To be fed up with an education system that ignores bright but quiet kids.

[ButterMints]

DD9 came home last night upset because once again her efforts in class had been ignored.

The teacher in the class had awarded class points to kids who had "worked hard in maths".

DD had got every question correct but didn't get a point. Points were awarded to children who didn't get 100%.

This seems to be a pattern with both my kids, where they are consistently ignored in favour of loud but less successful children.

My older child left primary school last year frustrated and disillusioned with school, having spent much of the time in class reading whilst others caught up with the work that they had already completed. And in their words, "I get 100% on my practice SATS papers every time and get nothing, but the kids who go from 50% to 60% get all the rewards."

I get it, I really do. Teachers have finite resources. But as a parent it's incredibly frustrating to once again find myself reassuring my child that their efforts do not go unnoticed.

It's a sad reflection of an education that is letting children down across the board. Schools desperately need more funding so that ALL children can reach their full potential.

I don’t disagree with you and I see why it’s demotivating for children who consistently work hard and achieve well, to go unrecognised apparently, but maybe their own motivation and success is its own reward.

I don’t know what the answer is, but I agree that appropriate funding, appropriate settings and appropriate support would be the ideal. Won’t happen though.

Children who got 50-60% more than likely did work harder than someone who got 100%. Learning doesn't come easily to many children and properly worked extremely hard to get that 50% and the teacher recognised this and feels the need to reward them. When I was at school in the 80s teacher praised the 100% kids, thankfully now it recognises all abilities.

Please be thankful that even without the praise of the teacher, your child has the raw materials to succeed. They will do well in any case.

I agree 100% with you OP. It's always the less able or naughty kids who get rewarded.

My son was acknowledged to be the best in year in maths by a long way yet never won the annual maths prize until Y6 because after the 11+ they could no longer say that child A was better than him. 7 years of hell and a mental breakdown because the school said that it was unfair on 29 children to allow my son to meet his potential. There was no concern about his mental health. The education system lumps all children into the same small room when in reality every child is different and needs different education. Frustrating.

Be grateful that your child finds it easy to navigate academic work. Many kids don't and things are so much harder for them.

Teach them to value their own achievements instead of looking for external validation.

Talk to the school if you're really concerned.

YANBU but...one thing I have learned in the decades since school is that being quietly excellent doesn't get you far. If you want recognition and advancement you also need to make yourself visible, make yourself heard, and be willing to say pleasantly "I got all the questions right - am I getting any points? What should I be doing differently to get points then?"

If you don't ask in life, you tend not to get. I didn't realise that as a child with lovely and very fair parents, but with my son I am training him to speak up rather than standing back and waiting for someone to reward his politeness and patience.

After 1 week in Reception DD announced that she needed to be more naughty so that when she started behaving she could get on the Well Done Wall. She struggled to get her head around why doing everything asked of her got no recognition but sitting quietly on the carpet for 5 minutes was so worthy of praise for some children. We managed to explain how sitting quietly on the carpet for 5 minutes WAS actually very difficult for some children and she seemed to accept that but she was largely ignored all through Primary and was outraged when at the Leavers Assembly in Y6 she got no recognition at all for all her achievements and the outstanding student award went to a boy who had been threatened with exclusion for hitting another child just weeks before.
One of the reasons we opted for Private

That is rubbish. Not the case at our school thankfully.

I would talk to the teacher. They probably don't realise the impact they're having. There is no reason why kids who get 100% AND kids who get less can't have a sticker/certificate/praise.

I would also encourage your child to value their own success and not worry about external validation too much (easier said than done, but such an important skill if you want to be a happy adult!).

Why might that be? And what do you suggest?

@Hoppinggreen
we had exactly the same issue and ended up going private. DS was quiet and didn’t need support with work or behavior.
i understand teacher difficulties as there were 4 children who constantly misbehaved and it took most of her time to try to manage them.

Every child should be taught to reach their full potential - however schools are compared (e.g.SATS) on how many score over a certain level. Your child already exceeds that so there is no value to the school in rewarding your child.

The system stinks. It serves no one well. The bright kids lose motivation and feel, for want if another word, unloved. The less welll achieving children are effectively told that a middling mark, or not hitting someone for a whole lesson is prize-worthy. It sets everyone up for disappointment later.

However, probably quite reflective of the workplace too - hard workers who keep their heads down are overlooked too.

This will be very hard to explain to your child, and i totally understand her upset, but intrinsic motivation to do something is better long term than getting points or a sticker.

Plus the reward is she did well in the test and the opportunities that opens.

The points are meant to be motivators but there is a theory they harm motivation anyway.

I totally hear you and get what you are saying, but at the same time, I feel as though my kids are not even given the opportunity to work hard because they are not challenged.

For example, in maths, I could see from the books that he would be given one extra challenge question to complete once he had finished his work. That question was not hard for him at all and it really felt like a token gesture.

I'm not blaming the teachers at all. I know they have to focus on the kids who don't find it easy.

But it's still a cause of frustration in our house.

Mine were both quiet and clever. They never got "chosen", not for anything... other than the obligatory star of the week near the end of the year (when it is obvious they were overlooked, but everyone gets a turn).
But... They know they got 100%. They did their best and their best was obviously bloody good (and we celebrated their achievements). Other people didn't get 100% but did their best too, they needed to be told that their efforts were good.

Both got firsts in their chosen subjects, so it didn't stop them trying hard and doing their best all the way through.

Just couch it that others don't have the support that they have. Others need to be told that they are doing well because it isn't obvious...

Same situation here. Primary school, especially the last year of primary, is all about containing and helping the less able which makes it an incredibly frustrating, boring and confusing year for the diligent, quiet and intelligent ones. I guess it's a resources problem as usual. However, I have found high school to be quite different. The rewards are there for the hard workers and conscientious in my experience.

I remember this happening to me at primary school. I was quiet and well behaved, so went under the radar. The children that would mess around and were naughty most of the time would get rewarded with merit points whenever they behaved. So they ended up getting rewards for having X number of merits before me, even though the majority of the time they misbehaved. I knew even at a young age that this wasn’t fair or right.
As an adult I see how good behaviour should be praised so it wasn’t that the teachers were doing anything wrong necessarily. But I do think if you’re just a good child and don’t need the encouragement then you can be forgotten about.
It’s not really fair but how can one teacher be fair in a class of 30 kids with different abilities and behaviours. Tricky!
Just make sure you praise her a lot yourself. My parents always praised me and told me they were proud and I think this probably helped me
to just get on with it a bit.

I find it helps to be honest with my children that the stickers and certificates etc that teachers use are just behaviour management tools. I say to them that sometimes adults, including teachers, do or say things because it is the easiest way not the best way.

It’s always been this way and always will be. Focus on teaching your child to be more assertive and revel in stretching themselves and their own independent learning.

i presume your child has now moved onto a super selective school with 100% in SATs? Which frankly even the super brightest kids I know didn’t achieve.

I can understand your frustration but your daughter is obviously very able. In the long term she will probably do much better in life than some of those other children.
That said it might be worth raising it with the school though I also agree that going from 50% to 60% correct os an achievement.

Yes absolutely. My older child is a LOT happier in secondary school.

I actually find it quite refreshing to hear that efforts are being made to reward the lower achieving kids as it was the complete opposite when I was at school.

OP your child finds work easy and naturally scores highly which is reward in itself. They are trying to reward those who may have worked just as hard but won’t score as high because of less natural aptitude. Good for them.

Ultimately, when it comes to GCSEs and Alevels, there will be no reward points for effort so it’s good to recognise the hard work less able kids put in along the way.

Given the attitudes shown above, I think you'll need to go out of your way to really big up your children's achievements and show someone does care and does think they're smart. I think there is an issue that some people simply don't remember being a child, and this includes teachers. I still have vivid memories of school, and remember feeling very hard done by that one teacher would only praise the naughty children. Unsurprisingly, I started acting out in her class in an effort to get noticed, despite otherwise being very quiet and compliant through my entire school career. I also began to see hard work and "being clever" as detrimental traits - they got me no notice from the teachers (even on subjects like maths where I did struggle, but still tried hard to quietly work it out for my myself, and then failing and being reprimanded rather than helped) and low level bullying from classmates for being a "boffin". I think you need to have a word with the teacher about how your child's confidence is failing due to being ignored (as it would to any adult - imagine at work if a colleague was publicly praised for some mediocre effort, yet your excellent work goes without notice).

I call BS on "they'll do well anyway" and "learn to achieve self satisfaction in results".

The most successful people from my school were solid C-B grade students who went into lucrative careers.

And the person who NEVER needs praise or even a little bit of external validation when seeing others receive it is either the Dalai Lama or a sociopath.

Teach them to value their own achievements instead of looking for external validation.

All children want external validation. Its how we learn that what we do makes a difference.

High achievers do put lots of effort into their work, and are encouraged by these awards just as middle and low achievers. Able children can be disheartening by always been forgotten and therefore not achieve their full potential.

Its a difficult balancing act for teachers. If everyone has a turn, children notice this and the recognition is devalued. But any other way and children will miss out and feel like their efforts are not good enough.