Overheard him saying he should have married someone else

[YourRealBiscuit]

Hi all.
as you all may remember my relationship is heavily on the rocks but I wanted to get your opinion still…
I was watching a video my partner had taken on his phone of a concert - he knew I was watching it.

What he didn’t really realise is that I watched all of it and at the end he forgot to stop the video.

it went on to a conversation with his friend in the car where he said “I should have married her” in reference to his ex. How lovely she was and his friend agreed it would have been a great idea.

we’ve been together over a decade!

AIBU to be extra hurt with this? Or should I have expected it? Is that what people say in a rocky relationship??

The problem is though is that your relationship hasn’t worked. Equally you might have been better off marrying a previous bf instead of him. He seems quite arrogant to assume she would have been happy to be married to him, maybe she would be where you are now if he had.

You have been on Mumsnet saying things are rocky. This is an example of him saying a similar thing in a different way. Time to have a serious talk.

Are you actually splitting up, because it sounds like you’re flogging a dead horse here.

I would assume neither of you are happy. He shouldn't have said what he did but equally you should have stopped watching the video when the concert ended. It would have been clear that the concert was over and he was accidentally filming and it would have been more than a couple of minutes before he was even back to the car. So you could have chosen to stop but presumably you had some reason you wanted to carry on to see what he was doing. That for me would be a reason to end it, feeling the need to see what my partner was doing or saying when he didn't realise it was being recorded means I don't trust him and that is no basis for a relationship

I went nuclear internally believe me. That’s why I came immediately here.

You’ve got how I feel entirely!!!

That's very possibly what he wanted, a reaction.

ETA: That was in response to you saying you went nuclear @YourRealBiscuit

That comment should be the end of your relationship. Wake up. You deserve so much better.

He did exactly what he wanted with it but he did say I could live in the house until
i died.

Cut your losses. Stop hoping he’ll marry you,evidently he doesn’t want to. you’re in a rocky relationship. If he’s fondly recalling an ex that’s not a surprise

His musings seem a bit 'the grass is greener' so I wouldn't hold on to those words about his ex. He's only got a few people to compare you to and he's probably just reaching as he's not content. It may be that she turned him away so all those mind games are coming into play too.

He doesn't sound a great catch given how he's being cagey about relationship security.

If I'm being honest, I'd be really surprised if the 'forgetting to stop the video' wasn't contrived by him to bring things to a conclusion.

Move on and flourish OP X

I don’t think he realised id see/hear that. I had the video (of music obviously) playing while I did things so it went on and on and I kept listening.

OP if you have kids - end it

We’ve got kids and all the rest.
Was going to put up the decorations today and have a good crack at having a good Christmas but I’m just not one of those who can just swallow this, hearing what I’ve heard!

Do you mean that he just said that or is it in the will that you can live in the house for life?

That’s one hell of a phone … starts recording some of the concert, gets put away (in a pocket??) records the rest of the concert (accidentally), then the walk back to the car, and the drive home, capturing all the conversation perfectly despite it being put away somewhere .. whilst at no point the owner has checked the phone and seen it’s still recording.

Op just hugs, if you saw it you saw it. I’d personally bring it up because otherwise it’ll eat away at you, it’s a huge thing if there’s any feeling that the relationship is on the brink. He might have said it and immediately thought wtf or maybe he does feel that way but personally I’d ask x