Caused a scene in a cafe today. Now wondering if we were unreasonable

[pennytoffees]

I'll start off by saying I'm welsh, born and bred and speak the language as does my entire family.

We visited (my mother and I) a local cafe today and had such an awful experience. We haven't been there in years but don't remember it being that bad. We don't sound welsh and spoke to them in English so they obviously assumed that we were tourists. They were very cold towards us.

Anyway, we placed our order and another staff member brought the food over to us. We asked for some sauces to which she replied "go and ask her" and then pointed to the woman at the till. There was a queue and we didn't want the food to go cold so asked her if she could get us some. She gave me a filthy look but reluctantly handed them over. I just want to add that at no point did she say that the sauces cost extra so we just presumed that they were free like most cafes/restaurants. It turns out that they weren't (to be honest I think it's pretty greedy charging customers for sachets of sauce when they've spent £14 on a meal and I don't know any other local businesses that do it but thats another argument). We would have paid with no issues had she explained that to us.

The main issue is that she came over to a couple sat behind us and started talking about us in Welsh thinking that we didn't understand. Funnily enough they asked for some sauces and she gave them for free but when we asked it was an issue. The only difference is they were clearly locals. At this point we'd had enough so I asked to speak with the manager and she asked me "why, is there a problem?". I said "yes but I'm not discussing it with you". Anyway, he came over and I explained what had happened. She was on the other side of the counter and came over and said "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you". She wasn't close enough to hear us talking so obviously knew what she had done wrong and was just trying to cover her tracks.

He apologised and we left it at that, didn't even finish our food as we felt so uncomfortable. To be honest I don't think he knew what to do but after reading the reviews online, it's clearly a regular occurrence and he doesn't care how his staff behaves or treats customers. It was embarrassing as everyone was looking at us. We don't like confrontation or causing trouble but felt we had to confront her. I believe we would have been treated differently had they known we were welsh. I was actually embarrassed to be welsh to be honest. They forget it's the tourists keeping them in business.

AIBU? Would you have confronted her or just walked away?

I'd leave a review telling the truth: Cafe doesn't welcome tourists, or even Welsh people who they think are tourists.

Yanbu rude staff

What an awful outing!

I had a poor customer experience in a local cafe. I refused to step one foot back in there while it was under such terrible management. The business went downhill eventually (not surprising!) and years later was bought by someone else. Now I enjoy wonderful customer service and great quality food. The previous owners and managers are long forgotten and maybe still in a financial rut, who knows (they posted an angry message online how everyone and covid was to blame for their business going bust - they really had no clue it was them all along!).

So you think xenophobia towards all English people is fine because of what some English people did in the past? Xenophobic people always think they've got a good excuse for their prejudice. Doesn't make it ok.

When speaking to the child, not to each other. Why on earth can adults having a conversation that has nothing to do with the child need to be carried out in the child’s language? What if they’re having an argument, would you like you child to be included in that for linguistic sake?

Good idea.

Hopefully this hypothetical couple would not be arguing or having unsuitable conversations at a party where children are invited 😊

No I don’t think you overreacted at all! You were very restrained if anything. How rude and nasty of them.

I was in north wales /Anglesey for the first time this time last year and thought everyone was lovely. I had no idea there was an issue of some of them being weird to tourists - although of course maybe they were slagging us off behind our backs in Welsh 😂

For context I’m Scottish and my partner is English. I’m also a POC so don’t “look” Welsh (of course I could be Welsh but I doubt they’d assume I was).

As I remember it, they had been speaking English and switched as we came in - it felt like passive aggression at the time.
I am infinitely glad that Welsh is spoken. infinitely furious that it used to be banned in schools within living memory (well, mine). My ancestors probably had to fight to have the Bible read out in Welsh in church. I just don't like being blamed for something the Normans did several hundred years ago. I entirely sympathize with the problem but I didn't have anything to do with setting it up.

If they’re speaking in their own language about how Dave forgot the candles for the third year running then surely it would bypass the kids far more than if said in a language they could understand and not leave anyone feeling uncomfortable.

All she said was that the sauces were 20p but that we hadn't paid. This was to the couple sat behind us because they asked for some. She let them have it for free though, clearly because she knew them. Also, we didn't know that they weren't free as she never said otherwise we would have paid!

It really wasn't about the sauces though. It was the fact she spoke about us to another customer thinking we couldn't understand instead of just telling us we had to pay. Had she known we were welsh she wouldn't have spoken about us, certainly not infront of us anyway I'm sure...

Welsh people really don't do that 🤣 it's a myth. Honestly.

I've lived in North Wales for nearly 20 years. My Welsh is poor, and I'm brown. No one mistakes me for a Welsh person. In 20 years I have never ever experienced the mythical act of everyone switching to Welsh the minute I step into a pub, despite all of the tourists who claim to have experienced that.

What I have experienced in Welsh people carrying on their conversation which I cannot join, and feeling a bit awkward and left out. That is entirely my problem and the solution lies with me (dwi'n dysgu cymraeg)

There is no Dave. There are no candles to have been forgotten.

You haven’t answered the question. What did she say about you to the other customer?

This is what was rude. Talking about customers behind their back to other customers is plain rude and is worse if it's done in a different language assuming it's private. She could just have said it's 20p so you'll have to go to the till.

@KimberleyClark what are you talking about? I've literally just answered that...

What does it matter? Why are so bothered? You've clearly taken against the op

@MyrtleStrumpet exactly that. All she had to say was the "sauces cost extra, please pay at the till". Job done. Instead she told the other customers.

Now that's plain daft.

I got the impression that the woman was being really rude in a personal way about the OP. What she actually said doesn’t seem worth making a big fuss about.

Well then you can stop commenting /sniping then

It isn’t so much what was actually said as the rudeness of discussing someone disparagingly in front of them to another person.

@KimberleyClark if you think this is acceptable then I really hope that you don't work in customer service.

Was about to say the same.

Did they think you are English? Sadly there is a lot of racism in wales towards English people.