Manager being awkward as grandfather's funeral is 23rd Dec

[Mokel]

I work in retail. Grandfather died on Sunday and confirmed his funeral is on Monday 23rd December. For those who need reminding, 23rd Dec or Xmas Eve Eve is the busiest day of the year for retail.

My aunt and her OH arranged the funeral to before Xmas as not to dwell over us over the period.

My employer allows us to have time off for the funeral if its parents, grandparents, partner, children, grandchildren and ILs.

My manager has reacted badly to this. Granddad was my last grandparent. My grandmother on the other side of my family died 20 years ago. Granddad's wife, died when I was 2 years old suddenly. Have no memory of her - though there are a few photos of me being held by her as a baby.

I am not happy at the way I am treated at work because of this. I hate going to work now.

How are you being treated now on the back of this?
I wouldn't entertain it at all and go straight to HR, get them to tell the manager to back off.

Your manager can continue to be pissed off Then.
What can they do realistically?
Not a lot
Go , will you regret not going?
Tell the manager you're going and that's the end of the conversation.

Involve HR, you are allowed the time by your employer so the manager can be as pissed off as they like-ignore the heartless cunt.

That is bullying you for taking a day you are entitled to. If it continues you speak up directly to your manager or you go to HR.

I'm sorry for your loss

What do you mean by reacted badly, what are they doing and saying?

He is not happy in giving me the day paid on the busiest day of the year for us. He feels I am inconvenienced him.

I can't help for having a grandfather dying now.

Either tell him you’re going and to deal with it or involve hr. His career isn’t going anywhere fast if he lacks empathy this badly.

If you're really feeling bad about it, what I would do is print out some proof (death certificate/ order of funeral service or similar) and give it to your manager. Yes I know you shouldn't have to, but if it's hanging over you and you feel awkward at work I would do it just to get the manager off your back (and hopefully, make him feel guilty). Then once you've done that refuse to feel guilty or bad any more. You're entitled to that day off paid so don't spend one more moment feeling bad about it.
Sorry for the loss of your grandfather.

It's tough for him, isn't it? If it's the norm to be allowed a day off for the funeral of a grandparent, you get the day off and it doesn't matter if the manager's moaning about it. They can't change the rule because the date makes it a bit inconvenient to have one fewer people working that day. Go to HR if he's making you feel uncomfortable.

Your manager is being a complete douche! How disrespectful.

I feel like you should tell him you're dealing with a very upsetting bereavement and attending a funeral not a rave and that his lack of empathy is making this whole thing harder for you.

If you'd rather not do that then I would be speaking to HR to report him.

I’m very sorry for your loss 💐
Some things in life are more important than work and some managers don’t get that 😠
Who on earth are the people voting that you’re being unreasonable! Probably the same type of manager 😣

Over 4 weeks for a funeral? is that the only date they could book? seems a very long wait.

Are you the OPs manager? FFS

I’m sorry for your loss. I’d say that a late Dec date for a death in November is a bit unusual which is probably your manager is a bit sniffy about it. Have you explained to them what the rationale for the delay is - that might reassure your managerz

About a month is normal based on my recent experience.

In what way is he expressing that unhappiness though, did he say it when he gave you the day off, did he say Im unhappy about this, its our busiest day

Or has he been mentioning it over and over.

He hasnt got a great bedside manner but he may well have been being factual.

Completely normal, someone at work has the same thing

Gosh that's an awfully long time to wait for a funeral. I'm sorry, your manager is being a dick. There's absolutely nothing you can do about it, he shouldn't be making you feel bad

It seems fairly normal length of time to wait, in England at least

4 weeks for a funeral right now in England at least is pretty normal.

Have you explained to them what the rationale for the delay is - that might reassure your manager

The 'rationale' is none of their God damn business and I wouldn't be explaining or apologising for anything. The manager has to suck it up and that's pretty much it.

It’s normal for this time of year apparently - also based on recent experience. The death was in 1st week of November and the funeral will be in the 1st week of December.

Sorry for your loss.

I had to wait a long time for a family members funeral as there were a lot of deaths and the crematorium was fully booked for weeks.

As a previous poster suggested, I'd take some kind of proof with me to show I was genuinely attending a funeral.

You don't have to. And they don't have to pay you for the time off, it depends on their policy. So I'd try and offer proof in the hope they'd treat me well knowing I was being truthful.

My (very) recent experience is 2.5 weeks from death to funeral so 4 seems long to me too, but it still doesn’t excuse your manager being unsympathetic. He can think and feel what he likes about being inconvenienced, he shouldn’t be communicating that to you or anyone else.

Yes, my Dad’s funeral was almost 4 weeks after he died. There are more deaths in the winter months.