to think it isn't 'attention-seeking' not to drink tea or coffee?

[ruethewhirl]

I've just had this ridiculous accusation levelled at me by an acquaintance (note I didn't say friend). 'But isn't it all just a bit attention-seeking really?' 😬

No. I just don't drink them because I don't like them. Never have. Where's the attention-seeking in that?! I don't even mention it unless it becomes directly relevant i.e. someone offers me a tea or coffee. OK, if I went on about it, or suggested others should follow suit, or got funny when people can't offer me anything to drink/expected hosts to get alternative drinks in for me (not that I've ever been to hers, so maybe she's making assumptions based on other people she's known)... but I don't. I have noticed people sometimes get a bit stressed about this if I'm at their house and they haven't anything else to offer me, but I'm genuinely fine with a glass of water, or a hot chocolate if they have it in, but I'd never expect them to get it specially.

She followed it up with 'Yes, but it's nice to be able to offer your guests a hot drink, isn't it' so maybe she's assuming I don't do that myself when hosting - she's never been to my place - but of course I do! Just because I don't drink something myself doesn't mean I'm not going to make it for other people.

I dunno, I'm not super worked up about it, more curious and mildly irked. It's not the first time people have criticised me for not drinking tea or coffee (I was once called 'childish' over it), and it really baffles me why they would even care. AIBU to think this is just odd and narrow-minded?? 🤔

@MaryTwerps I mean you're not far off, I pretty much exist on robinsons orange squash, no other brand is acceptable. Occasionally I have a lipton peach ice tea or a Dr Pepper.
Funnily enough I'm not a particularly fussy eater at all, just drinker. I've made it this long, I'm sure I'll survive.

Same with alcohol

I actively dislike tea. I find it yucky. I'm not going to force myself to drink something I find unpalatable just to satisfy your peculiar need for archaic rituals.

Yes! When I was young I never drank alcohol and was constantly being judged for it. I thought that sort of thing didn't happen anymore.

The whole of America rarely has butter on their sandwich

Performative tea refusal is when someone will only drink the finest tea from shoots picked by baboons under a gibbous moon & fertilised by unicorn piss, only sold at Harrods on the fifth Thursday with an R in the month, and couldn’t possibly accept a bag of Typhoo in a mug.

Not liking tea or coffee is not attention seeking or performative ffs. I always have a good stock of weird fruit & herb teas to offer, but friends or visitors who don’t like any hot drinks will be offered squashes or water. It’s no biggie & certainly not something that’s an inconvenience.

I always have tea, coffee (&decaf) as well as Ovaltine & Hot Chocolate, and could probably whip up a glass of Strawberry Nesquik if I look hard enough (my children are all adults, but DH had facial surgery in the summer & lounged in his Dressing Gown of Doom drinking Nurishments & Milkshakes for a week).

I drink a metric fuckton of tea (I buy Tetley in bulk from Costco ffs) but I wouldn’t tut & scrunch up my face like a cat’s bum if someone doesn’t want to join me for a brew.

Some people really have too much time on their hands if they think the refusal of a hot drink equates to some kind of attention seeking behaviour.

I think I must be American. I don’t like tea (or coffee) I don’t like butter and I use my cutlery in the wrong hands 😅

I must be a massive attention seeker because I don’t drink tea, coffee or alcohol!

Such a weird response from your friend, ignore her.

“The truth” it’s not a fucking interrogation, why do you think anyone else would give a fuck if you drink coffee or not!
Yeah it would be so worrying to be asked a second time, they might be devastated to find out, like their life depends on it, they might even call in the coffee police.

I'm allergic to caffeine.

If someone thinks my polite 'no thankyou' is attention seeking they should hang around and wait to see what happens if I say yes 🤣

Why is everyone so hung up on made up middle class convention on Mumsnet? Don't most people just let other people do their own thing?

YABVVU.

The only acceptable squash is Robinson's peach squash, which is quite honestly a delight to drink. You need to up your squash game.

I don't like the taste of tea or coffee, although I could force down some tea in an etiquette emergency. But when you've got a hot drink it's so hard to judge the right time to drink it. If you drink right away you scald your fucking mouth, and if you wait too long then it's tepid and (even more) revolting.

There's about a nanosecond in the middle somewhere when the hot drink is exactly the right temperature to drink.

When I make myself a drink, it's because I want to have a drink NOW. Not in about 11.346 minutes time.

Hot drinks are just a nuisance. As well as largely tasting disgusting too. I have tried very hard to like hot drinks, and have wasted infinite amounts of cash on flavoured teas and coffees over the years which all taste of either nothing or just like tea and coffee. Which, as I've already established, taste vile.

As for the comments about not having a hot drink being socially awkward, I'm autistic so pretty much every situation is socially awkward. I'll just add it to my (long) list of social faux pas 😂

I don’t drink tea or coffee and when people
offer, I always feel slightly embarrassed to say no because it feels impolite.
My dm said I’d like tea and coffee when I grew up-I guess I’m still haven’t grow up!

assume to drink tea with milk
have left many cups on friend table this has been
going on for years.i only drink tea honey or /and lemon
ice tea is fine not enough caffiene to make a difference but
coffee before noon and do not do instant at all

My favourite is Robinson fruit and barley summer fruit

Fruit teas are really sly, they smell delicious and taste of boiling-hot nothing!!

Can I just say that when I was at guide camp and I couldn't drink hot chocolate or tea I was given hot ribena at campfire. It was coveted then tried by many and was the drink of choice at the next camp! My allergy to caffeine changed guiding history!

What does your friend think of members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints? That's a whole heap of people who don't drink tea or coffee for religious reasons. Are they attention seeking?

Imo they need at least 3 bags and a 4 minute steep

@Fizbosshoes Depends on the brand, some are more flavourful than others, but I always leave the tea bag in until I've finished, that way it tastes nice.
@godmum56 See above. 😊

She's a weirdo. I say this as someone who loves tea!
What a bizarre thing to say. Why does she even care so much what you do or don't drink?!
Yes it might be unusual I suppose as most people drink one or the other but it's hardly attention seeking ffs 😕😂

Summer fruit barley is an acceptable alternative to peach.

They used to do strawberry and kiwi which I mixed with the peach squash to create a glass of unbelievable deliciousness. Alas, no more. Sad times.

And yes, exactly that with fruit tea! They sucker you in by smelling wonderfully fresh and fruity but in the cup, utterly tasteless. I may as well just waft a raspberry above my cup for all the flavour fruit teas provide.

I have tried using multiple bags, leaving the bag in and drinking around it....nothing. Hot water flavour and nothing else.

I am particularly annoyed about fruit teas as they promise so much and get my senses all excited with tantalising aromas but deliver disappointment in a cup. Outrageous imo.

It's like she's offended and blaming you for taking away the opportunity to be a good host or something.

t's very odd, like everyone has to be the same and do the same, otherwise they feel threatened.

Haha good point. If she says it again I might be tempted to ask her 😄

My parents said the same. Wrong, so wrong 😄They didn't push me to drink it, but my MIL has actually gone so far as to say they should have 'trained' me to like tea and coffee at a young age. Mind you, this is someone who proudly proclaims that she has 'made herself like everything' food-wise. Everything?! I've always called BS on that, it's just not possible.

No I’m a Londoner! I was practically weaned on tea, we drank gallons in our house, but I went suddenly and completely off it in my late teens (especially with milk - bleeurgh!)

But coffee, mmm coffee, lovely coffee, the only bright spot in a morning….

Wow. It's not life or death. No need to swear and shout. Perhaps you've had too much caffeine?

I would see nothing wrong with a friend telling me they don't drink tea or coffee. I'd get something else in for the next time they visit.