Is this Coercion? Going to the police to report? Please give me you opinions / help?

[ThatFairDeer]

Hi everyone - I've gone anonymous for this as I don't want to be identified!

I'm currently divorcing after 2 decades. I've told exH to sleep elsewhere and he refuses the majority of the time. At night I go to bed really early as he's likely to wake me up talking and complaining mostly about the divorce. Last night again he woke me up - wanting me to take care of his "needs" - on and on and on he went - even said if I'd put out for 30 seconds it would have been over and done with!! He blames my hormones for this as I have told him over and over again I don't want him to touch me but he just ignores this and continues to touch me or rub me - or get into bed beside me and cuddle up to me - which totally gives me the ick and rage and fear all at the same time. I told him last night what he was doing was coercion and that it needed to stop - he said that's all he has left to "get some"!

Am I wrong to think he shouldn't be insisting on wanting to have sex or sexual activities with his ex W who is divorcing him? That trying to talk me round or pestering me to give in to his desires / needs is wrong and that if I did give in that it's not really consenting as I'm not a willing participant?!

Has anyone any experience of going to the police with this type of behaviour - what should I do - should I go to the police?

Right - I'm going to the police station now - wish me luck!

Good luck!

Good luck. He's an arse hole

I am NOT blaming her - but she says she has asked him to not sleep in the same room/bed and I am simply puzzled as to why she might not make that choice for herself seeing as he is refusing to. If she thinks he can do it then so can she.

He sounds a complete pain in the rear and she needs rid of him - that much is clear.

Can you put a lock on your door?

He sounds a complete pain in the rear and she needs rid of him - that much is clear.

Dont minimise his behaviour.

He has to date repeatedly carried out numerous crimimal acts - sexual assault and domestic violence / coercive control.

Would you define a stranger in the street sexually assauting you repeatedly as 'a pain in the rear'?

Well done @ThatFairDeer. I wish you further courage and strength.

Well done! Good Luck.

Oh Good Decision! Reporting to the police is the right thing to do. Stay safe and be well.

It’s a real shame he doesn’t think about his children before he behaves this way. If he’s carted off in a police car and your children see it, they will see that actions have consequences. It won’t be your fault, and perhaps they’re a little young to immediately understand the situation, but they will understand one day.

Also, your children are probably far more aware of various things going on at home than you’d ever realise. I lose count of the amount of conversations I’ve had with now adults, who talk about things that happened in their childhood that their parents thought they knew nothing of. Kids are far more switched on than most parents realise.

You have a right to be safe in your own bed. That comes before anything or anyone else.

@ThatFairDeer 🙌🙌🙌 Good luck! You deserve to feel safe! ❤️

Good luck!

You don't need luck, you need justice. Well done for taking a massive step towards getting it.

Oh gosh - good luck @ThatFairDeer hope it goes well with the police. You should not have to live like this, you are not responsible for his sexual needs.

Very best of luck. Let us know how it goes.

Good luck!

Good luck op, thinking of you

I'm so proud of you

Is getting him out of the house an option? Hope it went well for you today

Can't believe you've been asked why you don't move rooms etc
This is all
On him , I hope today goes the right way and well done , this is awful what you're going through and the fear you have , I would also be scared of this man his actions apart from disturbing are scary.
Please talk to women's aid etc , leaving / breaking up is always the most dangerous time x

Can't believe you've been asked why you don't move rooms etc
This is all On him ,
Of course it is. But she's asked him, he's refused, so her only options are to continue to be sexually assaulted or to remove herself from the situation, it really is that simple. If he won't change his behaviour then she needs to change her response, but in no way is this situation her fault.

Good luck OP

@ThatFairDeer just a message to say I’m thinking about you.
I hope it went ok yesterday but even if it didn’t get yourself onto a dv charity.

I’m sending you strength from someone who’s been through it and is years on the other side can tell you once you get through and look back from your future you’ll always treasure the new life you will have forged. Don’t lose hope now this is the last hardest bit keep going then one day it will be your history.

If another adult did this to you you wouldn't even question whether it was sexual assault. The law doesn't change just because he's your ex husband.

He is climbing into bed and touching you in ways you don't consent to. He is applying pressure to try and get you to have sex with him. That IS abuse and it IS assault.

He's disgusting. I'm so sorry.

If this was a man in a bar he'd be thrown out. The same should happen to him.

Good grief I am not minimizing his behaviour! - I have very good reason to understand her situation - I am just suggesting she is proactive in being out of his way when sleeping. I presume there is space for this or she would not have asked him to do this.