Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

Do you think it’s because they believe he isn’t getting enough of something from his diet? Have you tried something along the lines of I researched to ensure that child is getting all the protein etc that a growing child requires and when said child is old enough to have their own opinion /curiosity then I will respect that. In the meantime please stop going on about it we are not going to change our minds.

@Abcxyz123user actually I think you'll find if you read my earlier post that I said there isn't a problem - eating meat is my choice, being vegetarian is hers and what she feeds her DC is completely up to her!
I was simply stating that both types of diet can be bloody awful or very good - it all depends on the individual.

Absolutely. But at least they're not being weird or forcing their views on to their child. Have another burger son.

Yep. Eating meat may be normal and legal but you don’t have to have eaten animal flesh to know you don’t want to.

You are doing nothing wrong and your family should respect your wishes.

I’ve been vegetarian for 25 years, and 99% plant based for 5 years (since weaning my first I have got less fussy about dairy or eggs being contained in some food products, although I avoid them where possible and wouldn’t eat straight dairy or eggs).

Personally I felt a bit intimidated by trying to feed my baby entirely plant based, so on discussion with my husband we agreed that the kids would be pescatarian. My in laws look after my LO a few days a week, and although they are meat eaters, they are completely respectful of our choice and feed our little one accordingly. They also give oat milk because although LO has some dairy, cow milk as a drink is OTT and unhealthy in my opinion. They might not agree with this at all, and that’s fine with me, but they respect my wishes!

Everyone makes decisions for their children based on their ethics and opinions to try to raise healthy, happy children. It is absurd to me that some people believe that eating meat should be the default and you are somehow deprived or depriving your children by deciding not to eat/feed it.

Raising a vegetarian child is a sensible, healthy and ethical choice. Her baby is 6 months old so doesn't have agency yet. She doesn't want relatives to feed her baby meat and that is entirely her and her DS's decision. If their wider families go against her wishes, she can choose to stop any opportunities for them to be able to do this.

When her child is older and can make their own decisions about what to eat, she says that it will be fine for him to eat meat if he wants to.

But you are restricting them by not allowing them to sample Eid, Diwali, Hanukkah etc. Which is fine, IMO, as we all parent according to beliefs.

OP is neither weird nor forcing her views. The decision not to allow her baby to eat meat is exactly the same as the opposite decision. It’s simply one of the choices she makes on behalf of her child, until he’s old enough to make them himself and no less deserving of respect.

I think you probably need to discuss this with your GP or a pediatric dietician. As long as your child's dietary needs are being met, I dont see an issue, but I think it's worth checking that they are being met and the child isn't lacking anything. Also incude a good multi vitamin.

I think your families need to back off. It's your child and you can feed them ad you please. I think once you have seen a health professional you can reassure them you've discussed it with a doctor and it's fine.

They aren't coming from a bad place. It sounds like they are just concerned.

I was being sarcastic, sorry. I agree with you.

Buy some good scientific books with recipes about introducing a baby to a nutritious and heathy diet without meat.
Leave it always visible and refer to it and read it in the company of your family.

They are merely worried because they do not understand how they would feed a baby fully without meat. All they need to see is that you are taking the task seriously and with good advice.

Be prepared for every now and again a loving grandparent feeding your child something not strictly on your menu. As long as your child has no allergy problems just react like they have given the toddler a bite of fairy bread or birthday cake; a not every day food.

But OP is a long term veggie herself. Why do you assume she’s incapable of making sure her child has proper nutrition without ‘expert’ advice.

Ah, sorry. Too early in the morning for the sarcasm radar to be in full swing 🤭

Agsin, many veggies also eat processed shite.

This is true also.

what I mean by this is I would say we have raised him veggie to this point, so would prefer him to have veggie meals to start with. However if he does ask the teacher for some of what his friend is having for example, they are allowed to give him some. I wouldn’t just raise him veggie and then send him off to school as a meat eater. Because again he isn’t making his own choice. I would then be deciding “you eat meat now” so I would just let the teacher know to give him veggie food but there’s no strict rule on it if he does want to try some meat

You are not being unreasonable. We all want to raise our kids with our own values, don't we? That's why people take their kids to church, for example. A carefully planned vegetarian diet can be far healthier than a meat eating diet (I wonder if most meat eaters are even aware that processed red meat is officially classified as a group 1 carcinogen?). And I also think it's important to raise the next generation to have an understanding of how problematic the meat industry is, both in terms of cruelty and environmental impact. That information just didn't seem to be available in the mainstream when I was a kid. Now it is.

I have been vegetarian most of my life (my choice, my family all ate meat), my husband joined me about a decade ago, and we are raising our kid vegetarian too. She's very healthy and 91st centile for height, so certainly not stunted. We do occasionally use some supplements for the trickiest nutrients (e.g. omegas), and ensure she gets iron fortified foods eaten alongside something with vitamin C to aid absorption. I actually paid for a private session with a child nutritionist when she was weaning to ensure we weren't missing anything important in her diet. Nutritionist was very positive and had no concerns, but gave us some ideas, at my request, for getting enough iron into her (veg sources are harder to absorb so need to be planned a little).

Well done for sticking to your principles and just ignore all the absolute rubbish people spout about it. It's not really anyone else's business!

If DH is completely on board then ok. But I would say you both need to think carefully about what age you consider DC old enough to make their own decisions. If daddy is eating meat at GPs House or at a restaurant or somewhere and DC wants to try a bit at say 18 months are you going to let him?

As long as your child is healthy and getting the right nutrients then its no ones business what you do or don't feed him.

Like you say he can decide for himself when he is old enough.

I understand where you’re coming from, as I’ve had similar experiences myself. I’ve been vegetarian for 20 years, and I feel so strongly about it that I would never consider feeding meat to my children. Like you, I want my children to fully understand what it is before eating it.

I think you’d be absolutely right to say firmly, ‘If you continue making such remarks, I won’t have a choice but to limit our contact.’ My main concern is that our children might grow up feeling that being vegetarian is somehow wrong, which is certainly not the case from my perspective. Why should eating animals be seen as the norm?

Be clear that this is how you’re raising your child, and if the questioning or challenging continues, you won’t hesitate to step back from the relationship.

The majority of the UK isnt veggie so the majority of obese people arent getting obese on fake meat, are they? Anecdata aside.

We should be raising children who can develop their own values, not mini versions of us.

Re protein, there are tons of protein products now, pancakes in Lidl/Aldi, yoghurts, even Muller rice has a protein version, protein softbake bars in Asda/Sainsbury. Obviously the baby is too young young for such products currently and you aren’t supposed to overload the protein (I mean very high amounts) on very young children.

I don’t see it as any different from certain religions being vegetarian. I used to teach a Hare Krishna girl, she’d been brought up vegetarian of course. I recall her telling me eggs were banned-potential for life and for some reason, mushrooms. Other religions ban eg pork/beef, would they complain about this if your dp didn’t want pork in the house? Or beef? Did they bring you up in a religion? Obviously you make choices for your child, be it religion, school, food. Nothing to do with anyone but you as his parents.

That doesn't make sense. Smoking and drinking are normal and legal too. It doesn't mean it's good for you so people can be glad if they've never tried it.

This reminds me of my ILs when mine were babies. They thought I was mean and depriving my baby of good food as I did not want him to have sugar.
They kept telling me babies should have rusks not baby rice, which the Health Visitor reccommended.
My MIL would shovel sweets in his mouth when she thought I wasn't looking. I thought babies should not have sweets until they were old enough to understand what they were and ask to try them, just like the OP with meat.