometimes difficult. Often I'd have had a littler one in tow because DP was working the weekend day - ruder to rock up and stay with an uninvited 2yo than both of us leaving I'd say?

PeloMom · 01/12/2024 05:58

This is poor organization by the hosts. At 6 most kids are happy to be dropped off

AhBiscuits · 01/12/2024 06:07

Yabu. At age 6 parents can reasonably assume it's drop and run unless told otherwise.

Rubyroses3 · 01/12/2024 06:07

When I RSVP to a party I usually ask in advance if I can leave my child (Yr 4) and pick them up at the end. Maybe some parents done that too.

Octavia64 · 01/12/2024 06:16

The hosts sound awful.

At that age I would have dropped and run.

I also ran my own kids parties at that age without an entertainer (but I was a teacher until very recently) and I got grandparents or an aunt or two to help.

PerditaLaChien · 01/12/2024 06:20

Where i live it would absolutely be the expectation you drop and run. Its a village and i know the other parents. The only parents who stay are the ones with clingy kids.

PerditaLaChien · 01/12/2024 06:24

its always uncomfortable knowing how firm you can be with someone else's DC, without their assent

I don't have this problem. If the kids have been dropped with me, im responsible for them & i'll be firm like i am with my own kids.

Nineandtwenty · 01/12/2024 06:29

This probably depends on where you live. Where I am, at a turning 6 party most parents stay. Less sure about age 7. I always think village hall parties need a bit of organised fun. Even with a bouncy castle and crafts, 2 hours of free play generally seems too long. Some children's behaviour at parties really is dreadful too - children you know wouldn't behave like that in school!

doodleschnoodle · 01/12/2024 06:29

It just sounds like a communication fail. If parents were supposed to stay, that should have been communicated, but 6 is getting to the age where parties may be transitioning to drop and runs, and parents may have just assumed that was the case here. It's just a tricky kind of crossover age.

VarioPerfect · 01/12/2024 06:45

In our area most of the Year 1 (turning 6) and all the Year 2 (turning 7, so far with mostly 6yo attendees) have been drop off. I would absolutely expect to drop my child unless the host said otherwise. And I would also expect the host to be able to ensure my kid’s safety. I would be furious if I’d left my child at a party and they were free to wander out of the building unsupervised.

If the host couldn’t manage the kids and/or wanted or expected the parents to stay without communicating this then that’s on them.

parietal · 01/12/2024 07:19

14 kids and 5 adults is fine as a ratio.

I've done parties with 14 kids (6 or 7 years old) and 2 adults. No entertainer.

How did a kid get out to wander in the car park? That is the worrying bit.

AddieLoggins2 · 01/12/2024 07:20

Drop and run is definitely not always expected at this age.

If it's a 6yo's party, that's yr1. I don't think there was drop and run until about yr 2 or 3 for my eldest. And even then the parents checked first!

My youngest is yr1. He's been to 6 birthday parties this year and not one of them has any parent done a drop and run; a couple of children have come together, but the adult that brought them always stayed).
His own had 28 children and not one parent left them (which I'm glad about as there would have only been DH and I there,).

The parents wanting to drop and run should have asked the host (ideally before then party if it was ok). You don't just leave your kid somewhere without checking.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 01/12/2024 07:32

Why are people saying it was under supervised though? There were 5 adults for 14 kids.

TBH even if the parents counted on supervising themselves, 14 kids should be manageable for two adults

Happiestwhen · 01/12/2024 08:03

Honestly you need to look at the bigger picture here. My eldest is 7 and i always drop and run and so do most of the other parents. I have 3 younger dcs who would also have to stay as my dh works. I don't think that would be fair on the hosts having extra children there. YABU to think that every parent can stay. Sometimes it's not possible. Would you rather their children missed out all the time? For my youngest child , I will probably be able to stay at parties but not my eldest.

Happiestwhen · 01/12/2024 08:05

Should also add that my eldest is very independent and not needy in the slightest. If she was we would obviously need to make alternative plans or she would just not go.