Children to sit at the dining table

[newmumabouttown]

I am dreading family meals during the festive season…in laws family have their Holstein play under the table, bring noisy toys and generally just run around. They always book private rooms in restaurants for this reason, but AIBU to want the children sat round the table? They’re raging from 6 to 11 years old.
I have a one year old who will sit at the table before / during / after meal, with occasional walks around if he gets itchy feet. I hate that he’s watching this behaviour.

Come on just get your kids to sit down. We have 4 three of whom are ND. We didn't let them run around or sit on screens. They learnt to engage in conversation or sit quietly or play a quiet sitting down game.

Yeah, agreed. Assuming this is all family so probably a bit more relaxed.

Why is sitting at a table to eat and chat such a wildly outrageous expectation of children in this country now? YANBU op.

I would just say you’ll only go if their children behave as it’s embarrassing and annoying, private room or not.

I really don't enjoy children sat at the table for the whole meal either because I generally want to have a natter with friends/families without having to edit it for the kids. There comes a point in most long meals where the kids should be waved off or dismissed somewhere so the adults can have a good gossip.

Of course a 1yo doesn't really count because a) you can talk over their heads without them listening in, and b) they're much more trouble out of the highchair than in as you have to follow them around constantly. So makes sense to keep them entertained at table if you can.

Nor can I!

Please tell us?!

Yes this haha!!! Come back to us when you have 2+ children of varying ages......

but AIBU to want the children sat round the table? They’re raging from 6 to 11 years old.

So they calm down on their 12th birthdays? 😁

OP.

Reply to your family that you can't attend due to the Holstein under the table.

And wait for them to go wtf.

Please.

If u don’t want to go just don’t go.

YABU in a restaurant. They have booked a private room, if you don't like the way they parent, don't go.

It's not what I'd do - let my kids play under the table, but it's what they do, so your choices are to go or not. It's not your place to demand they sit at the table.

lol at Holstein jokes

It's not so much a 'typo' as a phone changing it to utter Shite. My iPhone does it ALL the time. But it waits until I press send,...

Depends. Children’s tolerance for sitting at the table will normally be much lower than an adult’s. Obviously there is quite a bit of normal variety based on age and personality too. It’s quite good going for children to last 20-30mins sitting politely. If family want to chat for longer (again quite normal especially at Christmas) then it seems sensible to enable the kids to be able to play safely in sight whilst the adults chat.

So what is under the table?

My phone seems to autocorrect after I press send. When I was in hospital after surgery, I messaged my sister that I was having trouble with my urinary catholic.

@newmumabouttown Realistically, just how many of these meals will you be expected to attend between now and January? One or two?

You’ve said the in-laws book private rooms at restaurants. People are talking about children being sent somewhere else to play but in the private room of a restaurant there’s usually only so far they can go. And a family Christmas meal is not one you can reasonably suggest be adults only. I’m guessing for holiday meals they don’t want their DC’s experience of Christmas dinner with family to be being scolded into sitting quietly, bored at a table for 2 hours. Nor do the adults want to spend the family visiting time trying to make their DC do so.

I agree with others that you should stop with the comparisons to your 1 year old.

I don’t think you’ve said where the Christmas meals are taking place this year?

In your home, it’s fine to set some basic house rules for other children. I certainly did that with any play date pals.

I don’t like to see children running around tables at meal times because they’re a trip hazard, especially on a restaurant with other diners and servers.

Is it feasible to discuss the situation with the parents involved beforehand and try to find some level of compromise?

So your children couldn't sit still from 6 to 11 if they were in a restaurant?

I still don’t know what’s under the table!!! If it’s children age 6 to 11 then I am shocked. Toddler and preschoolers under the table playing quietly maybe but 6+? Not appropriate.
Is it worth bringing along a quiet game like top trumps or uno? My 11 year old has always sat at the table but from 2/3 till quite recently he had colouring in or a comic or book with him if it was going to be a full three course chatty meal.

At 6 and 11, they should be able to sit at a table for a meal.
My son is just 11 and has been able to do this for years.

That said, tricky to tell other parents what to do.

Child appropriate conversation during the meal. After the meal, the children can play and the adults can chat adult appropriate conversation.

When our DC were small, say 5 and 8, when we ate out in France, the French were always surprised that our English children were well behaved at meal times. They were well behaved because that had always been the expectation. Their classmates were too when they came for a play date/tea.

It's a very reasonable expectation at that age for a course or two. If this is the adults sitting over course after course and bottle after bottle of wine, then letting the kids play in a private dining room is fine imo. If they were in someone's house the kids would be taking themselves off to another room to play, not sitting politely listening to the adults' views on the US election.

This.

My children can of course sit at a table with manners for a normal restaurant meal.

If my extended family chose to have our big holiday meal at a restaurant and got a private room for the occasion, my expectations would be different because a) the meal is likely far longer than usual b) we’ve booked a private room so the children can get up & make noise without disturbing other patrons c) this is replacing a family holiday celebration, an occasion that is hopefully fun family time and something to look forward to for children rather than an exercise in restaurant manners & boredom.

The specific context of these meals, their length, and how many of them there will be this season are all relevant pieces of info that we don’t have.

Set a children's table and one for the adults. The oldest kids can help the younger ones. Bribe them to behave/ be responsible if necessary. They can all get up when done/ after 20 mins and turn on a Christmas movie at low volume. No running around. No playing with loud toys. Someone will need to clear their plates (paper plates recommended). Drinks in sippy cups or water bottles with spouts to prevent spills.

You or your H will need to pull up your sergeant major knickers and issue direct orders to children who show signs of being unruly.

Well said.

Since when did it become OK to not train children to behave themselves and not be nuisances? That used to be called basic parenting.