Manager being awkward as grandfather's funeral is 23rd Dec

[Mokel]

I work in retail. Grandfather died on Sunday and confirmed his funeral is on Monday 23rd December. For those who need reminding, 23rd Dec or Xmas Eve Eve is the busiest day of the year for retail.

My aunt and her OH arranged the funeral to before Xmas as not to dwell over us over the period.

My employer allows us to have time off for the funeral if its parents, grandparents, partner, children, grandchildren and ILs.

My manager has reacted badly to this. Granddad was my last grandparent. My grandmother on the other side of my family died 20 years ago. Granddad's wife, died when I was 2 years old suddenly. Have no memory of her - though there are a few photos of me being held by her as a baby.

I am not happy at the way I am treated at work because of this. I hate going to work now.

How much do you like your job..?

I’m so sorry for your loss and for the added complication of an idiot of a manager. Can you take it higher up the chain? They should not be treating you this way at all

Tell your manager you are sorry your grandfather inconvenienced him but that is life

You can't miss the funeral. Stand firm. Take proof. He will feel bad when he realises you are telling the truth.

4 weeks normal

I'm sorry for your loss. I know my grandparents were like surrogate parents as we all lived together for a large part of my life and to lose them in adulthood feels so different to losing a grandparent when you're a tot.

I would also contact HR if you have one.

Sorry for you loss.

Your manager's an idiot, it's not like there's much choice in these things.

From your post, it sounds like you will regret not going, if you don't go. Unless this is your one-chance-ever, dream job, I wouldn't pay any mind at all to your boss - sounds like they need a perspective shift. In 10 years, you won't be thinking "I wish I'd made life easier for that twat"...

So sorry for your loss

Your manager is being very unfair and bad at their job by being like this. Awful lack of empathy.

My employer allows us to have time off for the funeral if its parents, grandparents, partner, children, grandchildren and ILs.

^ there’s the policy. The end.

Spell it out
"You seem to be acting in a way that my grandads death is an inconvenience for you personally, rather than the loss of someone who meant the world to me."

Sorry for your loss 💐
Your manager needs to re-evaluate how he treats people, this is unacceptable behaviour especially around a bereavement, have some sympathy jeez!
I really hope he wakes up one morning and realises how much of an inconsiderate arsewipe he is being, otherwise it would be an awful shame if you "got sick" on the busiest days of the year 😉

But also having worked in retail I know this attitude is sadly not uncommon

You just have to completely ignore it and know that the funeral is 1000x more important than not letting your manager down. PPs advise to escalate further if needed is also good.

You are giving him 3 weeks notice, there's no reason why he can't accommodate this. It's a bit of an unfortunate date , but perhaps they booked it because most people had finished school/work for Christmas by then forgetting about retail. I've had this

I'd be job hunting, tell them at the interview you'd need the 23rd off and see what their reaction is before accepting.

When my great uncle died, I was in my first job out of Uni and I suppose a bit naive about the workforce. I took the day off and the next day my manager breezily asked me if I was taking it as a holiday or no pay. Apparently as he was just an ‘uncle’ he didn’t fall under any company policy.

I was outraged that she dared to compare my uncle’s funeral as a ‘holiday.’ He may not have been classed as a ‘parent’ but he effectively was my granddad. His brother, my grandfather, had died when I was young so ‘Mon Oncle Gerry’ took his place.

I didn’t like my employer dictating when and how I was allowed to mourn my loved one. It’s like a line was crossed and left a bad taste in my mouth. I left soon after.

I’d like to believe that the concept of what constitutes a family changes over the years. We took the day off for my neighbour’s funeral because she had been such a support to me when I first moved to England.

Obviously some fuckers will claim ‘my Nan (cough wink wink) died I need the week off’ but most people won’t.

I'm so sorry for your loss 😔 the way your manager is acting is awful. I'd go to HR and make a complaint, you can't help the date it falls on. Don't be made to feel guilty when you are already going through an awful stressful sad time. sending hugs 💐

I'm sorry for your loss.

Remind your boss that the 24th is Xmas Eve and you will be working that day as the funeral is on the 23rd. If he's still huffing then let HR know you need that date off for a funeral as per their policy. Hopefully they'll sort your manager out for you.

When my cousin passed away we waited 6 weeks for his funeral. A long time but sometimes that's just how it is. Hope that helps clarify it for you.

I do see the managers point. Its a long time and perhaps he thinks you would have a say in when the funeral is. But also cant say i would want one so close to xmas but perhaps why the date was available.

Unfortunately the issue is probably that other people fake this sort of thing to get xmas off.

Take no notice he's a cunt.
Report him.

I’m not saying at all this is true but does he feel like since it’s about a month away (which is maybe a bit far) and right before Christmas you are making it up. Again not saying you are just suggesting he may think this?

Nope and it's nothing new, unfortunately. MIL died early December, 7 years ago and her funeral ended up being the day after boxing day. Not just an horrendous wait but we all had to cater the wake ourselves.

Who the fuck voted YABU on this thread???

It's your grandfather's funeral. You didn't choose the date. You have to be there.

End of discussion.

And OP, I am really sorry for your loss and especially that your rubbish manager is making your life harder despite his own employer having a clear policy that this is okay.

@Mokel sorry for your loss. My dads funeral was today. He passed away eight weeks ago He had an accident on the stairs due to being weakened by prostate cancer. DBs manager has been great Even sent him a text this morning telling him he hoped that today went as well as possible.

Your manager is a knob!

Standard. My MIL died on 1st April this year, funeral was 6th May.

No, a very standard time