Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

yes you’re right, I’m going to have to shut it down and be firm. I think I could’ve handled it better if it was just coming from 1 person but because it’s coming from both sides of the family (including my grandparents) it’s getting to be a bit much and I’m feeling attacked. I am just going to refuse to discuss it further

Read my reply again. 🫣

Yes, you are unusual though. People celebrating Xmas and not Eid are also raising their kids according to their beliefs.
But its only veggies who are controlling.

I know right its ridiculous. My son has a healthy meat/veggie diet. Hardly eat processed meats. When he does its in moderation

Raising your child veggie would have an impact on your life as you have to police it too. I don't know if she nagged him or not. It might have been something he didn't need to be convinced over because he thinks it isn't a big deal to go with her preference. Just like my partner is a no shoes in the house guy and I'm not bothered. I just go with his rule and police it. He goes my way on other things.

You are absolutely within your rights to raise your child vegetarian but I would sincerely think hard about whether it's worth burning bridges with family over.
As you've said, your husband occasionally eats a bit of fish or meat. If he is eating some, it might be worth letting your son try it at the same time. Sooner rather than later and in a more controlled way. The few children who were raised vegetarian I have encountered find meat fascinating once they have free access to it outside of parental control and go the other way, ending up eating more meat than anything else.

Have you actually listened to their cncerns and had a proper discussion?
You don't owe them it but equally is this the hill you want to die on?

It's important to at least give the baby yo try, mainly to check for allergies and intolerances. From there, it's your choice not to feed them meat. :) my opinion. Your family is not your child parents so they can give opinions but ultimately it's your decision.

What we wouldn't do is pretend that I've always been a no shoes in the house person or would be in another relationship.

Our attitude towards religion is the same by the way - we are a Christian and Muslim couple but neither is forced on our children.

Of course we are totally open about it and will answer any questions they have. They have been inside churches and mosques as well as other places of worship etc, but it well be for them to decide which path to follow (if any) when they are old enough to decide for themselves

No, anyone indoctrinating a child into their own belief system is exerting control.
Teach about, don't force into.

There are plenty of ready to eat non-vegetarian meals available too.

Meals cooked at home are better. Op also cooks at home, so what's the problem?

I suppose if I was in your shoes, I would just keep it short with family and not go into all your various reasons why, it just gives them something to argue against. I'd just say something like "As our baby, DC will be raised in accordance with our ethical beliefs, this will not be an argument, it's our choice". If you aren't confident that they will respect your choice just don't leave them to look after your son!

I think the concern on the thread is based around experiences people have had with fairly militant vegetarians/vegans. One of my closest friends was raised pescatarian and even in her 30s she can't tell her dad she now eats meat. Her siblings also eat meat, as does her mum/his wife when he isn't around. Her entire wedding was vegetarian because her dad wouldn't hear otherwise and obviously she didn't want to own up. It's quite sad really!

And fwiw on the iron point, I hardly eat any meat because I'm squeamish about it. My midwife told me recently to eat some steak because "you wouldn't believe how many greens you have to eat to get the equivalent iron" yet when my iron levels are tested, I'm asked if I'm taking supplements because they are pleasantly high.

Oh my God...have I just stepped into 1982? Back then people were very suspicious of vegetarians...regarded as kooks and weirdos to be dismissed.
Seems like nothing has changed, many people still don't know any better.

This thread is mad. There are other sources of protein than meat. Eating it is not a dietry requirement for anyone. I thought everyone understood that in the year 2024?
Clearly not.

You may have a very healthy diet. But generally in the UK people eat a lot of processed shite, which is why we gave an obesity crisis. No one can argue with that.

If OP’s family can’t accept parenting choices she and her husband have made about their own baby and are insistent that their morals be given precedence over the parents’ morals then it’s not OP and her husband who are burning bridges. Their parents already got to raise their own children in accordance with their own moral beliefs. They don’t now get to insist that their morals are prioritised over those of the parents.

Introducing them to a range of food types is the best option, allowing them to choose or reject foods once they understand more about diet, health, ethics and so on.

And what if they’re disgusted that they were ever fed meat? Yet you forced that upon them because you believed that it’s an appropriate food even before they were old enough to decide if they wanted to eat animals? Haven’t you taken that choice from them? You’ve still enforced your beliefs upon them just because you believe that’s the best method and a neutral one when your child may see it as anything but.

And we all enforce our beliefs. Whether we eat a standard British diet, keep kosher, halal or vegetarian, think our children should eat more vegetables. no sweet foods, some sweet foods etc we all impose our ideas of what they should eat upon them until they’re old enough to choose. It’s impossible to avoid it whether we’re compiling a shopping list or cooking.

Tell them to mind their own business.

Introducing them to a range of food types is the best option, allowing them to choose or reject foods once they understand more about diet, health, ethics and so on.

Well yes but it sounds like the OP will do this! Nobody introduces their child to everything as it's based on what's eaten in your home. My child has never eaten reformed meat products in my house as I wouldn't buy them. They haven't tried natto or okra as I don't like them. They never get shellfish at home as I am allergic. I have never bought a coconut as I don't think I could get it open. Loads of things poor DS is missing! He does eat organic meat a couple of times a week or so - we aren't veggie ourselves.

Avoiding meat at home is so... (I'm searching for the right word) tame? Uncontroversial? If the dad isn't veggie I expect the child will try meat at some point or maybe not. It seems wildly unproblematic to me and honestly if you're worried about how other people are feeding their children then I would suggest you start with children who eat processed meat in their lunchbox everyday as that is actually a known cancer risk.

This is an absurd concept. WHY should the OP listen to the grandparents concerns?

Would you be saying the same if the grandparents were christian and wanted to raise the baby christian? What about if they had differing views on TV or sugar? Or play or exercise or sleep?

No. You'd be saying to the mum "your baby, your choice". Every single aspect of a baby's life is a choice made by the parents who generally make those choices in line with their own belief system. You don't raise a baby in a vacuum. I don't understand why this one issue makes people interfere so much.

Celebrating Xmas is not restricting children in any ways. If anything it is indulging kids. So weird example to highlight controlling.

I have. It’s ridiculous.

But OP has basically said she doesn’t want him to eat meat until he’s old enough to understand what it is and where it comes from, and then he can make his own choices. Telling the school he’s veggie until he reaches that age is just an extension of that.

Hi OP!
I must admit I haven't read the whole thread, but I wanted to share some a film from the Forks over Knives website. Basically lots of (now plant based) doctors saying how much eating a whole food plant based diet has helped reverse many of the ills such as heart disease, diabetes etc in their patients.. They also have articles on the best way of feeding children this way.

The Game Changers documentary is another eye opener for people who are adamant that we need meat - mainly about athletes who have raised their game making the transition .Some food for thought for those opposed to what you are doing. I find that asking them to just watch, rather than trying to argue/debate is more effective at alleviating concerns and some hard core meat eaters have even gone plant based themselves. :) Good luck!

Watch Our Free Documentary - Forks Over Knives

I don't actually and neither do my kids.