Children to sit at the dining table

[newmumabouttown]

I am dreading family meals during the festive season…in laws family have their Holstein play under the table, bring noisy toys and generally just run around. They always book private rooms in restaurants for this reason, but AIBU to want the children sat round the table? They’re raging from 6 to 11 years old.
I have a one year old who will sit at the table before / during / after meal, with occasional walks around if he gets itchy feet. I hate that he’s watching this behaviour.

Different families have different expectations. Yanbu to set rules for your own children but it’s a fools errand to try and control other peoples

in laws family have their Holstein play under the table, bring noisy toys and generally just run around.

YANBU. I wouldn’t be happy if there was a cow playing under my table either.

But if you mean children then no, you’re still not being unreasonable. That would drive me crazy.

A 6 year old (and definitely an 11 year old) should be able to sit at the table without toys for a meal. If they are coming to you then it's your rules!

You're not unreasonable, but you can't tell them how to parent.

Op, maybe your baby will be a only but I wouldn't get to judging yet.. My first was so placid and sat so well during meals, no 2 absolutely not.
For that reason I think you are being unreasonable. The parents obviously want to catch up and chat without having to marshal dc behaviour at Xmas.
It can be extremely tedious foe youngsters at Xmas trying to listen to adult talk.

It sounds ideal for them to be able to move around.

😁

6-11 yo should be sitting fine at the table for a meal, but it would be more fun for them be sitting together away from the adults.

However I wouldn't try to compare a 1 yo behaviour with older children... 1 yo is easy, you might not have so much fun next year.

YANBU.
Their Holstein shouldn't be indoors, let alone under the table. This is one of those times when you could legitimately ask "Were you born in a barn?"

Ha. I remember when my DD was one and I was that judgy parent thinking how she sat so nicely while other kids ran around. Ohhh how the tables have turned....

I think it’s quite nice to be able to relax in a private room and not stress too much for a special occasion.

There is no way that a 11 year old shouldn’t be able to sit at a table unless there are special needs. They shouldn’t get under the table.They should be working on the six year old. They surely don’t run around during school dinners.If they are not able to sit still then they need quiet activities to do or even a dreaded screen with headphones .

I wouldnt worry if it's just a few times a year. Your baby will get plenty of other examples of how you would like them to behave, both in your home and presumably with like minded friends.

It is difficult when you have different expectations in family gatherings but you just have to muddle through.

I dunno.

Mine are 6 and 4 and will sit nicely at the table for a meal without screens, all very MN approved in that one sense anyway, they'll be eating nuggets and chips and probably leaving the nuggets. But they really only have two quick courses in them, which is fair enough, it's not much fun for little ones to sit around a table chatting for hours.

So a private dining room where the kids can play while the adults relax sounds like a great compromise - they can behave as they would if the extended family got together in someone's house, but no one has the hassle of hosting. They're not disturbing anyone, and the parents seem conscious of that if they're booking a private room. Sounds like a lovely set up. I'd think differently if they were in the main restaurant.

Btw, my kids who sit nicely at the table couldn't at all from about 18 months to 3 years. Your time will come!

It’s very hard to impose a rule on young children which they don’t have at home usually. Without other downsides like tantrums etc… So, I think the younger ones (11 should be fine sitting and chatting!) you can’t really expect success with suddenly sitting nicely for a whole meal.

Could you bring table games/sticker books/ colouring type activities as presents? Then that’s something they can do whilst sat down rather than causing chaos? I imagine noisy toys will lesson quickly now they’re 6+.

I have a 2 year old who will not sit at a table for long and I know his older cousins sit at the table less time now, as it’s not very fair on them to have to stay there when he isn’t. To be honest it helps us that they get down and play with him! However, possibly their parents are annoyed at us for undermining their rules/expectations with letting our son not sit there long 🤷‍♀️.

😂😂😂 no idea how I didn’t spot that autocorrect

Thanks all for the replies.
I totally agree that it’s inappropriate to set rules for other children. I did have to intervene at one point though when the 11 year old screamed and wrestled another child to the floor. Honestly it’s just embarrassing.
My LO sat in high chair the whole meal and was an angel, but noted, I’m ready for the opposite next Christmas, maybe he’s storing up all his energy for the terrible twos!

@OrangesCinammonIvy maybe if the kids were 3 or 4 but 6 and 11?!? I had my period at 11 and if I was mucking about under the table then I'd be thinking there was a more serious issue than lackadaisical parenting. A, 6 year old should be able to behave too, especially at a more formal setting as a restaurant.
OP how many meals do you have to have with them? Does your partner share your feelings?

What does Holstein mean?

Most children are just fine in a high chair as babies... I really wouldn't be so smug!

Mine are fine sitting for a short meal in a restaurant but a long drawn out Christmas meal, not so much.

What annoys me most about some of my family members who judge about this is that they will make zero effort to chat to my kids.

I think it’s completely inappropriate for an 11 year old to be under the table playing with toys. Surely they can converse at the table during the meal & be excused afterwards? Or sit at one end of the table with the other kids? Wrestling and messing in a restaurant is not normal behaviour for that age imo.

Do you have to do the meal this way, can it be child free instead?

It is a breed of cattle but in OP case a typo

A typo for what? I can't figure it out.

I’d have a problem with them being under the table because it’s fucking irritating, but why not suggest they let the children eat somewhere else / excuse themselves once they’re done eating to go and play, and let the adults enjoy dinner and conversation, rather than try to insist they sit at the table? It’s not as though children really add anything positive to the ambience of a sit down meal at the best of times, let alone when they’re bored and fed up.

I was wondering too. Some suggestions:
holdest for oldest
hoffspring for offspring
hoddlers for toddlers

This could be a new game! 😀