Overheard him saying he should have married someone else

[YourRealBiscuit]

Hi all.
as you all may remember my relationship is heavily on the rocks but I wanted to get your opinion still…
I was watching a video my partner had taken on his phone of a concert - he knew I was watching it.

What he didn’t really realise is that I watched all of it and at the end he forgot to stop the video.

it went on to a conversation with his friend in the car where he said “I should have married her” in reference to his ex. How lovely she was and his friend agreed it would have been a great idea.

we’ve been together over a decade!

AIBU to be extra hurt with this? Or should I have expected it? Is that what people say in a rocky relationship??

I've been there, in a very similar situation @YourRealBiscuit . Please consider that this was intentional on his part. They can seem so very innocent while manipulating you to do what they want.

If things were on the rocks anyway this would be the final nail in the coffin for me I think. It’s so disrespectful and of course words cannot be taken back. It would be wise to start considering how you’re going to leave him and the practicalities of this. You are worth more.

I think it’s different. He didn’t say “things are so hard now she’s such a pain” = fine. He wishes he wasn’t with me.

and you won’t come round and eat dinner at my table, his friend will and his wife who will no doubt know too.

it’s embarrassing and hurtful

I wouldn’t personally. It can’t come as a huge surprise to you that if your relationship is as heavily on the rocks as you say it is that he would be thinking he’d be happier elsewhere, we all do it and he voiced it to a friend

@courtcox @ExtraOnions not every concert is at a massive stadium, I’ve been to plenty of gigs at small venues or pubs with performance spaces where you can park right outside. Never tested how long a video would record for on my phone but it’s not unreasonable to think someone could record 30minutes or more. There’s always the possibility he did it on purpose and wanted her to hear it

Leave, take the kids, claim child maintenance, claim benefits and rebuild your life.

Do not look back.

Yes, this @YourRealBiscuit . I was on your last thread and I still think you should be making every preparation you can to leave. Anyone who expresses such regrets about who they are in a relationship with is not going to allow that person to occupy a house for potentially decades after their death, IMO.

I think it’s different. He didn’t say “things are so hard now she’s such a pain” = fine. He wishes he wasn’t with me.

Tbh I think it amounts to the same thing.

Things aren't good for either of you by the sounds of things.

Pack up things? He isn’t in the band?

anyway I’ve explained how it came to be-I really don’t think it was a deliberate cry for help from him to get me to leave.

I’ve responded elsewhere I wasn’t ever really watching I was listening to the music as I did other things and on it went as videos do unless you stop them.

why is the fact I kept on listening to it so pivotal? Are you one of those who says of people who get caught cheating, that they shouldn’t have looked? It’s their own fault..?

You’re really triggered by this aren’t you.

yes he does, we both do. I still don’t think it was a stitch up for me to watch it. I don’t think he even has watched the video. I just wanted to listen to the music and he went off and did other things.

I think that’s normal.

Sorry but.. who makes videos of themselves having conversations like that? Then shows their partner accidentally.. I mean, he either did it on purpose to spur on the end of the relationship or he is incredibly stupid.

It’s the latter, he is older and isn’t great with tech

I think the crux of the issue is that this feels like a betrayal. It is one thing venting to friends however saying you wished you married an ex crosses a boundary of what is acceptable IMO. It is always worth having these discussions at the start of the relationship; I have honestly never badmouthed my DH and we are in agreement about this. I think the remark made here is disrespectful.

It does sound as though this is part of a bigger picture OP and I think you should be prepared to walk away rather than prolong the unhappiness.