To think that if the school uniform states black shoes the kids should be wearing black shoes?

[Annabella92]

I probably am being unreasonable. I'm just frustrated by a daily battle I have with my child. The school dress code is black shoes with black or white socks. Every quarter the newsletter reiterates this and seeks to remind parents. So I make sure my child has black shoes, two pairs actually, one waterproof more expensive pair as they sometimes have to go through long wet grass to get to school. And every morning is a battle to get them to wear black shoes with black or white socks (which I bought plenty of too). They say everyone just wears their normal coloured trainers and whatever socks and when I go to school pickup, they're not wrong. So it seems this is voluntary in practice and next year i can save £100 on shoes and socks and not have to deal with the drama every morning. I'm.a natural rule follower but feel like an idiot

TLDR: if something is part of school dress code it should be enforced, or just dropped altogether?

You are absolutely not being unreasonable but this is Mumsnet where most people think uniforms are bad and therefore shouldn't be enforced because .... they're bad.

I agree that there's not much point having rules unless they're enforced, but I'd see this as an opportunity to teach your child that they should follow the rules out of respect to the school, and whether other people are doing so is their choice and shouldn't affect yours.

What's behaviour like generally at the school? Usually the schools that aren't able to uphold uniform rules are the ones so overwhelmed with other issues that it is deprioritised.

Our school puts in isolation when a child so much as forgets their tie. I fully support their stance, they're doing something right, the school is excellent. It all comes down to respect for me, so don't relent with your teens.

Perhaps there are genuine reasons why others have different shoes and it's none of your business?

There's no point having the rules unless they're enforced, and I think schools should be honest about what matters/doesn't matter in their uniform list. I've even fallen foul of it all as a teacher, I dutifully bought my son everything from the school PE kit list and yet he never used shin guards or gum shield, and it turned out he didn't need special football boots because he wasn't in top set PE. I was furious!
One side note- I know at my school that some students wear trainers or other shoes for other reasons, so it's possible that it's not 'everyone'.

@Zae134 yes, there's a very expensive school branded rugby shirt hanging in my son's wardrobe that mocks me when I open the door, it has been there untouched since year 7, 3 years ago.

Are you sure they’re not changing into regular trainers etc just to walk to and from school? (If you’re only seeing this at pick up).

I agree. I think they should enforce their rules, or relax their rules. It is annoying trying to decipher uniform lists to work out which bits are actually essential and what actually happens in reality.

There will be a few who have genuine reasons for wearing other things occasionally, but not loads like the op is seeing.

How old is your DC op?

I bought all black Nike airforces for my DD15. It sorted the problem.

But yes they should be enforced

Are they wearing plain black trainers?
As a children's physio I occasionally write letters to ask for children to be allowed to wear plain black trainers to school, to be able to fit specialist splints or insoles in.

These items aren't always visible on the outside so you wouldn't know they had them, so if it's just this, then yes you are being unreasonable.

If children are wearing a random variety of coloured and expensive trainers then you are not being unreasonable. If they can afford expensive trainers then they can afford school shoes, can then them for a tenner in supermarkets.

It would piss me off if I was following the rules and they weren’t enforced. My kids went to schools where they were which made life so much easier for the parents.

Yes, and schools I've known are very strict (black trainers or patent leather were not acceptable uniform). Why not ask the head to reiterate what the policy is? If they say they turn a blind eye to certain aspects then go ahead and join them. If not, ask why so many kids then seem to wear what they want and why must you continue to battle your child? Believe you me, the head is well aware that not all students are delighted to wear a school uniform.

I totally agree. It's a battle at my school where kids are allowed to wear just cheap supermarket uniform (navy or grey) and black trainers. Yet there are mums who insist they can't afford the £2 supermarket jumper while their kids pitch up in Nike tracksuits and £100 Nike Air trainers. If really grinds my gears

It depends imo. A financial issue - fine. A “screw you my trainers will have a swoosh on them” issue - not fine and the school would have my backing.

I broke many uniform rules (non regulation shirts / socks / shoes / pe bag, top button un done, bright coloured bras etc), yet I never got a detention, possibly some luck but mostly because I flew under the radar as I was a dillegent and hard working but middling student (never excelled at anything), and therefore I was pretty much a nobody except t`o a couple of teachers who taught me all the way through secondary.

Not excusing my behaviour, I just hated the uniform rules. Although I always wore my tie

i think it depends on the school. My school was very strict with uniform and we’d be in trouble if our ties were not tied correctly so black shoes were a must. However, the school I work at now is in an area of deprivation with many children having behavioural and attendance issues. They don’t mind what the pupils are wearing, as long as they turn up to school! They choose their battles which I think is best for their overall education.

Is it a secondary or primary school? In my experience (primary teacher) many primary schools don’t strictly enforce the rules, the uniform policy is a guide but if children come in wearing trainers instead of black shoes it’ll often be overlooked. As an EYFS/ KS1 teacher I certainly don’t care what colour shoes or socks children are wearing, just that they are comfortable and practical, I’m not even sure if my school uniform policy includes shoes I’ve never read it properly. In secondary schools the rules around uniform tend to be more strict and will usually be enforced.

As a parent to a child who likes to follow rules, but also doesn't want to stand out, I find this infuriating. Rules should be enforced, or the rule shouldn't be there.

No point in having the rules if they don’t follow them however after our school cracking down on this sort of thing and the absolute ridiculous backlash that followed I understand them avoiding it!

A lot of schools don't help themselves, here. They publish great long list of uniform that parents dutifully buy for year 7 (at considerable expense) and then it turns out that the children never wear the sports top or socks or the jumper etc. So parents get pissed off with all the money they've wasted and lose inclination to support uniform policies.

It would be far better if schools decided which few items are genuinely important to them and then enforced this.

At primary uniform isn't enforceable so that's why school isn't picking up on trainers etc. But they aim for what they want by requesting proper shoes or all black. And tbh at Primary I do feel most parents should comply because it's relatively inexpensive and easy to get the right stuff for smaller children. At Secondary it becomes harder and more expensive.

The other issue is that schools will focus on something that really doesn't matter in the great scheme of things, like a short skirt or a kid not wearing the right colour trousers, while ignoring much more important issues.

My own dd was a school refuser. She had quite bad anxiety at one point. It was so hard to get her to attend and I would manage it and then some fuckwit would tell her off the moment she walked through the door for a tiny uniform infraction and all that effort would be undone!
So possibly your school are picking their battles.

But certainly if no one else is wearing black shoes, I wouldn't battle with my child over it. The most important thing imo is their behaviour in class and towards other children and that they are engaged and learning.

It's a primary

Most kids say that "everyone else does that instead". Ignore.

Some of the boys wearing black trainers and I thought this might be a suitable compromise and I'd get my daughter some black trainers but no, they were coloured ones she wanted because that's what the other girls were wearing. And she's correct, they are. So I decided not to waste any further money on black trainers which she probably wouldn't wear either, or at least not without a battle.

If it was a couple of kids from less privileged backgrounds I wouldn't really have a problem it's just that I literally can't point to a single girl wearing dress code from the ankle down and I can understand my daughters desire to fit in. I just wish I hadn't bothered spending the money trying to comply with what I thought were the rules!

This is true

It is my business.