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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

6yo party - should I stay or should I go now?

129 replies

crankycurmudgeon · 30/11/2024 23:48

Took my 6yo DC to a birthday party for a classmate.

Venue was a rented village hall. The parents of the birthday girl put on crafts, games, and lunch. There was no hired entertainer, so the only adults present were any parents who chose to stay.

AIBU to think it's a bit off that out of 14 kids there, only 3 other parents stayed to help out (in addition to the parents hosting the party)?

I didn't hear a single one of the parents who dropped their DC and left asking those of us who stayed if we were happy taking responsibility for them. They just seemed to think it was OK to make some excuse and say they'd be back later to pick up.

Thing is that inevitably means other parents having to watch out for your DC. And we who stayed were very much looking after these other children, because with no professional entertainment, the parents who stayed weren't just making sure our own DC was OK, we were managing all the others, doing crafts with them, breaking up squabbles, trying to control the mayhem, catering, and cleaning up for the whole thing, while being totally outnumbered, and to be honest just gleefully disrespected by a bunch of kids who knew they could act up because their parents weren't there.

It wouldn't be such an issue if these other parents had asked, but they didn't. They just seemed to assume some other parent would be willing to manage their DC while they went off to do something else with their Saturday morning. I know for a fact these other parents didn't all have work or other childcare responsibilities to handle. It seems some of them just saw the opportunity for a couple of quiet hours at someone else's expense...

But far more concerning was the safeguarding, or lack of it. Those of us who stayed were so outnumbered that we simply couldn't keep up with all the children tearing around. It was also very clear most of the kids who'd been left on their own weren't about to recognise a clasmate's parent they barely know as an authority figure, and its always uncomfortable knowing how firm you can be with someone else's DC, without their assent. I went looking for one boy I hadn't seen for a while and found him wandering outside in the car park. Didn't feel remotely safe.

I just can't imagine taking DC and leaving her some place with a bunch of adults I barely know. I'd want to know someone I know and trust was taking responsibility for her, and would definitely have shown gratitude for anyone taking on managing my hyped up 6yo as well as their own for two hours!

AIBU to be a bit miffed that quite so many of the parents in my child's year group apparently have a very different approach to these things?

OP posts:

MyKidsAreTooNoisy · 01/12/2024 08:07

Are you actually the host and this is some kind of reverse? As others have said, you have fucked up.

XiCi · 01/12/2024 08:12

Drop and run is definitely not always expected at this age. If it's a 6yo's party, that's yr1. I don't think there was drop and run until about yr 2 or 3 for my eldest. And even then the parents checked first!

Exactly this. Parents stayed at every single year 1 party in dds year. They're usually whole of class parties and pretty chaotic. There's an odd outlier that will drop and run without asking (usually the ones with the worst behaved kids). It wasn't till year 3 really that everyone would drop and run.

MumonabikeE5 · 01/12/2024 08:14

At 6 drop off parties are beginning, but our school parents are pretty social and so half the time as you arrive you’ll be invited to grab a drink and there will be adult food as well as the kids. By 9 all the parties are drop offs but we come back in time for the cake cutting and a beer/glass of bubbly.

PurpleThistle7 · 01/12/2024 08:16

Parties for my kids were drop off from around 5 - obviously not all kids could be left but it was very much the norm. I hosted 10 kids for my son's 5th birthday - planned to be on my own but one parent asked to stay as her child wanted her to. Everyone else was fine and it all went well.

If a child is under my care I treat them as I would my own children and they are expected to follow my rules. It's getting trickier now that we are entering the teenage years but until now that was very obvious to me.

PeriPeriMam · 01/12/2024 08:18

14 6 yr old kids shouldn't be too difficult. Two adults should be able to manage 14 six yr olds safely and allow all the parents to drop and run. Even without hired entertainment! If I was hosting I'd have roped in a friend or two to stay to ease the load but it shouldn't be critical. If you ended up as 5 adults/14 kids, that should be a walk in the park even if the children are particularly monstrous. Were they drinking full fat cola? How did one escape??

custardpyjamas · 01/12/2024 08:18

Parents vary a lot, I remember one of my DD's friends parents who's idea of a kids party was to leave them pretty much to it while she and her DH had a few drinks to celebrate (drinks for parents staying too), I always stayed for those ones to keep an eye on things but it always seemed to work out OK (just loud and chaotic). Others were very formal organised and controlled and you could confidently drop and run.

XiCi · 01/12/2024 08:23

Its not normal here to drop and run in year 1. Has this happened at other parties this year? Its probably the time of year - a few cheeky feckers have seen the party as free childcare to get some Xmas shopping done.

AddieLoggins2 · 01/12/2024 08:26

Happiestwhen · 01/12/2024 08:03

Honestly you need to look at the bigger picture here. My eldest is 7 and i always drop and run and so do most of the other parents. I have 3 younger dcs who would also have to stay as my dh works. I don't think that would be fair on the hosts having extra children there. YABU to think that every parent can stay. Sometimes it's not possible. Would you rather their children missed out all the time? For my youngest child , I will probably be able to stay at parties but not my eldest.

This exact thing happened at my 6 year old's party.

One mum messaged before the party and said she had her 3 other children (one older, 2 younger) so would it be ok if she did drop and run?

I replied and said yes that would be fine, but if she preferred she was welcome to stay as the other 3 children were welcome to join in the party too- it was a private hire soft play area in a leisure centre so there wasn't any extra cost to us and I just made sure there was enough food/party bags for the extra kids (I always have spares anyway!)

The point is she checked, rather than just assumed it would be ok to dump her kid.

Dragonsandcats · 01/12/2024 08:31

I think the hosts should have asked more adults to help out rather than assuming that parents would stay.

TizerorFizz · 01/12/2024 08:35

I never stayed with dc for any parties unless the hosts made it clear that was what they expected. We didn’t expect it but we chose guests carefully and a party isn’t child minding. At 6 no parent stayed! They’ve been at school for over a year without parents. Of course they can go to a party in a hall safely.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 01/12/2024 08:36

We did our own entertainment and to be honest sometimes parents (or family) just get in the way especially the ones who are expecting you to host them as well. It sounds like you did pitch in and help so that is good. I think it was possibly more the activities which were a little off for the age group. At that age a short focused 15 min art activity perhaps but most of the time you want to actively engage the whole group in organised activities/ party games OR have more parents there if the activities involve more parent supervision. It does take a certain approach and organisation to manage a party of that size but perfectly doable with that ratio.

InTheRainOnATrain · 01/12/2024 08:38

I think it starts to become normal to drop from this age. My experience, which is pretty recent as DD is 7, is that reception everyone stayed but from Y1 people generally didn’t unless it was an inconvenient location so wouldn’t have time to go home and/or the parents made a point of hosting the other parents by putting on some adult drinks and snacks.

Also fine not to have a professional entertainer if the parents are up for organising games + music themselves. In this case it sounds like they weren’t very good at it, were over confident about how easy it is to engage excited 5/6YOs and ended up way out of their depth. When you invite a child you’re taking responsibility for their safety and making sure kids don’t walk out the door should be the top priority. But then also you probably wouldn’t expect a 6YO to wander off like that, unless there are additional needs or something, but then the parents should have stayed if that’s the case. I’d just chalk it up to it being a badly organised party and that’s that.

BarbaraHoward · 01/12/2024 08:40

Sounds like the host parents did a shite job!

Drop and run is normal at 6 here, everyone stayed in P1 but from P2 people started dropping off. P3 now and I have to stay with my 6yo at most parties for allergy reasons but I'm usually the only one. I also have never been expected to help or entertain any children (although I do of course pitch in at food time by pouring drinks etc).

Dutchesss · 01/12/2024 08:44

It's not normal to drop and run at age 6. Most parents stayed at that age and my children wanted me to stay.

Also, if you're leaving a 6 year old that might wander through the car park then that's completely up to the parents to stay and supervise.

It was also an unspoken etiquette that if you did leave your young child, you asked someone who wasn't the host parents to take responsibility for them, as the host parents had enough to do already.

TENSsion · 01/12/2024 08:48

I think it depends on where you live. Parents still stay in my area. If we can’t stay we ask one parent we know well to watch ours. I’d never assume the host is watching all the kids.

Happiestwhen · 01/12/2024 08:49

AddieLoggins2 · 01/12/2024 08:26

This exact thing happened at my 6 year old's party.

One mum messaged before the party and said she had her 3 other children (one older, 2 younger) so would it be ok if she did drop and run?

The point is she checked, rather than just assumed it would be ok to dump her kid.

Show quote history

Absolutely, I'd always check before the party. Some parents expect you to stay which is fair enough. Particularly if they have their own younger children too.

LimeYellow · 01/12/2024 08:50

IME it would be fine to stay but also normal to drop and run at that age.

Ponoka7 · 01/12/2024 08:53

I agree that the hosts should have made the activities and supervision clear. We are only starting to leave at nine years old. So we would have all stayed at that age.

MargaretThursday · 01/12/2024 08:54

When mine were little almost no parents stayed unless the party was a distance and nowhere else to go.
14 isn't too bad. We had 25 for dd's 5yo party ( and she was one of the oldest).
They had a lovely time (we did a traditional party with games) in a village hall.
Children need to start developing independence and a bit of responsibility for themselves.

IamnotSethRogan · 01/12/2024 08:55

Just sounds like a badly organised party. I have no idea why it was such hard work. I just had 10 8 year old boys and it would have been a nightmare if the parents stayed due to space. The kids were a bit excitable but it was just me and I didn't find there to be any safety risks.

Honestly if you have more than 1 child you do just have to drop and run due to.other commitments.

hopeishere · 01/12/2024 08:56

What did the parents think? I would always ask if I needed to stay. By 6 I think it was drop and go.

Rocknrollstar · 01/12/2024 09:01

At age 6 you shouldn’t have to stay at a party but the organisers should have someone watching the door to make sure no one goes outside.

TickingAlongNicely · 01/12/2024 09:04

Its up to the hosts to either say that you need to saltay with the child, or organise help (a couple of friends or relatives).

TickingAlongNicely · 01/12/2024 09:09

As to "normal"... DD had a pool party for her 6th. Some parents went in the pool. Some went in, with younger siblings. Some watched. Some left. There was 3 lifeguards. That was normal for the country we lived in.

Soft play or community room... patents stayed if they wanted to socialise.

Big variation in normal!

twentysevendresses · 01/12/2024 09:32

So you're saying 5 adults couldn't manage 14 x 6 year olds for a couple of hours? Really? 🤔

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