To think DH did nothing wrong here?

[Challas]

On my way to do the school run in the dark I nearly slammed into a little black car that was broken down just around a blind on our very rural 60 mile an hour road. I noticed a woman alone sitting in the car. I called DH and asked him to go at least put cones around the car but also to offer to the woman for him to stay with her (in his car) or come stand on our drive so she didn't get killed sitting in the car. He went up to her and she politely declined (all fine but he was legitimately afraid for her). He did then drive back around the bend and sat there with his hazards on to slow any cars coming down. Eventually the recovery van came for her and all was well until a few hours later we had the police at the door saying this woman reported DH for having made her feel threatened!? He's now said in the future he just won't even offer help if he's in the same position again. The police were fairly aggressive with wanting to know exactly what he said and did so clearly she was very uncomfortable.

You don't know how practicable that would be. At the very least, it would have involved turning round in a winding country road in the dark and coming back. Not a manoeuvre I would fancy, especially with a toddler in the back of the car.

You and DH were trying to help but you overstepped. Surely you'd see that the woman may feel vulnerable. You also should have known your DH was putting himself in a vulnerable position. I know it shouldn't be like this but it is unfortunately

I wouldn’t stay in my car if it broke down, even if it wasn’t round a corner on a road where people routinely drive too fast, no.

What I said was that I would be annoyed if someone offered me help and when I refused did whatever they’d offered anyway. She probably had a different assessment of the risks involved. She may have been wrong but I can see why a woman on her own might find a man who stayed when she’d said “no” to be concerning.

As he thought her car was a danger to others, after she’d refused his help he should have called the police to let them know there was hazard and they could have gone and made it safe.

What is wrong with people’s reading comprehension? 🤦‍♀️ The OP clearly states that her DH offered to wait in his car, not hers.

I agree with you @ChallasI think your DH did the right thing.

But they rightly thought about other people than this woman. She seems pretty weird anyway, in that she doesn't seem to have thought to put hazards on, and it's difficult to see why she refused the offer of cones. OP and her husband were right to save other people from crashing into her.

They don't bother reading, they bend the narrative to fit the man being in the wrong.

I can’t believe how so many people are accusing the husband of behaving badly when all he did was try to help, this is how we’ve become such a ‘walk on by it’s not my problem society’ shame on that woman for reporting him, and even worse shame on the police for acting so aggressively and not thanking him for using his common sense.
Is this the world we live in now, someone helps a stranger and suddenly everyone’s talking about rape … heaven help the next generation.

How exactly would that prevent anyone from hitting the woman's car in the time before the police turned up?

Oh ho, what a clever little thing you are.

I didn't imagine the woman would have been able to write down his license plate given the way the situation was described but it's entirely possible.

I would have suggested to the police they should have saved some of the energy from their unnecessary aggression towards your dh on advising the woman that her situation by remaining in her car on a blind bend without any warning cones or hazard signs around it was far more threatening to life and limb than the man who provided her with his full name and address, did not make her do anything she didn't want to do, and acted to alert other road users to her presence in order to protect people from harm. They could also have suggested to her that she carry breakdown warning triangles in her vehicle in future.

It’s one thing to feel frightened by a strange man approaching your vehicle when you are in a vulnerable situation (totally understandable), and another thing altogether to complain about him once you are safe - and if she complained at the time, but they did not appear until hours later, then it is the police who are 100% at fault for failing everyone concerned at every level with the slowness of their response and aggressive handling of the situation when they finally appeared.

When you live in the countryside, we try and look after people. The roads are often hazardous and if you aren’t aware you do encounter problems and she obviously was causing problems to other drivers. This guy was trying to mitigate any other accidents as he should.

Neither you nor your husband did anything wrong. The woman who decided to stay in her car when she’d been told it was dangerous to do so was an idiot. She turned down an offer of help and then compounded her idiocy by reporting your husband to the police. I’m amazed that so many people managed to misunderstand your OP.

Oh ffs. I am not suggesting OP does anything at all. I gave a very measured (in my humble opinion) view of the situation in my first post which considered both the good intentions of the husband and how the woman could possibly misinterpret the strange bloke approaching her on a dark country lane. I really didn't realise it would raise so many questions from so many subsequent posters.

He literally told her where he lived (you know, like all would-be rapists do). Also, presumably, she had a phone - no need to write anything down.

He didn't offer that

This^ I would have felt very uncomfortable with this as well.

Meant well but a little misguided. Probably would have been better to ring the police non emergency line and point out that she was stuck in a really dangerous spot and needed assistance.

He didn't try to gain access to her car, did he? He didnt harrass her. He offered help, she felt uncomfortable and declined, he sat in his car with the hazards on.

She massively over-reacted.

In Spain it is now a legal requirement to have a very bright flashing light that you put on top of the car. Newer models automatically send SMS messages to the rescue services and a couple of numbers of the owner's choice to say "I've broken down at these GPS coordinates". I've seen one of these in action and I'm sure you would be able to see at least a trace of it from a couple of hundred yards away around a bend at night.

Your DH drove behind her and put his hazards on. He did a fantastic job. Let him know that.

As a gay man, I feel sick that women think I could potentially be dangerous to them when just trying to help. I'm mortified that you also feel like that. How can I do better?

Your DH shouldn’t stop being a good person because some people are overly triggered by benign offers of help. Maybe she has trauma or something but if it was me or my daughter (or my son or DH) we be very grateful for someone trying to literally prevent us being killed.

I think this is a classic case of a "nice" man being completely oblivious to the cumulative effect of male aggression on women. He knows he doesn't pose a threat, so he can't understand why he's perceived as one by a lone woman who doesn't know anything about him. I would have been frightened if I were her, particularly if I had asked him to go away and he'd sat in his car a short distance away.

Men, nice unthreatening well-intentioned men, need to educate themselves about what women face from their sex class as a whole, and be more mindful.

I think this is a classic case of a "nice" man being completely oblivious to the cumulative effect of male aggression on women. He knows he doesn't pose a threat, so he can't understand why he's perceived as one by a lone woman who doesn't know anything about him. I would have been frightened if I were her, particularly if I had asked him to go away and he'd sat in his car a short distance away.

With his fucking hazards on! Literally drawing attention to being there. Get a grip!

I don’t see an issue with what your husband did, the only mistake he made was to not call the police and advise them a broken down car was in a dangerous position and causing a hazard. If I had broken down I’d be grateful if help be it from a man or woman

A friend of mine here in Aus was taken to court for breaking ribs during cpr. Thankfully judge saw right through the person who brought the claim and she had to pay costs she even reported him to the hcpc council so he was suspended for 3 months after they 'investigated'

This is why no one helps anymore. I’m definitely at the point where I think three times before offering to help. I just can’t be bothered with the potential backlash.

I hope no one helps her next time she is stranded in a stupid place.