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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that DW could do ever such a little bit more around the house?

281 replies

Triathlete · 28/04/2008 22:12

I know how hard it is to look after an infant all day, and I'm really glad that I was able to take paternity leave and help in those early weeks.

And I'm happy to take over fully when I get in from work - bathe, feed and put DS (6.5 months) to bed, cook for us, wash up, make her a cup of tea and let her put her feet up.

And DW does do stuff in the house, but only what suits her and what she likes. She makes a great deal out of "tidying your wardrobe" for instance, but I've never asked her to do it.

The one thing that I would like her to do is the vacuuming. We have a dusty house - allotment, garden, walks in the country and so on. When I was living alone I did it in the morning before going to work. It's only a small house - ten minutes doing one room every day and every room gets done at least once a week, and the place is cleaner, fresher and healthier.

The other week I worked hard on a friend's car in exchange for the loan of an industrial carpet cleaner, then I spent Saturday cleaning all the carpets - they came up beautifully.

But she won't vacuum. And I refuse to do it at the weekend - I cook, iron cothes, clean windows, bake bread and fix the car, but I won't vacuum. If I start to do it again, it'll be at 7am before I go to work. She can deal with the woken up baby then.

And then today, when I had to go straight out again to the supermarket after getting back from work, I asked her whether there was anything ready to eat. "No, I couldn't think of anything". Well honestly, boiling 4 potatoes won't win any prizes, but it would have been more than acceptable to a hungry, tired husband with a busy week ahead. What makes it worse is that she was on the fricking internet when I came in.

I'm pissed off.

OP posts:
youknownothingofthecrunch · 29/04/2008 12:21

What Madamez said

SquonkTheBeerGuru · 29/04/2008 12:22

(I don't have carpets upstairs - so that's a hoovering job ticked off the list )

kayzisexpecting · 29/04/2008 12:24

We don't hoover upstairs. We only go up there to sleep so we see no point. Though DH did say about doing it last week.

PeachyHas4BoysAndLovesIt · 29/04/2008 12:27

we vacuum upstairs either before a house inspection, or last time was when i went into labour in caase i needed to be put to bed

Kif · 29/04/2008 12:30

Well, I work hard on housework - but hoovering never gets done. At various times, you can take your pick from ;

  • One of the kids is in a phase of being terrified by the hoover ( they've both gone through about a year of this)
  • Dd insists on helping
  • too many toys on the floor - and by the time you've cleared toys, it's time for another job
  • as soon as I've finished, my youngest snake wrestles the hoover trying to get it to make the noise (the screams until he's purple if he accidentally turn it on)
  • the mess is too wet/extreme for the hoover anyway (e.g. cooked rice)

God bless laminate floors

purpleduck · 29/04/2008 12:45

the op said that he cleaned the carpets and they "came up beautifully".

Do guys really say that?

Yep, a bit obsessed.

And I agreee with FRUIT. Sometimes I feel like if I have to do dishes/scrub toilets/hoover ONE MORE TIME, then i may put a gun to my head. Yes it needs doing, but if thats ALL mrs tiatheletes life is, I understand why she may not want to do it.

Also, cleaning wardrobes IS more satisfying. At least they STAY tidy for a little while.

purpleduck · 29/04/2008 12:45

the op said that he cleaned the carpets and they "came up beautifully".

Do guys really say that?

Yep, a bit obsessed.

And I agreee with FRUIT. Sometimes I feel like if I have to do dishes/scrub toilets/hoover ONE MORE TIME, then i may put a gun to my head. Yes it needs doing, but if thats ALL mrs tiatheletes life is, I understand why she may not want to do it.

Also, cleaning wardrobes IS more satisfying. At least they STAY tidy for a little while.

bohemianbint · 29/04/2008 12:54

I could never hoover when DS was little as it used to scare the crap out of him and he screamed with terror the whole time.

I still don't really do it now (but then we don't have a lot of carpet, thank god!)

scattyspice · 29/04/2008 13:00

Never ever let something as dull as housework cause friction in your family life.

That much i know.

Citronella · 29/04/2008 13:19

Mmm, meanwhile...
Triathlete seems to have disappeared
Troll?

TheHedgeWitch · 29/04/2008 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

VinegarTits · 29/04/2008 13:40

You sound like a bit of a control freak to me(if you are for real that is) my bet is you are just p*ssoff about the vaccuming because she is not doing as she is told. Why is it that you wont vaccum? yet you are prepared to doing everything else?

Does she force you to do all the other stuff and get pee'd off if you dont? or are you just obssessed with cleaning?

Seems like your trying to control what she should do around the house.

Take a chill pill.

foxythesnowfox · 29/04/2008 13:46

Perhaps she just doesn't give a shit and doesn't give a monkeys about his allotment, freshly baked bread, shirts etc. I can imagine if he's banging on 'its only 10 mins, I did it when I was on my own yada yada yada.

Perhaps she does the stuff he won't get around to, to leave him free to do the day-to-day.

Maybe she's up all night with the baby.

Maybe she's spending all day meeting the baby's needs.

Maybe she sees every single day as an enormous mountain to climb when just doing her teeth is a massive effort.

Maybe its him that is really feeling neglected, not the housework.

It doesn't matter really, he's not here so we aren't any the wiser.

I suggest he phones DW on the way back from work to see if there is any food in. That way you won't have to go out again.

pinkmook · 29/04/2008 14:07

Ha! Vinegar tits just spat my penguin over the screen laughing at your commment - how true

Cappuccino · 29/04/2008 14:13

I've just been thinking about this on the way back from work

I do lots of housework. I do most of it, because I work two mornings a week and dh works full time

But I can never vac -when the kids were tiny it was the only thing I couldn't do during nap time because it was too loud

when they get a bit older they crawl about or walk around the wires and trip up, or they turn the vac off when you are mid-vac, or want to 'help' and end up getting run over by the hoover or strangled in flex

also I don't know how many stairs you have but if you have a heavy vac it is a bugger dragging it up and down. And where do you put the baby? At 6 months it is not going to lay gurgling on a playmat happily

a single man however can hop out of bed, vac for 10 minutes, and be out of the house ta-da

NaughtyNigella · 29/04/2008 16:59

I think Mrs Triathlete discovered Mr Triathlete on mumsnet and has beaten him soundly with the hoover.
hope it hurt.

MrsMattie · 29/04/2008 17:01

Maybe she just does the very minimum to get by, because she hates housework, because, urm, it's fucking dull.

varicoseveined · 29/04/2008 17:07

Wow I was surprised by some of the vitriol about the OP's DW on here. Like others have said, my DD was very demanding at 6 months, it's only now that she's 13 months that I can do a bit more around the house. She used to scream whenever I put her down and was very clingy at times. Not to mention hen she started teething I (not DH) was getting up several times at night. Not all babies are a doddle to look after!

IMO and IME many people aren't prepared for just how much life will change when children come into the equation.

Triathlete, I hope you and your DW have had a nice chat about this and can come to an amicable solution. In my case my DH felt I wasn't doing as much as he was and that I was using my baby as an excuse. After the initial rows about this we were able to calmly explain to each other who was actually doing what, and work out a compromise that worked for us. Good luck

DarthVader · 29/04/2008 17:10

Write down all the tasks for the week with time estimates and who does what.

Then it will be clearer to both of you what the fair solution is.

lardylumps · 29/04/2008 17:16

I couldn't hoover when my dd was this little. I did however do it when dp came in from work and took over with dd. Now I have no excuse as she doesn't bat an eyelid when I turn it on. Shame....

kayzisexpecting · 29/04/2008 17:20

DS covers his ears and screams his head of. He absolutely hates the hoover. Unless he is on the floor with the hoover and then he just tries to sit on it.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 29/04/2008 17:31

I only hoover once a week and I dust when I start been embarrassed by how thick it is - and that takes a long time. I'm lazy, I admit it. I'm not going to change and I have higher priorities in my life than housework. As long as the house is clean enough to not be a health hazard I'm really not bothered. Life is too short.

foxythesnowfox · 29/04/2008 18:58

By dusting and hoovering you are unsettling the dust and dustmites into a flurry, which could be detrimental to the LOs health, so far better to leave it undisturbed. Your DW is obviously only thinking of what is best for your baby.

As your child gets older, encourage them to write their name in it, and hey presto, it becomes a valuable tool in your childs education.

Clary · 29/04/2008 21:15

hmm madamez cannot agree about hoovering.

Not if you've got carpets you like anyway. The way to keep them looking nice is to hoover often I'm afraid (two different carpet men have told me this).

It's tru as well.

Mind you everyone has laminate floors these days so it's prob not an issue

I sympathise with all you mums of hoover-haters - I can turn on the light and hoover in the bedrooms after mine are asleep.

mybabysinthegarden · 30/04/2008 19:28