AIBU that husband is going out too much?

[sushiandarollie]

Husband works full time, I am part time; working 3 days & look after DS 2 days a week. This is spent at mum classes/ soft play/errands, chores, shopping etc.
we have weekends off. Husbands has one full night a week doing a hobby. He’s started meeting a friend from this on a weekend day maybe once a month. Either takes DS and I am just at home alone or I have DS. He does Xmas night out with other friends (none have families of their own) and is now trying to organise more regular meet ups with other male friends from his hobby (they either have grown up children or no kids). AIBU this is too much? I have no one to go out with other than mum friends on my days off. My friends are all mums and are busy with breastfeeding babies/or pregnant/ with their families/busy on weekend and not remotely interested in evening or weekend meet ups. We’re about to enter our 5th round of ivf and I’m gearing up for weeks of injections/potential pregnancy and I feels it’s unreasonable for him to be craving socialising this much. The more he does now he won’t want to give up (if another child comes along).

You need to make an effort to probably find a couple of child free friends or suggest your friends leave the H to deal with children once a fortnight

Your life sounds very small, OP. I imagine that’s the source of your resentment.

The issue here is that you need some friends that are interested in doing something other than sitting at home breastfeeding their 3 year old.

Dh does shift work but has hobbies that would be on a Tuesday and Thursday as well as occasional Sundays so it's a given he'll be out on those days if he's not at work, I just make sure I schedule in my plans with enough notice and avoid his hobby days

I've still been out 4 times in November and have twice booked for December, might just take some planning!

@sushiandarollie I think you are getting some really harsh replies here.

I agree with others that on paper the regularly of DH’s socialising is fine, but I’m wondering is he making the same effort with quality family time and couple time with you?

Is similar time and effort going into planning days out with your LO, or dates (even at home) with you as there is for nights out with his friends?

I have a feeling you wouldn’t feel as uneven if so.

Also it’s really hard to make friends as an adult. Is there anyone from work you could go for a drink with? Or a book club or running club on Meetup?

Save your IVF money and don't have another child. You're going to be even more isolated with 2 kids to take care of than you are with one, especially if he's ramping up his own social life and leaving you to it.

He's hardly "ramping" up his social life. It's healthy to have interests and friends outside a relationship. The OP needs to find something for herself.

What are they doing as a couple or family?

I have no idea. You need to ask the OP.

Well read what she said in her posts.

He's going out with his mates and she's home alone with the child.

He isn't ramping up his own social life and leaving her to it He goes out one evening a week. He occasionally goes out of a weekend and sometimes takes the DC with him. When he takes the DC with him OP sits at home on her own, that's her choice she could quite easily go out then.

I did read the OP. I think we have very different ideas of what a healthy relationship is, if you think he's "ramping" up his social life. The OP needs to be a bit more pro active and do something for herself.

Yes, you're right, OP does need to be more proactive

It's not too much.

The problem really is that you need more time to yourself, however you want to spend it.

Make that time; you'll burn out otherwise. Parenting is a marathon.

Seen your update. After the children are in bed, if your DHs are home, you and a friend or two can go to the pub for an hour or two. Or do something else like dinner or cinema or whatever your shared interest is. Even an evening exercise class!
Once you start doing it once a month or so you'll realise how essential it is to your own mental health.