Manager being awkward as grandfather's funeral is 23rd Dec

[Mokel]

I work in retail. Grandfather died on Sunday and confirmed his funeral is on Monday 23rd December. For those who need reminding, 23rd Dec or Xmas Eve Eve is the busiest day of the year for retail.

My aunt and her OH arranged the funeral to before Xmas as not to dwell over us over the period.

My employer allows us to have time off for the funeral if its parents, grandparents, partner, children, grandchildren and ILs.

My manager has reacted badly to this. Granddad was my last grandparent. My grandmother on the other side of my family died 20 years ago. Granddad's wife, died when I was 2 years old suddenly. Have no memory of her - though there are a few photos of me being held by her as a baby.

I am not happy at the way I am treated at work because of this. I hate going to work now.

Dad was eight weeks as his body had to go to the coroner because it was a fall at home.

Not read other posts but are you with a union? (Also work retail supermarket)

Shouldn't be made to feel this way on top of losing your grandfather. So sorry.

Hi, I am so sad for you. Sorry indeed for your loss. I wonder if you said to him Well what would he do if it was his Grandfather it might make him think on. I would totally involve HR or personnel as it used to be. With the COL the place might not be too busy anyway. Even if they are it is too bad. I wonder if you have considered getting in touch with your local paper and television news stations. You could say to him that you are going to do that. It will show him to be the heartless sod that he is. Maybe then he would maybe even send you flowers on the day. I reckon the BBC and ITV local news would help as it would be the human interest story for your area. You never know you might by then be offered some bereavement time off. If I was in HR and threatened with bad publicity I would be hauling the man in and telling him it will show the place up as treating staff badly and I would not favour that man with any promotion as he is heartless .Best wishes with getting this dealt with.

"Sorry manager, I will make sure my family die on a convenient date next time" Say with a straight face.

It's not unusual. My dad died in November and his funeral was in December. We had to wait for the church to have time available for the service. We had the same when my mother died ( in Spring)

He is seriously out of order. It's not your fault the funeral is on Christmas Eve. Something like that could occur in your manager's life, or anyone's, for goodness sake! Of course you must go to the funeral.

In your place I'd be looking around for another job in the new year, maybe line up a couple of interviews in advance.

Good luck.

It's the norm now. Go on any local newspaper's website and see yourselves. I have friends who lost relatives this year and the gap between death and funeral was 4 weeks. For the 7-10 days before, they were getting anxious and want the funeral done and dusted.

Ignore your manager - if he carries on being grumpy even in Jan look for another role.

You keep saying he is unhappy.

What is he doing or saying?

Sorry that your grandfather has died. At a time of grief the last thing you need is a difficult manager.

you’ve said they have been treating you badly due to the date of the funeral. I’d go to HR with an email and set out what actions this manager has taken due to the funeral date. List them and give evidence if possible

hope this can be resolved swiftly for you

You couldn't make this up. Ignore, take the time you need, and find a new job.

Your manager is very unprofessional. Sure be annoyed, privately. Absolutely nothing you can do, and his reaction to someone grieving a beloved grandparent is disgusting. If he continues to treat you poorly i’d confront him, ask him what he expects you to do? Given it wasn’t you organising the funeral and they are not going to re-arrange due to one person working in retail. He needs to work on his management skills.

You are getting the day off. Yes, your manager may be pissed off because as you pointed out, the 23rd and 24th are busy in retail. Your manager has to try and cover your shift, or let the tean know they are going to be a person down on one day.
So he is in the wrong for not hiding his feelings, but you should also try and see it from their pov (good training for your future management career). I doubt they are being ' nasty' per se, rather just acting out.
Condolences on your loss

Quite normal where I live in the South East of England, especially in winter when there are more deaths anyway. If it's a cremation they can get booked up, especially in the run up to bank holidays.

Im sorry for your loss OP.

Yeah I was thinking to myself that I need to leave. The treatment/behaviour of manager has cement this.

A few colleagues know what he done to me and if need be- back me up.

Yes the manager is being nasty. OP has suffered a bereavement of a close family member and is grieving. No matter how inconvenient it is for the manager, he should be showing some compassion for his employee and hiding his frustration completely. Sadly when arranging a funeral it's impossible to cater to everyone's schedule, so likelihood is for someone it will not be great timing. He has to suck it up and get on with being a manager.

Had similar timescale a few years back when a relative died early December and we wanted the funeral before Christmas.

Sorry to hear you lost your grandad.

Is it a chain store or an independent store? And what exactly is your manager doing?

If a chain, then I suggest you complain to HR, that you’ve had a bereavement, yet are working hard at a very busy time. However, the way your manager is making you feel about attending the funeral is making you want to leave (they’ll be worried about a constructive dismissal claim).

If independent, attempt to swap shifts with another member of staff. If you can’t, attend the funeral anyway and if your boss is still difficult, look for another job. Why work for a place where they have so little compassion for their staff? If you have retail experience, I’m sure you’ll find something somewhere else.

But what HAS he done? Presumably as your GF died on Sunday, the arrangements would have been made on Tuesday at the earliest, you would only have told him on Wednesday so from your first post thats at the very best 2 days that he’s known?
Ive been to 3 funerals this month and it was a week after each death before the dates of each funeral was decided.

September death, November funeral. 4 weeks is not unusual.

Sorry for your loss.
I can perhaps see why the manager is a tad miffed, because it is an inconvenient date regarding work busy times, and also seems quite a long time away from the actual date of death, however if that's genuinely the only date they could get for the funeral then you deserve the same time off as anyone else.

If it’s a burial, things will be backlogged from the snow and heavy rainfall.

Also, join a union and seek their advice.

Have you ever tried to book a funeral in the UK? It takes forever.

OP your manager needs an empathy implant. Sure it's annoying for him, but it's not your fault! I'm sorry for your loss and I hope your manager gets over himself.

4 weeks for a funeral right now in England at least is pretty normal.
again In England, MN posters must surely know it isn't only English posters and there are other countries?
Scotland it's 2weeks hence my surprise at a month.