Children to sit at the dining table

[newmumabouttown]

I am dreading family meals during the festive season…in laws family have their Holstein play under the table, bring noisy toys and generally just run around. They always book private rooms in restaurants for this reason, but AIBU to want the children sat round the table? They’re raging from 6 to 11 years old.
I have a one year old who will sit at the table before / during / after meal, with occasional walks around if he gets itchy feet. I hate that he’s watching this behaviour.

A. OP doesn't get to set rules or expectations for other family children unless they're in her house.

B. It's not the older children's job to control the younger ones, it's their parents'.

You're bringing paper plates to a private dining room at a restaurant? Really? And why would it be OP and her DH’s place to lay down the law about how everyone else’s children have to behave?

Whether children can sit at a table for the duration of a meal is a completely different question than whether children need to be made to sit at a table through the entirety of a family holiday celebration. OP’s extended family (as she acknowledges) book private rooms so that they don’t feel a need to make the DC sit at the table the whole time, likely because they find this approach to be more enjoyable for the family overall. OP’s preferences may be different but there’s no reason (in the info supplied) that they should take priority over the rest of the family’s.

It's a completely different ball game having older children. A 1yo is least trouble corralled in a high chair. Older kids are less annoying away from the table where they don't need to be amused and they're not dominating the conversation. If all the kids were sat at table expecting to be included in the conversation, you might find that equally irritating OP. Personally, I find it much less annoying to be able to have an adult conversation and every now and again take a break to shout "Don't bash your brother's head against the radiator, please!' than to have to talk about snot and Christmas lists (my DC's current favourite subjects).

Your 1 yo won't have a clue about other childrens' behauviour. So don't worry.

We have expected our 3 children to sit at the table and behave. And 'trained' it. You don't learn table manners at a restaurant at a few visits a year.

If needed - and yes, it happens for most young children either my husband or I go for a walk or a visit to the playground.
We have always brought a kid's bag with things to sit with at the table in a quite way. Works great.

I tend to ignore the other children if they are noisy, rude or running around - not my monkeys, not my circus.

Goodness, sitting at the table throughout a meal is not a high expectation, it’s absolutely basic. I’d expect all children to manage it, even toddlers who might need some quiet distraction such as sticker books or colouring.

As parents we need to set expectations and help them reach it, sitting at the table and good table manners are not negotiable. My kids notice those who eat with their mouths open, or don’t wait before starting etc.

In this case, I’m with team OP. I guess they must know it isn’t normal or they wouldn’t book the private room. It would frustrate me greatly in your shoes.

A private room in a restaurant where the kids can go off and play with toys sounds wonderful- surprised so many people would prefer to have their children sitting still at the table instead.

Indeed. 2-3 hours of entertaining them sounds incredibly tedious.

@BreadInCaptivity mine eat in all sorts of places, in the summer we have more midweek meals together other wise we have plenty of tv dinners.

They both have beautiful table manners.

You don't need to have dc at the table first every single meal to get good table manners and stamina.

The reason I'm more liberal is because I was "forced".

To the poster who said they had their period at 11? I can't fathom any link to playing with siblings or cousins under a table to having a period?

Just an update on how it went … there was no cow present for the meal sadly, the assumptions that there were from my original rogue phone autocorrect made me chuckle.
What was under the table was an eleven year old, its carnage…
Other context requested - it was a nice restaurant, private area but on view and doors open, not much alcohol was served, and no X rated discussions!!

I would just "accidentally" kick the 11yo a few times when I was stretching their legs until they decided that it would be more comfortable to be somewhere else.

I still have no idea what was under the table...

Count me in.

It sounds like a great idea to book a private room so the kids can get down from the table and play!
I have taken my 2 and 4 year old to pizza express on my own and they've sat nicely for 45 mins on a good day but if you're wanting a proper catch up and starters/ dessert that could be 3 hours. I wouldn't expect kids to sit for that long.
1 year old will probably sit in a highchair quite happily...

🤣🤣

Not only the Holstein but the ox and the ass would also be quite apt on Christmas Day

Wow, kick a child aren't you a pet 🤦‍♀️. So judge a parent's choice then physically interact inappropriately with a child.

Because putting your legs on them isn't okay. But hey be the dick. I would be telling the 12 year old to borrow my heels and have with.

No issue with the rest, but 11yos shouldn't be crawling under the table. That's where people's legs belong and it's a natural consequence of the behaviour that said legs might make contact with the 11yo.

If my Holstein couldn't sit properly at a table and eat in a civilised manner, I wouldn't be taking it out in public at all. The same goes for children.

Eleven? That child is nearly in secondary school! Do the parents expect the school to accommodate this behaviour?

DS’s kids are like this. When their DC are getting down from the table, and running around, we just ignore it. Our DC know to carry on sitting at the table, colouring etc. If they ask to get down (they don’t now) or if the other kids ask them to get down, or if DS or anyone makes a comment like - oh let them be kids, what’s wrong with it, this is awkward, kids get bored, they’re just being boys etc, it’s reiterated to our DC that they are to carry on sitting nicely at the table as it’s a restaurant. I don’t care if this makes other people feel awkward. 6-11 should be able to sit at a table.

in laws family have their Holstein play under the table

Shouldn't it be on the table with veg and nice Yorkshire pudding?

Yes dear hitting a child with legs 🤦‍♀️

6-11 year olds??? Seriously? 11???? Unless there is some developmental issue then that's just slack parenting

At 11 I would be concerned there was some sort of developmental delay if they couldn't sit for a meal. Even 6 tbh.

This is coming from someone with 3dc with ADHD FFS

A long meal would be a stretch but I would expect them to play quietly, read, draw or maybe sit in the corner playing a board game.

I wouldn't ever expect dc of that age under the table or running around during the meal unless the meal was 5 hours long and it was at home and even then not under the table.

I would

I think it's quite sweet that the 11yo was playing with the younger ones, not being too cool.

Under the table was out of line but the rest of it sounds fine to me in the very specific, less than typical parameters of this particular meal.