To be fed up with an education system that ignores bright but quiet kids.

[ButterMints]

DD9 came home last night upset because once again her efforts in class had been ignored.

The teacher in the class had awarded class points to kids who had "worked hard in maths".

DD had got every question correct but didn't get a point. Points were awarded to children who didn't get 100%.

This seems to be a pattern with both my kids, where they are consistently ignored in favour of loud but less successful children.

My older child left primary school last year frustrated and disillusioned with school, having spent much of the time in class reading whilst others caught up with the work that they had already completed. And in their words, "I get 100% on my practice SATS papers every time and get nothing, but the kids who go from 50% to 60% get all the rewards."

I get it, I really do. Teachers have finite resources. But as a parent it's incredibly frustrating to once again find myself reassuring my child that their efforts do not go unnoticed.

It's a sad reflection of an education that is letting children down across the board. Schools desperately need more funding so that ALL children can reach their full potential.

At DD’s primary school there was a star of the week, and she used to get really annoyed that it would go to a child that had managed to behave for half a day. I’d explain to her that for that child that was an achievement. Everyone got it at some point during the year regardless.

At the end of year six they gave out some awards and she got one for hard work all through primary school and I was happy that she had been recognised for trying her best and behaving week in week out.

I think the fact everyone got a turn is a good thing especially at primary. Now she’s at high school they do a class charts point’s system which is fair, they get positives for good behaviour and various other things and negative for poor behaviour and various other things.

I too used to feel sorry for my children who similarly were hard working, quiet and well behaved but rarely got the certificates or merit points that others got who were less well behaved and less hard working. However having thought it all over, it is so important for the school to encourage those who don't find these things easy
(Also it wasn't that mine never got the prizes they just got fewer and got them later in the year). My children are also now really empathetic and supportive to all.

Yanbu, we had similar. The great news is that high schools are delighted to get bright children (high GCSEs look good for them) so tend to encourage them. We discovered a whole new world in Y7 where it was suddenly ok to talk about your child being bright (and bored) with the school.

I agree with you @ButterMints
Hard working, academic children are barely noticed. I just don't understand why children like yours never get the encouragement and support to do better and enjoy their learning experience. They have just as much right to enjoy and be supported in their education as do children who struggle with it.

The whole point of extra time for those with SEN is to try and make the test the same for everyone.

So sad you can't see that.

I think it has moved past that into a significant number of people gaming the system. 40% of private school pupils and 20% of state pupils now awarded extra time. But that's a topic for another thread!

I was a very quiet child who just got on with it. I used to practice things at home like maths, so it did not just come easily to me. Zero recognition. When I complained to my parents they just said life's not fair.

I've got a quiet child. He's very good with some things but can definitely have support with other things. But he is so overlooked because there's always someone louder/ needing more support. No body seems concerned with my child's actual potential, trying to push him, help him speak confidently, recognise him for his good character.

Had a parents evening recently and, at year 3, it was the first time a teacher said 'he's a pleasure to teach!'. I nearly cried. Teacher may not have even meant it, may be she says it to every parent... But all I normally get is 'he is quiet'. And very few certificates etc. compared to classmates.

He spends an awful long time somewhere he's not really 'seen' and it makes me sad.

Encourage her to make some noise. Get her to talk to the teacher quietly. It's tricky though because it might come off as showing off, especially in front of the other kids, so it depends on how she does it.

Anyhow, it's a lesson in real life.

I used to be one such kid. Learning about touting your own horn would have been a useful lesson, had I learnt it earlier! Unfortunately, I think too many people do tout their own horns, without basis.

They wouldn’t get extra time for fun, they would have been identified as having a level of SEN so they get more time to try and make the playing field more even.

I’m shocked I need to spell that out. Your son is 6 you say, well let’s hope he doesn’t need any interventions at some point as it’s not obvious until secondary school for some kids! You wouldn’t want him getting extra support now would you….

To add my DD’s best friend got extra time in her exams and she doesn’t have an official diagnosis of anything, but when they tested her at school (which they do in most secondary schools in year 7) things became apparent. So don’t count your chickens just yet as you can’t possibly know what support your child may need in the future.

I do not believe there is such an enormous disparity in SEN amongst pupils between the public and private sector. 40% of private school pupils! I mean come on.

I suspect no difference in the % of children with SEN but and increase in the % of children with diagnosis of SEN because private school parents are morely likely to have the money to pay for private assessments.

@Lifeglowup I do not think 40% of children could legitimately have SEN. SEN is supposed to be special needs, not ordinary normal needs, and yet apparently we are not far away from half of pupils in private schools apparently having special needs.

Sounds like a rubbish school which has poor reward systems and doesn't stretch pupils. It's not the case that all schools are that same.

Can she move school?

Just tell your kids that these awards are an incentive for the less able.

You're not wrong OP

And I think this is the point that is often missed. All children are equally deserving of the teachers time and effort, but the focus always seems to be on the ones who, for whatever reason, are achieving lower than their peers. This may be due to SEN, to their or their parents attitudes, they may be less able or just can't be bothered.
People can be very quick to jump to SEN as the first reason though. My daughters teacher decided she must have ADHD, as she was often found up out of her chair, not sitting still on the carpet. Her teacher suggested I get her a wobble cushion, which we did. Didn't help at all. The issue was that the work was far to easy for her, she finished it quickly and then got bored, she tried to help her friends and got told off for talking. So then she learnt the strategy of asking to go to the toilet, and then went and read in the library for a few minutes before returning to class to others having finished and ready to move on. Her teacher then told me I should take her to GP for a suspected UTI as going to the toilet so often. Again, failing to see the real issue.
I don't really blame her teacher, it's hard to meet needs of 25 children and she was trying to be helpful. But she missed seeing what my child needed, which was to have her learning needs met, and instead found 'something wrong' with her.

I was exactly the same in primary school, they often found me in a higher year group because I found my class very boring, safeguarding was much lower than nowadays and I could easily wander around the school for an hour before my teacher realised I was gone, I think I once went off site to a park for a bit!
Them I got a scholarship to a private selective school at 11, and my learning experience completely changed.
We are lucky that we live in a grammer school area, as we would struggle to afford private.

Maybe look for other places he can be seen - clubs,sports etc.
My daughters confidence improved no end from doing Rainbows and Brownies, and she now makes herself "known' in class.

It is highly unlikely your child will be good at everything as they go through education. They may as an example struggle with history or geography, in which case getting praise for working harder to do better than expected would likely encourage them.

@Bushmillsbabe I appreciate your advice. Thank you. He is going to a couple of things including Beavers and I'm always looking for something else locally that might fit him better.

What kind of setting ?
Keeping in mind that children working a year behind their peers are unlikely to qualify for an EHCP ,as best they might be on the schools own SEN register and get extra help with reading and writing
They certainly wouldn't be going to a specialist school just because they are a bit behind with their reading.

Ah. And here is where it gets really insidious and long-term dangerous. Not giving out meaningless brownie points to high achievers is one thing. But leaving them entirely unchallenged and twiddling their thumbs is another - that's just not good enough. It's also how you ruin children's school experience. There's so many cases of kids acting up and opting out as a result of school bore-out but I suppose in your case there's also the additional burden of being a girl and all the be kind shite. You really do need to speak up about this, but also, you should encourage your daughter to speak up - it'll serve her well in life.

My DD is in secondary and is always working hard and going the extra mile. It used to drive me mad when I would see other (more disruptive) children getting awards and recognition and little prizes when DD was getting nothing.

But at her parent teacher meeting, all of her teachers were effusive in their praise for her, telling me how helpful she is, a pleasure to teach, brightens up their day etc and I realised that while these other children might be getting these prizes, DD was building great relationships with her teachers and learning so much from that. I was focused on the visible rewards but she was in fact getting so much more behind the scenes. She had one little issue in school and the teachers fell over themselves to help her. It was lovely :)

YANBU but...one thing I have learned in the decades since school is that being quietly excellent doesn't get you far.

^

This. So true at work.

Squeaky wheel gets the grease

But quiet kids who do okay even in things they struggle with, do not get praise or encouragement. They get ignored.