Is this cheeky? Giving child a lift?

[Bubblegirly]

My DD aged 8 does a class every week and has for the last two years. Last week I ran into an old friend who I haven’t seen for around 3 years. She was bringing her DS for the first time. It was nice to catch up etc and we said see you next week.

ive just had a message asking if I can take and drop home her DS tomorrow as she is struggling to fit everything into her day. I’m like WTF? I only met DS last week for the first time. I’m going to say no but is this cheeky? It really feels it? It’s only his second week and I don’t want to set a precedent

😂💀

There's a line between doing a favour and being taken for a mug.
This has all the hallmarks of getting ready to take the Op for a complete mug. Dont have time, what makes this week different to any other week?

Nobody would have thought anything of it if it was a reciprocal arrangement, one drops, one collects

I don't get it.

We take all sorts of kids everywhere. I often have to remind myself who I'm meant to be collecting, because it's different each week. There's a child we barely know who we take home from school every day, her parents don't even mention it, but it's nothing at all.

Life is hard enough, isn't it? DP and I are self employed and arrange our day around those commitments, other people aren't so lucky. If I can help then I will, because it's nice! It always means that if we're out of action for any reason, we have people more than willing to return the favour.

I've been there when you're stressed and can't fit everything in, if I can take that shitty feeling away from someone then of course I will. Often it's a reciprocal arrangement but we don't keep score. I want to be someone that kids can come to when it's raining and they've forgotten their coat. Or they've had a bad day and a trip home with a car full of friends cheers them up.

That's my approach, @TheWonderhorse . Mine are adults now, but goodness knows how many lifts I've given over the years, or other favours. I've certainly gained in return. Parenting can get a bit hectic. Who doesn't need the odd favour? You can't always look at things through the prism of what you gain or lose.

Can you reply saying that you struggle to fit it in as well so if she wants to lift share that would be great, would she prefer to do drop off or pick up

I have no idea what this woman's ulterior motives are, or what, if any, hallmarks there are.
The child needs a lift to an activity.
I'd agree, so would others on here.
Many on here clearly wouldn't. C'est la vie.

She's only just met you again and she's already asking.
Don't do it,don't give a lift as it'll be harder to say no next time.

The issue is most parents are busy and tight on time. I struggle enough to get my kids where they need to be without adding someone else's kids to the mix.

I would take the child this time and say next week can you take DS. Suggest tag team it. Work out how it will benefit you both.

Could always try one parent drop off, the other does pick up.

Cheeky unless she's offering to alternate weeks so you both get a break every other week.

More like just be a mug. You do you and let OP decide for herself.

Unbelievably cheeky! Say No, dosent work for you.

Where I am is that I will do one off favours for emergencies - e.g. school strike days, I had 3 friends of my kids round because I could get the day off on full pay and they couldn't.

I will also do favours that are reciprocal.

What I don't do are one sided favours for CFs. This very much has the feeling of being in that category. Her reason for asking you more or less amounts to "I can't be bothered to take him and my time is more important than yours". There's also no suggestion of "and the following week, I would be happy to return the favour"

We had a neighbour offer to take our son every week to an activity with their daughter - we don't have a car so couldn't reciprocate directly so I said "that's really kind - let us know if there's anything we can do for you" and, as a result of that conversation, we feed their cat when they go on holiday and we are all happy with that arrangement.

Someone who doesn't mention reciprocation at all has the warning sign of CF

I hate this kind of thing! The trouble is if she is the type to be entitled and make requests like this then she'll be the type to be offended, do you really want this person in your life anyway? I presume she has just seen an opportunity to try and catch a freebie as she knows you go anyway, super cheeky! I'd agree with other posters, before you know it you'll be doing the run for her more often than not, she's just testing the water I think! Definitely nip it in the bud!

YANBU - yes, I do think your 'friend' (who you haven't kept in touch with for 3 years) is being very cheeky asking you to take on that burden, assuming you have more time to spare than her, and happily offloading her son to a virtual stranger.

I see you have already agreed to do the first pick up/drop off, but after that I would simply say your schedule is too tight to carry it on going forward, don't elaborate as it's none of he business what you do with your time. It's her responsibility to sort out drop offs/pick ups for her child, don't get manipulated into being an unpaid nanny.

Hi X
Lovely to bump into you again ..sorry no can do lift as Dd and I dont want to you cheeck mere have other plans each week. Hope you get it sorted.

Look the problem with all this ‘be kind’ narrative is that there’s no nuance. As a mother with teenagers I’ve been through the school system and there are a lot of cheeky chancers out there. If you give an inch they will take a mile

I’m more than happy to help out a friend in need

In this situation ‘struggling to fit everything in’. Isn’t a good enough reason for OP to give a lift both ways to a boy she doesn’t know . We’re all busy. OP could take and the friend could collect - that would give them both extra time. Or they could alternate. Why is her time more important than the OPs?

It’s also not so thing I’d ask of anyone, even a close friend. So I would take that in to account. It’s just a cheeky request.

Being kind isn't always being a mug. Asking a favour isn't always being a CF.
Look at situations on their own merit. There have been some extreme responses on here. Just a little bit of give and take is good, but if you can't manage it, don't do anything.

The responses here are why we no longer have a village.

Feels like if you say yes it will become a weekly obligation. This isnt an emergency, its a gateway to a regular responsibility. Very cheeky he isn't your DCs friend and tbh I think its a bad parent who'd leave their child with a stranger (I'm sure you're not strange but you know what I mean)

I'd say no. Sorry, you appreciate her struggle but you're in the same boat and can't take the pressure of adding additional drop offs to your diary.

If it's just a once-off for an old friend, what's the problem?

Just say "sure, but just this week yeah?" when agreeing to it.

Not everything has to be a battle.

@Bubblegirly what happened? Was she grateful? Has she asked again?

Exactly, it annoys me when people assume that they are the only one that is busy, its a struggle for most people to fit everything in and take children to clubs of an evening etc.

@KAT0779 "Exactly, it annoys me when people assume that they are the only one that is busy, its a struggle for most people to fit everything in and take children to clubs of an evening etc."

She asked someone who's going already. I honestly can't see anything wrong with that!

I think it's poor form to ask for a non emergency favour like this without any sense of how you would reciprocate

"Can you do XYZ for me because I am busy" = rude to me

"Can you do XYZ for me because I am really busy tomorrow and I can do it for you the following week/babysit for you one evening/something else?" = not rude