to think that DW could do ever such a little bit more around the house?

[Triathlete]

I know how hard it is to look after an infant all day, and I'm really glad that I was able to take paternity leave and help in those early weeks.

And I'm happy to take over fully when I get in from work - bathe, feed and put DS (6.5 months) to bed, cook for us, wash up, make her a cup of tea and let her put her feet up.

And DW does do stuff in the house, but only what suits her and what she likes. She makes a great deal out of "tidying your wardrobe" for instance, but I've never asked her to do it.

The one thing that I would like her to do is the vacuuming. We have a dusty house - allotment, garden, walks in the country and so on. When I was living alone I did it in the morning before going to work. It's only a small house - ten minutes doing one room every day and every room gets done at least once a week, and the place is cleaner, fresher and healthier.

The other week I worked hard on a friend's car in exchange for the loan of an industrial carpet cleaner, then I spent Saturday cleaning all the carpets - they came up beautifully.

But she won't vacuum. And I refuse to do it at the weekend - I cook, iron cothes, clean windows, bake bread and fix the car, but I won't vacuum. If I start to do it again, it'll be at 7am before I go to work. She can deal with the woken up baby then.

And then today, when I had to go straight out again to the supermarket after getting back from work, I asked her whether there was anything ready to eat. "No, I couldn't think of anything". Well honestly, boiling 4 potatoes won't win any prizes, but it would have been more than acceptable to a hungry, tired husband with a busy week ahead. What makes it worse is that she was on the fricking internet when I came in.

I'm pissed off.

I remember when I had my first one, DH used to come home and do he housework, washing, cooking etc because I was so wrapped up in my little one.
I can't see what the wife is doing wrong.

To those who say it's easy with a 6 month old, I'd heartily disagree given the evidence of our DS. He would not be left in a play pen, would only nap on the move in the pram (our fault and life is so much easier now he will nap in the cot) and hoovering would have been impossible.

When I went back to work after paternity leave I came home and couldn't understand the utter carnage. It only took one day looking after him alone for me to work out that going out to work was the easier option. You get to talk to adults, have a lunch break, space to think without being shouted at by a baby. You do miss out on a lot though.

My suggestion? Ask her to hoover the house on Saturdays whie you take DS for a walk. I do think it's reasonable for you to expect food to be in the house at least, but not 'your tea on table'. Presumably she's taking him out during the day and could pick food up so just have the tedious 'what shall we have for dinner' conversation before you leave for work, or during the day.

The OP is not a troll btw, he posts here quite often, and not just to wind people up. Maybe he just needed a good old rant. Why not? You lot do it all the time!

so, OP not been back then

Get a cleaner. Eat dry cornflakes if you have to, but get a cleaner.

Perhaps she won't do it because he tells her to.

If my DP told me to do the hoovering, he'd get the hoover where the sun doesn't shine.

But he is slovenly, so he pays the cleaner. Thats his contibution to the housework.

My 9 mo has only just started sleeping through. Maybe she's knackered. Maybe she's struggling. Is there family or friends to help?

Maybe the OP is just taking the piss. Don't ask for advice and not come back. I think its really rather rude.

Sorry, but I would be over joyed if my DH did that amount of housework after being at work all day. I always have to ask for anything to be done. I can mange to hoover, everyday, downstairs (we have 2 cats), and upstairs once a week. It takes 10 mins to run a hoover over the floors.
I would say to OP, talk to her and explain why it matters so much to you. Maybe you could swap jobs in the house, maybe suggest she does the shopping.
Its hard being a new mum, especially with your first, routines can be hard to manage.
HTH

Fair enough then dadada.

Agree with your post too.

lisad123 - but what does he do? He says he does the cooking but then complains she didnt do the cooking (eh ) and he says he does a load of things that really realistically DONT NEED DOING in the first 6 months of a baby's life - cleaning windows/washing carpets/ baking bread - priorities they are not!

Hey Triathlete, I was going to post as you are getting a lot of
pointers here anyway but the troll accusations did make me chuckle.
Some people on MN really struggle with the 'search for messages' facility.

Hope you come back and tell us a bit more.

All I can advise is: stop trying to be a Domestic Adonis.

In the first 12-18 months there are only two real priorities,
one is your lo and the other your missus.
As long as they are both happy, the Dad is happy, non?

I can only speculate but I wonder whether you feel resentful
because you seem to be working round the clock and she is (in your eyes) not pulling her weight.
Mate, she is! She is looking after a 6 month old baby!!

Prioritise, do less, enjoy yourself a bit more!

DaddyJ you sound lovely

Fair enough.

Does HE feel neglected, or is it just about the housework?

notjustmum the op does not say he does all the shopping cooking etc he carefully tells everyone of all the non essential domestic tasks he does that make him sound like he's doing loads but on closer consideration are actually peripheral tasks that dont need doing in the first 6 months of a baby's life.

and I repeat - plenty of women have come on here and criticised her, called her lazy etc but when you actually examine the facts rather than react to the emotinal tone of the OP he's really complaning about nothing

And there are a lot of harsh critics of other women on here

What does your wife do whilst you are feeding, bathing and putting your baby to bed, and then cooking a meal etc????

No matter how hard her day may have been with the baby there is no excuse for her sitting on her arse for the next 2 hours whilst you do all that!

My DH always bathed and put DH to be (still does and she is 4) but I would then tidy up and cook dinner for us both..

THEN, we would both sit down and relax....

TMMJ - my thoughts exactly - and whilst he bread baking "oh ffs just buy some from co-op and let me have a bath in peace" or some such thought. what a sisterhood there is on here

Oh come on this is someone taking the piss - it has to be - im guessing its a regular who was hoping we would kick off and did it for a laugh

artfulardvark not sure if its a pisstake but prob not since Ive seen the OP post elsewhere

He has said he is happy to take over the care of the baby, make a tea and let her put her feet up, which is fab.
I think asking her to run a hoover over the house is fair enough TBH. I agree that if a woman put in here a simular post we would all be agreeing that her hubby was a selfish lazy sod and she needs to bash him over the head with a pan

lisad123 - but what does he do? He says he does the cooking but then complains she didnt do the cooking (eh ) and he says he does a load of things that really realistically DONT NEED DOING in the first 6 months of a baby's life - cleaning windows/washing carpets/ baking bread - priorities they are not! saying he will make tea but then complaining when she doesnt do it?

Solution:

ditch baking bread and vacuum instead, DW gets the job of popping out (with baby in the buggy so cared for and hopefully content) to purchase bread from the local bakers.

solved!

Next please......

He said "And I'm happy to take over fully when I get in from work - bathe, feed and put DS (6.5 months) to bed, cook for us, wash up, make her a cup of tea and let her put her feet up."

but did say that he had got to go to the supermarket and asked if she had done any tea, not that he thinks she always do it.

"I cook, iron cothes, clean windows, bake bread and fix the car"

Ok so windows might not need cleaning but he does she they live in dusty house, so fair enough.
His standards and prioties might be a little off, but sorry asking someone to run a hoover over the floors isnt asking much.
If all I had to do was hoover my house then I would but I have so much more to do.

Hooray for Daddy J.
Personally, I wonder if the OP hasn't got domestic standards that are a little too high for family life.
How much of it is him imposing his housework priorities on his DW and expecting her to abide by them, rather than allowing her to set her own priorities.

This is a pisstake. "What makes it worse is that she was on the fricking internet when I came in. " this gives it away.