Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

Not what OP said. It was literally if he wanted to try a bit of meat not a full extra dinner.

But it’s not just DH’s family, it’s OP’s as well.

No she didn’t. Her DH eats veggie meals but OP has also said that’s by choice and she wouldn’t object if he wanted meat at home. Until the child is old enough to make their own decisions, this is a parental choice and other members of the family need to accept that.

yes, she should give him open consent, and child can actually choose from options there. So she doesn't have to tell them he has started as veggie blah blah. She should say it's totally his decision what to eat at school. I bet she don't say this. If she can say his wish at school, she should do the same with her parents now. It is just like some of our Hindu families who control child's life and preferences by blocking the choices in the early years.

Other members also has their own parental choices. OP has no right to object , instead she can let her baby meet only plant eaters :) even better parental choice until she think she encourage him to try every thing. 😂

Because at 8 months he won't be choosing his own food. When he goes to school, he will be able to make a decision for himself.

OP doesn't want him to eat meat, but if he sees other children eating meat at school and wants to try it, she won't stop this.

Allowing her parents and in laws to offer him meat at the baby stage is different. They have an agenda and will be pushing the non vegetarian options onto her child.

at 8:45 this morning you said:

Yeah I will be telling them that he is veggie and asking them not to feed him meat.

You keep doing that.. denying things you've said, then accusing people of making things up?.. it's right there in your posts.

He will be choosing at 8 months definately. he doesn't know which is veg or non-veg. they try everything they can have their hands on. they try eating every thing see if it is good for them. That's how we have been evolved. No one should Question why OP did not offer meat at home. But she should not hurt her parents feelings at the same time if they want to offer other choices. If they eat when offered, OP shoud assume child like it and alssow to eat out side.

@BeJollyNewt @Rosscameasdoody I’m just saying she should figure out at home (or when they eat out) what the preferences of the kid are if that’s what she wants to do and have clear communication to the school. They don’t serve a buffet at the schools where kids pick whatever they want. At my kids school everyone is plated the same (excluding the dietary restrictions kids) and they get on with it. They can’t just try what others are having.

Cheating her own family means would be cheating baby too in future. the above statement in quotes is proof. Thanks @sandyhappypeople

When DD (15) was small, I was a vegetarian and XH was a pescatarian, so we gave her pescatarian food.
I always said that when she was old enough to communicate her wishes she could choose to eat meat outside the home. In fact, she didn’t do this until XH started eating meat again.
There was then a short period after XH and I split up when DD was still eating meat, so I did manage to cook her a pork/lamb chop from time to time, but it was quite difficult because I don’t like handling meat, and as I’ve been a vegetarian since I was 13 I’ve no idea how to cook it. It was quite a relief when she chose to be pescatarian again, though I tried to be neutral about her decision.

But she doesn't want her baby to eat meat!! Who cares if her parents' feelings are hurt? It's none of their business. They have had their own children and fed them what they wished. This is OP's and her husband's baby, they are the parents and they are bringing up their child as a vegetarian.

Her DH eats veggie meals but OP has also said that’s by choice and she wouldn’t object if he wanted meat at home.

she never said that at all, she hasn't mentioned her DH having meat at home at all except to say he "only eats meat when out", and with regards to DS she said she "wouldn't object if he wanted to eat meat OUTSIDE the home".

OP has made it perfectly clear that no one will be eating meat inside that house at any time.

Sorry to hear that you're getting such a hard time from them all. Did your parents and grandparents also give you grief about becoming vegetarian?

It's good that you and your DH are in agreement. Personally, I wouldn't let any of those relatives have unsupervised access to your DC - or give them the chance to feed them anything - as they don't seem to respect your parenting decisions at all. I'd try to make it clear to them that their attitude is only going to put a distance between them and their new GC - there won't be any overnight visits to nanna's house! and if they carry on like this, your entire household will adopt a vegan diet!

Please read her original post again, only 'I' was there . Husband is not involved in what baby eats, he only involved in what he eat. and with some examples here, as if OP even telling all truth about her husbands opinion. she asked for advise and only showing pleasure to statements of her strong opinion.

So if she doesn't have to care parents opinions ,so be it vice-versa

What on earth are you talking about? How is she cheating her own family? She has told her family that she is giving her baby a vegetarian diet. That means that they are not allowed to offer the baby meat. That is entirely OP's and her DH's decision to make.

'The above statement in quotes is proof'!! Do you think you are in a court of law? That you have caught the OP out and she is now obliged to offer her baby a lamb chop?

How old is old enough to choose though?

To be clear, your baby, as long as you're feeding a nutritious healthy diet and not creating some sort of bonkers eating disorder by going carb free or fruitarian or only raw food or whatever else parents can do to trigger ED... no issue there.

Just curious as to what age and what reasons a vegetarian raised child can choose for themselves.

At 2, because its there, it smells nice, he'd like to try it?

At 4 because his friends are having it and he is curious?

At 8 because he knows it used to be an animal but honestly, it smells good and he hasn't the cognitive or empathic ability yet to really understand the implications of commercial animal farming and meat production?

At 21?

I am mostly vegetarian, I eat very little meat and what I do eat is as local or ethical as I can manage (so locally produced bacon, minced beef and sausages as thats what we have available), so I really have no issue with the vegetarian diet... I just wonder about idea that a kid can make a choice based on all the information. I think they'd need to be practically an adult before they can understand all the relevant factors!

Yes i know. I still mean what I posted. In my experience, if the father/husband says that's how they're doing things AND it is a united front which it is in this case, then people are rarely going to argue. Even if they say things behind your back.

Cheating by doing false promises about future knowingly or unknowingly.

DS's previous school had 2 options (veg, non-veg) every day to choose from. current school we have to order on saturday , so DS make his choice selection online, if that is the case for the OP's baby in future ,I don't think he has independent choice really.

Another poster asked if her husband was on board with their child having a vegetarian diet and OP responded with

'Oh yeah he is completely onboard and agrees'

If by 'so be it vice-versa' about her parents' opinions, you mean that they won't care about her opinions and will feed her baby meat, that will just mean that she won't give them any access to the baby if she can't trust them.

The baby belongs to her and her husband and they make the decisions about what their baby eats.

She hasn't made any promises to her parents, false or otherwise.

Then why it was 'I' in first post ?

Because most posters post in the first person singular.

My adult child has been a vegetarian for nearly 50 years. They are the healthiest person I know. They have one filling in their teeth, and have had two days sick for work.

They became a vegetarian aged 7.

Just ignore your detractors and carry on. Just do some research on iron rich veggies.