Not aloud to touch the telly

[dazzledfrog]

Been married 12 years and have 4 children but not aloud to touch "his" telly which is in our lounge.

Dh uses it for gaming mostly or occasionally to watch something he wants and says nobody is to touch his telly apart from him.
He even has a code on it so nobody can touch it while he's at work.
Dc who are school age and a baby can't watch it after school because he's at work and nobody's aloud to touch it.
I can't watch it during the day and have a baby so I'm at home all day.
When I first met Dh he already had a telly so I accepted it was his telly but since then he's replaced it with our joint money and it's still his telly.
He isn't going to budge on this and no amount of talk or compromising is going to change anything.

He sits there all evening/weekends playing Xbox games and the rest of the family is never allowed to watch anything.
The (primarily school) children are told to watch telly in their room which they don't want to and he says I can talk to him while he's on his Xbox.
I wish we could have family time watching films or telly together.
I don't think there's anything I can do about it and feel bad for the children.

Get your own telly and set up a space in your bedroom for the family to watch. Then make plans for your future …

I’d buy a second telly, set it up next to it and call it my telly. Maybe he’ll see how ridiculous he’s being… actually I wouldn’t have married a man like this.

If my husband stopped my children watching "his telly" I'd let them dismantle it
What a strange man!

No you didn't, she already has one giant nob in her life, she didn't need another one!! Veveryone else restrained themselves!!

Let the kids play golf in the living room tomorrow.

Or cut out the middle people and just put a brick through it.

Those poor children

No I think it's FAR more likely she doesn't even see his other controlling behaviours as she's accepted this one for years

I feel for you and your children.

Treating a TV in the family living room as one person's exclusive property is not normal. A healthy relationship should involve sharing resources and making decisions together. It's not just about the TV—it's about respect, compromise and consideration for everyone's needs, including yours and your children's.

His refusal to allow anyone else to access the TV, even when he's not home, is controlling. Control doesn't always look dramatic or obvious—it can show up in small but significant ways, like someone dictating how shared spaces or resources are used.

He prioritises his wants above the entire family. This isn't how a partnership should work. You say, "No amount of talk or compromising is going to change anything". That's very concerning because it suggests he's not open to listening or meeting you halfway. A good partner cares about your feelings and is willing to make adjustments for the sake of the family. If someone shuts down discussions and refuses to compromise, they're making their way the only way—and that's a form of control, even if it doesn't look like what you'd traditionally think of as controlling behaviour.

He sits playing Xbox all evening and weekends while your children are sent to their rooms to watch TV, which they don't want to do. He is isolating them and depriving them of quality family time. It's so sad to think of you wishing for something as simple and normal as watching a film together and being told it's not going to happen. You deserve better than that.

This kind of situation can make it hard to see the bigger picture because it's easy to get used to it over time. But just because something has been happening for a long time doesn't make it okay. This isn't about you being unreasonable or asking too much—it's about having a say in your own home and making sure your children grow up in a space where everyone is valued equally.

You say he isn't otherwise controlling. I don't believe this, but I believe you may do. I'd strongly urge you to reflect on whether there are actually other ways in which he makes unilateral decisions or disregards your feelings. Sometimes these behaviours go hand in hand, and it could help you look at the full picture.

You and your children deserve to feel comfortable and valued in your own home. You don't have to accept this as your life.

I would buy another tv with joint money

I honestly can’t fathom how a grown woman is living like this. Not just the telly embargo, but gaming in his spare time when you have four kids. Does he do anything around the house? Cleaning, cooking, shopping, childcare, school runs?

Put your big girl pants on OP and tell him it’s completely unacceptable and if he doesn’t change this behaviour your marriage is dead. You’ll soon find out what he cares most about.

I went through similar circumstances, I'm a grown woman but I was 17 when we met. It was a slow process he was amazing when we met, gave me his coat, opened all the doors a true gentleman. Slowly the behaviour changed, I would challenge and question it but was told I was overreacting, being emotional. It made me question myself and sanity, mumsnet and woman's aid saved me 10 years ago.

1. Remove his tv’s fuse. Wrap it neatly in sellotape. Replace it in plug. Is he practical enough to spot this?
2. Buy a new TV - maybe a bigger, nicer one - and put it in front of his. Maybe keep the code for this secret?

Get children wound up/over excited when he is at a crucial part in a game.

Ha and put it in front of the other one and tell him he can’t use it and isn’t to fucking touch it, it’s only for the kids and you.

Yes it seems soooo unlikely he’s not super controlling in lots of ways. Fundamentally he doesn’t think the wife or kids have rights, or that he owes them attention and time. These are not small issues, they aren’t medium issues or even large issues, they are huge issues.

He can move into a nice little flat with his telly for company. I'm sure they will happily grow old together.

Your poor children.

I've had children for 23 years and none of them have ever broken a tv. And if they had, it's one of those things you'd claim on insurance and in the OP's case it wouldn't matter as they could quite easily break it and they're not even allowed to turn it on.

You can't break a tv just by watching Bluey on it.

Congratulations, you've prepared your children beautifully to be in abusive relationships.

This.

What would he do if you bought another tv?

How much parenting does he do when he isn't watching tv/gaming?

Tell him it’s your cables and start unplugging it at all times.

Congratulations, you've just added another layer of guilt to this woman who already knows she's living in a shit situation.

What telly is it? We can help you factory reset it so no password

Take the fuses out of all the plugs and refuse to return them until he gives you the code. Then change the code when he is at work and don’t tell him what it is. Now, it’s your telly!