To ask if people today don’t agree with ivf?!

[Yaerry]

or am I just naive? Watched the new documentary about Jean Purdy and I’m surprised there was so much push back at the time. It’s made me wonder if one day surrogacy will be more accepted? I thought ivf was just a standard thing now that wasn’t controversial.

I was convinced that I would never have a child as had unprotected sex for 9 years (since I was married at 22) so it wasn't like I was getting more fertile. But I fell pregnant last month miraculously just after being referred to a fertility clinic. This happens to quite a few women.

I think actually statistically while many people do struggle the number of women who never manage (up to the age of 45) is quite small as many women conceive naturally even after failed ivf. But their pain is still very real, so I dunno how many get over it.

I thought I was over the idea of children but finding out I was pregnant, I am so happy. If amything happens to this pregnancy, I will pursue ivf because it made me realize I really want to be a mother at all cost.

i was responding to a post where someone implied that mental health is more important than fertility treatment. And as someone who has been through multiple rounds of failed ivf, a miscarriage, and a number of fertility related health issues - the thought of possibly never having a child is life altering for me and is the cause for my mental health issues and at this stage in my life I do not see myself ‘getting over’, my point is fertility treatment snd mental health cannot be compared as seperate issues and can very much be interlinked.

Sorry, this is not correct. It is the issue with destroying what would be considered already created life. Indeed, it could be argued that anyone who has an issue with abortion based on life beginning at the moment of conception should have also an issue with IVF given that there will be a destruction of created life in the event that viable embryos are destroyed.

I assume this was directed at my post?

No you can’t stop people conceiving naturally but most pregnancies are planned. My point was around the contradiction in using NHS maternity services without a second thought then object to NHS money treating someone’s infertility (which is a medical issue).

Every week on mumsnet there is some sort of post about ‘should I have a third child’? I have never seen the cost to the NHS raised as an issue. And far more people will have a second or third child than need IVF.

The issue here that nobody would understand unless they’d been through it is infertility causes mental health problems for many people. It’s like torture. There’s a great quote from Elizabeth day that I hope I’m not misquoting ‘infertility became the canvas that every experience was painted onto’. You can become completely paralysed by day to day life by it . It absolutely should be covered on the NHS for that, and many other reasons

I was convinced that I would never have a child as had unprotected sex for 9 years (since I was married at 22) so it wasn't like I was getting more fertile. But I fell pregnant last month miraculously just after being referred to a fertility clinic. This happens to quite a few women.

Congratulations,lovely news.

Thank you. Elizabeth Day articulates the feelings around infertility so well.

Way to gaslight women. I felt that way. Now I have my baby and I’m a wonderful parent. How dare you

@Cantalever there is no guarantee of viability of an embryo. Any implanted embryo could fail just as easily as one fertilized in the womb.

@MinPinSins
Like I said the statistics are out of date.

I can imagine you are ❤️ a such wanted baby. I’m sorry we have to read such ignorance on these forums,

@FeralWoman
Wind your neck in!

This!

May I also add that it's not uncommon for the harshest comments to come from those who have experienced pregnancy loss, infertility etc.
The comments say more about them that those they direct their comments to. I suspect it's rooted in the trauma of loss and that for many women it's something they've never been able to recover from.

But many don't and describe feeling an emptiness despite being fulfilled otherwise.

I am surrounded by a wonderful community of the kindest souls who have been through/are going through infertility and pregnancy loss, none of them make harsh comments, including myself. Don’t excuse the behaviour.

Mumtobabyhavoc: May I also add that it's not uncommon for the harshest comments to come from those who have experienced pregnancy loss, infertility etc.
The comments say more about them that those they direct their comments to. I suspect it's rooted in the trauma of loss and that for many women it's something they've never been able to recover from.
........
I'm sure you are to something there. My parents were infertile (I was adopted), IVF and surrogacy wasn't a thing when I was growing up but one thing I did notice, often, was how scathing she would be about women who became pregnant. She'd say really nasty things about them, couldn't just let it pass, it was as if she couldn't stop herself. I used to think that she was probably jealous. She was fine with babies, it was the pregnancy that seemed to offend her; not mine, she was pleased when I was pregnant, excited, but I suppose that was different, I was her daughter and she was going to be a grandmother.

People are so weird.

Thank you, I appreciate your supportive comment. However, I don’t desperately want a child; I just think it would be nice. I’m doing ivf because my DH says he doesn’t want us to regret not trying when we’re in our 60s (and he’s paying for the ivf). The miscarriage has been awful but I don’t think actually living a childless life is awful.

I have never craved being pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding or having a biological child. If my two cycles of private ivf don’t work then I really don’t think I’ll have a lifetime of trauma. I just wanted to offer that perspective; some people with fertility problems can adapt perfectly well to a childless life. I don’t know why it’s sold to people that children are essential.

I'm not. Sorry it came across that way.

@Butterfly8719 thank you. It’s absolutely that, she is the girl of my dreams and I count my lucky stars for her every single day. I scrolled through to read your earlier posts, I’m so sorry for everything you have been through and continue to go through, whilst I’m not there now I remember the pain very well and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I hope the holiday period is as kind to you as it can be and 2025 brings peace whichever way it plays out ❤️

Exactly far more embryos don't implant than do. I guess you could say that's the nature part of it.
I had 2 then 2 from my frozen stash. I got one crazy child out of the four.

I very occasionally think about two other pregnancies that showed positive and lost a day or two later.

I never think about those other 3 embryos or the 3 that went to research. The odds of any of those three becoming live births was so remote.

I wish you al, the best with your IVF.

As I said I had 10 years of IVF without success and I never thought I would find the peace and contentment that I have now. I certainly did feel suicidal at times, especially when taking Clomid, but that drug is known for that (Chlomid crazies). I only want to help other women who may be facing life without children to see that it needn’t be bleak. We are fed a narrative that if you want children and can’t have them you will be miserable for the rest of our lives.

As for my comment about people who would kill themselves if they couldn’t have a baby it came from a place of concern. I am sorry it caused distress.

I was adopted and my birth mother didn't even look at me. After having my kids I don't know how she's got through her life knowing this

Exactly. There are a lot of different experiences out there. We couldn't have children naturally. We didn't have IVF because of the possibility of discarded embryos. We did adopt. He has brought his own trauma into our lives, but we are certainly not traumatised by failing to have a biological child.

@Feliciacat Respectfully:
I don't think it is sold to people that children are essential. I'm interested in your perception though. Are you and your dh on the same page? Going through fertility treatment, and mc, are pretty big for the chance at a baby that would just be "nice to have." Are you really up for it or just going along with it?
For me, and I am only speaking for myself, my dc are not "nice to have." They are utterly fulfilling. I can't imagine my life without them. Nice to have suggests a certain distance, a detachment, and children will know it.