Overheard him saying he should have married someone else

[YourRealBiscuit]

Hi all.
as you all may remember my relationship is heavily on the rocks but I wanted to get your opinion still…
I was watching a video my partner had taken on his phone of a concert - he knew I was watching it.

What he didn’t really realise is that I watched all of it and at the end he forgot to stop the video.

it went on to a conversation with his friend in the car where he said “I should have married her” in reference to his ex. How lovely she was and his friend agreed it would have been a great idea.

we’ve been together over a decade!

AIBU to be extra hurt with this? Or should I have expected it? Is that what people say in a rocky relationship??

Well it did 🤔

No, probably because my DH and I respect each other and don’t slag each other off.

He said it. I haven’t seen the will to confirm. I almost felt like it was besides the by. I’d already made a decision to start looking out for myself so it mattered less.

He has no respect for you. That was clear from your last thread. I get it’s hard. You’ve said you wasted years on him. No need to keep wasting them now. You have a good enough income to buy yourself a small house and I would take that chance now while you still can.

No if I had a shit relationship I would leave. I certainly wouldn’t be talking to a friend about wishing I’d married an ex instead.

I feel betrayed and embarrassed and of course I feel stupid that again. His feelings are confirmed as I keep saying to myself they are.

I have a job. Please take the time to get the situation correct if you’re going to have such a strong stance.

How much more are you prepared to accept before walking away? This will erode your self worth.

This thread is not about me, the OP is clearly in a very unhappy situation here and her feelings are valid.

Clearly I think my self esteem has gone completely hence putting up with what I have so far. I am taking the steps everyone said to me I should though. It’s just a slow and painstaking process and in trying to keep things nice at home for the kids. All the while I’m thinking ok maybe we could work through it after all it’s ME who left myself vulnerable maybe as I get stronger things will change.

and then this

Yes in a perfectly appropriate way to give context. You seem incredibly interested in my marriage and also very argumentative on this thread. Perhaps focus on trying to provide comments of value, rather than sniping.

Good luck OP. Keep taking the steps and you will get there.

Thank you Plastictrees

Do you want to be married to him for reasons other than financial security? I’m assuming the will issue is that he owns the house? If not then I’m sorry, it’s not totally clear. Are there relationship issues beyond money/inheritance? No one is inherently responsible for supporting anyone else financially other than their children. Presumably you chose to have children without marriage, not buy your own property, not ensure an interest in his property before moving in? If you have a job then you’ll have your own savings/pension? Get strong, get 100% financially independent, then make relationship decisions based on want and not need. If my DH left tomorrow I’d be emotionally devastated. However my ability to provide for myself, my family and my old age would not be changed. The magical penis owners aren’t coming along to save, protect and provide for us.

Sorry OP but I agree with @ExtraOnions

Im struggling to believe that a phone picked up all that conversation clearly enough that you could understand it…

But it’s obvious that your partner isn’t that in to you and probably does wish he was with the other women… he doesn’t want to marry you or put you in his will.

How much older is he?

And are the kids yours or his?

Look at the positives you know now for certain how he feels about you.How old are your children,do they have a good relationship with him? You have a job,great now make plans to leave in the new year.Start getting practical things together ie paper work,sort out benefits,Cms.Look at how finances will work.Take control.You need to leave so start to act on this.Youwill feel better knowing you can look forward.I wish you happiness n your new life.

So what are you going to DO, OP?

He's said he wished he'd married his ex, you aren't married, aren't in his will ... (Hope he isn't in yours).

This isn't a relationship, is it.

Are you going to keep trudging on?

OP I'd be absolutely crushed over this &, for me, it would be game over. In some ways it's more hurtful than a one night stand.

He'd be getting no more of my time from this moment on & I'd be out.