to think it isn't 'attention-seeking' not to drink tea or coffee?

[ruethewhirl]

I've just had this ridiculous accusation levelled at me by an acquaintance (note I didn't say friend). 'But isn't it all just a bit attention-seeking really?' 😬

No. I just don't drink them because I don't like them. Never have. Where's the attention-seeking in that?! I don't even mention it unless it becomes directly relevant i.e. someone offers me a tea or coffee. OK, if I went on about it, or suggested others should follow suit, or got funny when people can't offer me anything to drink/expected hosts to get alternative drinks in for me (not that I've ever been to hers, so maybe she's making assumptions based on other people she's known)... but I don't. I have noticed people sometimes get a bit stressed about this if I'm at their house and they haven't anything else to offer me, but I'm genuinely fine with a glass of water, or a hot chocolate if they have it in, but I'd never expect them to get it specially.

She followed it up with 'Yes, but it's nice to be able to offer your guests a hot drink, isn't it' so maybe she's assuming I don't do that myself when hosting - she's never been to my place - but of course I do! Just because I don't drink something myself doesn't mean I'm not going to make it for other people.

I dunno, I'm not super worked up about it, more curious and mildly irked. It's not the first time people have criticised me for not drinking tea or coffee (I was once called 'childish' over it), and it really baffles me why they would even care. AIBU to think this is just odd and narrow-minded?? 🤔

so are tea and coffee

I live outside the UK and I hate tea and coffee. Whenever I'm ask I say no thanks...then comes the but your British??? People are generally horrified.... and always ask what do you drink???? Its annoying.

Rubbish! I've tried both numerous times as an adult, just in case I could manage one of them (easier in social situations with people who can't cope).
I still hate them!

I know people who don’t drink tea or coffee/only drink particular tea or coffee/only drink them in a certain time of the day. Who cares? I drink tea and coffee but there are other things I don’t do. We all are different.
Your friend was very rude if she wanted a cuppa herself she should have asked: Do you mind ? And make herself tea or coffee. It wouldn’t affect your conversation in the slightest unless she would be sulking about this.

Your friend is weird.

I don't drink tea or coffee, the smell has made me queasy ever since I was a child. I always offer to make one for friends who pop round (although suspect I might be a bit shit at it) but there's no chance I would accept a cup just to 'fit in'.

I honestly thought (hoped) the whole tea and coffee thing was generational and dying out a bit. The two younger women I work with always bring their water bottle to the office, whereas the three older women constantly have the kettle on.

This is what I was going to ask. OP are you any good at making tea for people. I don't think it's attention seeking but it is slightly annoying and I just wonder what happened in a person's life to lead to this.

I don't drink tea or coffee anymore either. After reading this thread, I now feel very anxious about the fact that I often explain why (it really exacerbated my anxiety). I don't think I'm being performative or attention seeking, I just feel the need to explain it because of the way they react when I decline their offer!

Us non-tea/coffee drinkers are definitely reacted to strangely.

Speaking as a coffee fiend, YANBU. If you don’t like it don’t accept it.

I don't get why people are so pressed over this. I hate coffee, and I drink tea maybe 3 times a year. I pretty much exclusively drink water, and a 500ml bottle of Pepsi Max at night.

I don't expect others to buy me anything special. I'm happy with water. I'm just not a hot drink person!

How weird. I don't drink tea or coffee for religious reasons. I'm not attention seeking

The first would never work in Ireland.
I'm alright would lead to
Ah go on. It's no bother I'm making one anyway. Are you sure now and so on leading to comments after you'd gone
Sure that one wouldn't even accept a cup of tea off ya.
So letting them know that you don't drink tea or coffee would excuse you

I don’t drink either tea or coffee, I don’t like the smell and people seem to be reliant on it. I will say I don’t drink it as often it’s people at work and I don’t want them to feel they have to ask everytime.

If someone offers and the person just say “no thanks” that’s ok, but if the non coffee drinker when asked says “no thank I don’t drink them” then that is definitely attention seeking, because it’s pulling someone in to ask why not.

She isn't your friend. She's being a bit of a bitch. Today she's criticising you for not drinking tea and tomorrow it will be for something else. She's jealous of you. Ditch her.

(as usual, I haven't rtft, so I might have missed some info).

I honestly thought (hoped) the whole tea and coffee thing was generational and dying out a bit. The two younger women I work with always bring their water bottle to the office, whereas the three older women constantly have the kettle on.

Dying out! This country was built on tea. Just because todays generation of wetwipes cant go anywhere without a water bottle glued to their hand doesnt mean centuries of teadrinking will be undone.

Really? I think it's important to tell the truth so that they don't ask you about the tea and coffee again and offer you something else.

I object to young people being called wet wipes - I am ancient and adore tea! However, I am glad the younger women drink water - they are going to have lovely skin and it is really good for them.

🤣🤣 im going to assume this is tongue in cheek, and yes I love squirty cream in my (very occassional) hot chocolate but I'm not fussed about marshmallows .

I offer other people tea or coffee if they come to my house, one of my best friends brings her own tea bag (it might be earl grey, I can't remember) and I don't take offence at that, and hopefully no one takes offence if I don't want a tea or coffee!

How ridiculous….. I hate the taste of tea, coffee, beer, red wine, whisky, brandy, mango, parsnip & celery…..

if you don’t like it, you don’t like it.
people can choose to avoid things, or avoid them because they dislike the taste…..
food, drink….. what does it matter…

I agree. It's really weird that some people see it as attention seeking. I don't get it.

What complete and utter twaddle!

👀 Did someone call?

You can like both and drink both. Not all young people are wet wipes, just those who can't go anywhere without a bottle of water.

Or just tell people you do not want something?
I offer my guests hot drinks, alcohol and soft drinks.
I would never dream of being offended by someone asking for a plain glass of water.