Children to sit at the dining table

[newmumabouttown]

I am dreading family meals during the festive season…in laws family have their Holstein play under the table, bring noisy toys and generally just run around. They always book private rooms in restaurants for this reason, but AIBU to want the children sat round the table? They’re raging from 6 to 11 years old.
I have a one year old who will sit at the table before / during / after meal, with occasional walks around if he gets itchy feet. I hate that he’s watching this behaviour.

@newmumabouttown

"I totally agree that it’s inappropriate to set rules for other children."

I don't think it's inappropriate at all if your hosting them in your home. You can't have people, whether they're children or not, doing whatever the hell they want. Tough shit. That's not how society works. I don't even think it's inappropriate to tell them to sit down and behave if you're out for a meal either.

This. Their rules are as valid as yours.

😂

Me too!
And raging children!
😂

lol don’t go.

Not a small cow either!

It's 100% simple. "Now the baby is 1, we will be making our own Christmases. I hope you are about on Boxing Day so we can pop in for a Baileys/Coffee/Mince Pie. We'll bring the Fresian."

SIL1 and I kept our DC on different moorings. Fortunately she lived in the Antipodes and I could avoid.

I wouldn't be keen on this. Agree that you can't set rules for other people's kids so I'd be avoiding eating with them as much as possible. Maybe I'd try to rejig a meal into something more casual and buffet like.

Of course your 1 year old will sit "like an angel", he's 1 😂

They shouldn't be under the table, but it is meant to be fun for them too, so moving around, playing with toys etc is fine by me. More fun for the parents too if they're not having to nag them all the time and they can all relax.

When your son is older you may feel differently, and if you don't you explain to your child that different families do things differently, and parent him appropriately if he pushes back and wants to join in.

The others will be older by then too.

I would expect that age range of kids to sit around a table without any dramas or noisy toys. 🙂

Imagine a ffresh glass of milk served up by a cute 6 yo.

Brilliant! 😆😆

How long are these meals intended to last?

Under 40 minutes and all adults not drinking and their attention firmly on their DCs' table manners and making pleasant conversation with the children at the table - YANBU, children of that age ought to be able to sit still and interact nicely at table with adults for a short time.

3 hours long, adults eating their way through the menu and getting steadily inebriated, people telling the kids to buzz off and stop being annoying and the topic of conversation is Uncle Jimmy's latest bit of on the side and will she replace wife no.3, so you really don't want little ears listening in - YABU, it's probably quite useful to have the kids occupied with a game of Twister and trying to drive their remote-controlled cars up the wall even if it is a trip hazard.

If the in-laws book private rooms, then the kids aren't really disturbing other diners, are they? Though personally I'd make sure they were out of the waitresses' way so not causing them a nuisance.

Possibly the worst reason that you've given for your view is that you hate your 1yo seeing this. Very wet parenting imo, to blame your DC's behaviour on other kids, so you really don't want to go there. The other kids don't exist to set the example you would like to your child and "You do you" (or in this case "your kids") is usually a good attitude to take to parenting.

Ultimately if you don't enjoy the meals, don't go.

At 11??

Exactly!

OP it is a lot easier to make babies sit than children for a meal especially a long 3 course xmas meal. I dont see the problem with them playing about unless they're disturbing people at other tables, it's their xmas too and it's so boring sitting listening to adults talking unless its age appropriate.

No reason why an 11 year old should be under the table. Even if there are special needs they should be encouraged to be elsewhere, especially if it's in a private room for the meal. They should take some things that will engage him so he's not under feet.
My lot could sit at the table usually chatting, eating, playing with small toys and colouring from about 2 years. Before that we played pass the baby and they spent time on peoples knees for ages, being fed small bits and playing with toys. Then there was usually a nap at some point.

I'd expect six years old and over to sit nicely at the table, but only for a certain amount of time otherwise it's unreasonable. Always made my son sit nicely to begin with and while he's eating his food, but at a certain point if the adults want to sit chatting for hours I understand if he needs to get down and move.

Usually i'd say yanbu but if they're hiring a private room so as not to disturb other people then i couldn't get too bothered about it.

You won't have to because you are setting expectations about behaviour and table manners early. If you do this at the start and stick to these boundaries it isn't an issue even if the kids are otherwise live wires!

More fun for the parents too if they're not having to nag them all the time and they can all relax.

Not fun or relaxing for the others at the table if they have to put up with children crawling under the table, running around, screaming and wrestling. An 11 yo certainly and a 6yo probably should be capable of sitting at a table for the time it takes to eat a meal and not disrupting it for other people. (If I had something the size of an 11yo crawling round my legs, I would not be happy, and would be tempted to let my foot do the talking.)

Not your circus not your monkeys! (Unless it's at your house?)

I don't think your one year old is going to pick up any bad habits after one meal of the year.
Just enjoy Christmas and don't worry what other people's children are doing.

.

My question was more how does a cow even fit under the table?!?!

I think it depends on the length of the meal and I wouldn't be happy with them crawling under table etc that disturbs others but happy if they ate a bit then got down to play elsewhere or had some small quiet toys at the table. I have DC with eating issues though so not going to add any extra battles to dinnertime

I suppose it's a matter of expectations.

When the children were growing up we always had daily meals at the kitchen table. No phones. No toys. No getting up and running around until everyone has finished eating.

Special occasions, same except in the dining room.

Never had any issues in restaurants etc because I suppose they grew up with the expectation that you sit at the table when eating.

The only real exception to this was/is Christmas Day where the whole meal shebang can take a long time and we generally take a gap anyway after starters/main as everyone is so full () before tackling pudding/cheese. Also the (then) children would be excited to play with their presents.

But each to their own. I was brought up to eat at the table/converse and not mess around. So I suppose that's been my "template".

It's something that's simply not important to other families and from my perspective that's up them.

When visiting families with other approaches I just go with the flow. On the other hand when hosting it's the same in reverse in the sense of my house my rules.

Tbh I've never had any issues. When the children's friends visited they just followed their lead in sitting down, no gadgets etc.🤷‍♀️

In general I've experienced far more poor table behaviour from adults than children (not family/friends but acquaintances).