AIBU to think it’s too soon to for the school to be diagnosis autism

[CourageTrouble]

I am writing this on behalf of my friend ( who knows ) I have a daughter with SEN needs EHCP etc but even I am struggling to understand exactly what’s going on with the school and friends DS.
We will call him George.

George is 4, summer born ( end of August ) started primary school September, previously went to private nursery from 9-6 4 days a week due to work commitments.
he was fine in nursery, no issues raised. Performed in the graduation assembly fine etc ( relevant later on ) development checks were all normal during toddler years etc

with in the first week of starting school mum was called in because they said he wasn’t where the curriculum needed him to be and didn’t have focus.
he struggled to settle in the mornings, they asked her to drop him off late and pick him up early ( 15 minutes either way )
by the end of the second week they told her that they were removing him from class and putting him in with the nursery kids and then sent her leaflets via email about parenting and autism.
they then called her in a few times to discuss putting him on the Sen register.
last week they called her in to tell her that he wasn’t going to be included in the nativity plays and to keep him at home for the 2 days as he will get nothing from it and won’t conform and other parents will be there.
today they have phoned her to say that they can no longer have him in the afternoons and can only attend the morning.

his only been at school 11 weeks and she is beside her self not understanding what’s going wrong.
when she asks they say his too far behind the curriculum and doesn’t focus.
they talk about him like he 100 percent had autism - she doesn’t mind of course if he does but she is worried that they have come to this conclusion too fast without giving him a chance to settle.

Two separate issues. He may be showing SEN which often comes to the forefront in primary. ADHD in particular often shows itself by year 1/2 as the more ridged expectations of the classroom has an adverse effect on an ND child.

However, I had a very similar experience to this with my eldest school, and I would say to your friend to please transfer him elsewhere. My kids dad refused to agree as was heel digging about needing settling in time, by the time he saw just how badly the school could manage SEN, he was too settled to want to move. Also had them try the shortened school day BS yet always refuse SEN meetings so we can triangulate the best support methods. It’s been an utterly exhausting few years that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Long story short, better to engage with sen support and have it lessen if it’s truly not needed, but do it with a school with strong SEN support and understanding.

If she is in England or Scotland, as frustrating as this may be for her, she is in a position thousands battle to be in. If they are taking it as seriously as wooded in op chances are they are reaching out to a multitude of professionals to compose a plan. But she needs to go in and figure out if this is the case

Is this a state primary? This seems really extreme and very unusual as lots of children must be like this in reception. Unless thus child is massively dysregulated and it's hugely disruptive or unsafe.

I'm usually very willing to give schools the benefit of the doubt but I'm pretty sure the nativity thing is if not illegal is at least very much against best practice.

It is also very unusual to move a child down a year. Children should be met where they are especially in the early years.

I would be asking for a lot of clarification if I was your friend.

My birthday is 30th August and I also have a DD with ASD (which was pointed out to me when she was only in nursery) so I can really relate to this. ASD aside however, speaking as a late summer born child, I ended up losing a lot of my education thanks to my parents' refusal to hold me back a year. It didn't become a big problem until high school but I absolutely, categorically shouldn't have started school until the year after.
Anyway, I would suggest to your friend that she looks into if it's possible to defer his start until next September as they don't have to legally be in education until they're 5 anyway.
Trust me, it will help him so, so much. Sounds like he's not ready.
Re: Autism, deferring him will give your friend time to determine for herself whether she believes there's any sign of difficulties, which there very well may not be.
However if there is, not only will this allow time for all the many appointments involved in that process before you even get onto the waiting list for assessments, but if your friend doesn't defer and he is Autistic (if) then oh boy will he struggle at school if he's not ready AND Autistic.
Best of luck. Pm me if you'd like

If it really was just this, the school would be saying 4 or 5 children in every reception class were SEN. Every year. That's frankly just implausible.

They've singled this child out FOR A REASON however you cut it.

Whether that's autism remains to be seen but he clearly needs extra help at the moment.

Trying to force him out of the school or reduce his hours is something completely separate and a different point.

There must be something they are identifying as not simply being immature compared to the other children.

Being in denial of this, won't help, even if there is an issue with how the school are handling it and even if he's not ultimately diagnosed as autistic.

Engage. Find out what's really going on and get the appropriate support.

For fun? No. Because he’s harder work than they like so are refusing to have him in school? Yes. Absolutely,

See my post above.

There's no way he'll be the only one in a class of thirty.

All these things are fixable, but needs more time in school not less.

Speak to head of eyfs, then head teacher, then governors.

If his needs are so great that they think they have to illegally exclude the school should be applying for an EHCP.

I'd love state school to be more inclusive of SEND and some schools can do this. But my DC are only children for a short time and in a geographical area.

DC1 was harmed by his experience - not being diagnosed and able to access specialist education until too late. He is now unlikely to ever work or live independently. This has impacted on me. I can't work and am his full time carer. Maybe it would have always played out like this but maybe it's due to failure in early intervention?

DS2 had a different experience due to me. I saw which way the wind was blowing. They only called in the EP because they thought the fact he struggled with speech would reveal low IQ but when it revealed 'genius' levels said it was irrelevant.

I got an ECHP and then homeschooled with internet school back up funded by the LA from secondary. Took a tribunal and lawyers. But he is now doing so masters degree in mechanical engineering and is now likely to work and live independently.

The best thing for my mental health was not being embroiled in a constant battle with 'school'. Ime they will dig their heels in to deny responsibility. They will blame your child. They will blame you. They will make malicious referrals to SS.

I could have stayed and fought but at what cost to myself and my son?

We need politicians with no skin in the game to fight this battle.

This is what I have said - without going in to huge amounts of details

he wasn’t an only child for very long, he was born during Covid and in lockdowns, then he had a baby sibling who was born early and in the nicu and came home with additional needs and then went back in at 1 years old for 7 months and came gone with even more needs and he was with family members for slot of it as she was they were so poorly. She’s an incredible parent and she does her ultimate best for the children but she does recognise it hasn’t been optimal in terms of things he has been through ( no fault of her own )
they are fully aware of the situation.