Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

You can't be glad you've not done something which is normal and legal , if you've never tried it.

I'm amazed anyone could have such strong feelings about something which has no impact on them whatsoever. Of course you can feed your baby a vegetarian diet if you choose to. Mumsnet is a whole different world sometimes.

I think what's weird is people thinking a vegetarian diet is weird in 2024. Almost 1/4 of the world's population is vegetarian. It's hardly some groundbreaking new diet.

OP, in terms of how you handle the comments - in the end I think you have to say clearly and firmly that they have had a chance to air their concerns but you and your DH have decided and so they now need to keep their opinions to themselves. You're not going to keep having the conversation over and over again because it's going to end up damaging your relationship with them.

And than refuse to get dragged into it. Just repeat variations of the lines above every time they try to talk about it.

Thank you for actually answering my question and helping me with advice on thr scenario instead of making up pointless fake scenarios about my husband. I was just about to lose hope for this thread.

You’re right about limiting contact, it’s just a shame that this is coming from both sides of the family! It’s hurtful coming from my mum especially

I'm vegetarian, DH eats only halal meat and no pork

Our children eat a full unrestricted, nutritious diet and can choose their own path when they are old enough to do so.

Like you, I became a vegetarian in adulthood by my own choice, I can't imagine having that decision forced on me as a baby

To be fair, a lot of MN is people having opinions on things that don't affect them. 🤫

I was raised vegetarian, I'm 32 now and am so glad I was. Of my siblings, cousins and friends who were raised that way, it's about 50/50 as to whether they eat meat now. None have had these gut issues transferring to meat that Mumsnet loves to mention.

I really don't get why something so common and mundane gets some mumsnetters so het up. It's completely normal to raise your children with your values.

Great approach.

They are being ridiculous. It’s simply a practical choice. You are vegetarian and you, by the sounds of it, do the bulk of the cooking and parenting around food. You cook and eat vegetarian food. Of course, you’ll feed your baby what you eat. That’s fine.

FWIW, I was a vegetarian for 20 years when I had my eldest. I actually decided not to feed her strictly vegetarian food, though that was more from a point of wanting to expose her to as many tastes and textures as possible. But I did the cooking and the food shopping. So she ate mostly vegetarian like Dh also did (not a vegetarian). I didn’t cook her anything special. For just very practical reasons. It was just so much easier to cook only one thing. I’m not a vegetarian anymore but we still eat lots of vegetarian food. That said, they do realise that huge populations around the world are vegetarian and are doing just fine and actually probably have much varied diets than we do?

No six month old babies make a meaningful choice about what they are eating. They can refuse food if they don't like the taste or the texture, but they can't ask for a specific food.

If OP wants her baby to have a vegetarian diet and the baby's father is happy with this, no-one else should voice an opinion.

Times have changed since we were all hunter/gatherers and relied on meat to stay alive. A vegetarian diet for a small child is much healthier than a diet with meat where the meat is highly processed, e.g. chicken nuggets.

Unfortunately in my experience you will have a lot of people throwing this opinion at you. I have always ignored it as it's not an argument I am prepared to have they are my children I am raising them that's the end of it.

I have never personally fed my children meat. I have allowed them to eat meat outside of the home. DS-14 was not even remotely interested and proudly told everyone he was veggie since nursery. Once came home from school chuffed he'd had small sausages in a school party thinking they were Quorn ones and I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise. He did get curious in yr6 so I said I'd buy him anything he wanted to try, he bought a McDonald's burger out with friends and that was the end of it he's never spoken about eating meat since. He's 5'7" into the gym, football, boxing healthy as can be.

DS -4 slightly different story the kind of child who would eat anything including the sofa and the dog if we let him. He has eaten meat on a handful of occasions in parties/grandparents houses because he wanted it but this summer he decided he was veggie too. He asked me in a soft play party if the nuggets were meat I said yes he said I don't want to eat that and then he said the same in September about school dinners so desicion made I won't let anyone give him anything again.

The only controversial thing I have done is I didn't tell my oldest about gelatine until he was older. About 9 I think. I didn't want him to be the kid in parties not eating the sweets or thinking he was missing out on what his friends were having. Expecting other parents to check packets. Recently I asked him about it as I'm doing the same with the youngest and he thinks it was the right thing to do.

A vegetarian diet isn't weird.
Forcing your child to do something because of your beliefs is not great.

Between 70% and 86% of the world is meat eaters

So exactly the same as a vegetarian parent then? I don't give my child meat or fish, because I don't eat them. They get other sources of protein.

I'm a meat lover. We only eat local, free range and straight from the farm where possible. My DD knows exactly where her food comes from and why we do things the way we do.

OP I'm not a vegetarian or vegan. Your choices will never be mine, however I will say - this is YOUR child. Providing the diet you provide is nutritionally sound then you feed your DC what you are comfortable with. It's no one else's business providing your child is healthy.

Just because someone eats meat doesn't mean their diet is better than a carefully balanced vegetarian diet.

Me and one of my DC are vegetarian.
I have a DN who only eats chicken nuggets and honey sandwiches, there's no way that is better than the wide range of foods available for a balanced vegetarian diet.

I completely agree it's you and DH's choice, and the extended family need to accept that.

I too would be worried about them feeding your child meat behind your back.

It's weird they are so focused on meat, do they not know any other vegetarians?

Does this weird attitude prevail in other areas for you? Like should OP avoid imparting any ethical beliefs on to her baby for fear of creating a mini me?

What other ethical beliefs should she be avoiding - I presume she can’t teach her kids about climate change in case she’s denying them the right to form their own views on the subject. What about equality for women, presumably that’s out too in case her son is deprived of the opportunity to formulate his own views on the equality of the sexes?

And since it would obviously be mad and irrational to pretend that food decisions other than the choice of whether to eat meat are morally neutral, we need to avoid parents making any decisions about it which might be formed on an ethical basis in case it deprives your tabula rasa child of the chance to form a belief without your influence. So choosing dolphin friendly tuna or free range eggs is a non-starter, those are choices you’ve made for your child on the basis of an ethical belief. We’d better not have any discussions of eating local and seasonal produce either, that engages parental ethics. What about fair trade? No, that’s an ethical choice too. Gosh, the damage we’ve all been unknowingly inflicting on our children by forcing our ethics upon them by making these decisions!

Well yes. I am not making 4 different meals. I grew up eating lentils daily so why would I not feed my kids that?

No, these are types of veggies, not all veggies. OP isn't just excluding some meats, she's excluding all meats.

A vegetarian diet is likely going to be pretty healthy - certainly healthier than taking in a lot
of the processed meat that is virtually standard in schools, restaurant kid meals etc. Do you think there is any chance they are getting confused with veganism? Vegetarianism isn’t extreme at all so they’re being really unreasonable to bully you about this. And - most 8month old babies aren’t actually eating that much meat even if they’re not veggie.

The only thing that would slightly worry me is how easy it would be for them to eat meat in the future if they wanted to. One of my friends grew up veggie and stopped while at university as she was mega anaemic and wanted to introduce red meat. It made her feel pretty awful at first as she hadn’t had any meat at all for so long.

https://www.cookunity.com/blog/what-percentage-of-the-population-is-vegetarian

Between 70% - 86% is a wide range and includes a % that allows for almost 1/4 of the world's population to be vegetarian... Not sure I am following you?

Absolutely, that’s why i asked the question as to how it’s going to be presented.

It's not weird to not want to create a copy of yourself. It's down to education about versus indoctrination into.

What absolute crap!
How many meat eating parents do you advise to get a nutritionist in for their children? Adults who eat meat don’t have some kind of magical superior knowledge about nutrition while vegetarian and vegan adults are just floundering around without a clue?

*A vegetarian diet isn't weird.
Forcing your child to do something because of your beliefs is not great.

Like feeding your child meat when they have no concept of what it is and may be horrified in later life that you fed them pieces of dead animal before they were old enough to decide for themselves?