Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

I was the poster previously responded to on this point. Unless the pp (or the Meat Marketing Board as I prefer to think of them) hasn't just adopted a completely neutral approach to all religions but also all cultures, educations, languages, systems of thought, comparative health systems and philosophies, I thought their response too asinine to engage with.

And if they have, I think their child has bigger problems than vegetarianism.

Jeez @Foxtails Next time just ask if you're overreacting when your child's grandparents ask all the time about giving him a haircut, because although that matters not a jot in terms of health or whatever, apparently it's a lot easier to say you'd go apeshit and cut them off

PS, I'm not a vegetarian and neither are any of my kids, but if any of them decide their children will be veggie, or them I suppose, then I'll just adjust meals accordingly. Honestly I don't understand how there is such a mass of conversation about this? You've clearly stated this is a family agreement, and that when your kid is older he can make his own mind up. The intricacies of these future conversations don't need to be gone into now.

Agreed!

wait… when did I say that at 4 he won’t have autonomy?
Right here is where you said that, in response to another poster:

"How old is old enough to choose? When they go to school at 4 will you be telling the school they are veggie or will they be able to opt for cottage pie if they see their friends eating it and they fancy trying it?"

"Yeah I will be telling them that he is veggie and asking them not to feed him meat."

Like I said, you are taking away his choice and not allowing him autonomy.. at what age will he be allowed to choose to eat meat if he wants to (not 'try' it)?

No matter how you put it this whole thread is about how you are going to force your child to be vegetarian.. a PP was right in that you may as well just own that if that is your belief.

Take vitamin c with non heme iron and you are good or cook in iron cookware.

It’s a default for a non meat eating household surely, to opt for the veggie option when their child starts school. If he wants to try meat, he will ask his parents and they can change his dinners to the meat option. Not a big deal.

I am baffled by some of the responses here!

I will be raising my daughter vegetarian until she is old enough to decide for herself whether she wants to try meat. She has vegetarian food at nursery with absolutely no issues. I am confident in the knowledge that she is eating a healthy and nutritious diet with adequate protein via beans, pulses, tofu, vegetables.

Luckily our family support our decision, but in your position I think I'd say something along the lines of 'yes, you've voiced your opinion on this already. We're happy with the way we're doing things so please respect that.' I think the best thing is to try to shut down the conversation if you can, but it does sound very difficult for you.

@Rosscameasdoody Haha, love it! Actually my cousin used to feed his kids stuff like that, posh twat. But not babies. Maybe we are missing a trick? Lol 🤣🤣🤣

The choice of school dinners isn't the point though, my point is she is contradicting herself, on one hand she is saying she will allow him autonomy to choose when he is 'old enough' and is now saying that of course that will be before he is four, but on the other hand she is saying she will tell the school he is vegetarian and to not feed him meat.

She's backtracking and it's creating a contradiction. She wants him to be vegetarian but she is dressing it up like he has a choice in the matter, when she has no intention of giving him a choice until he is much older.

To clarify, I think there is nothing wrong with being vegetarian and raising your children to be vegetarian in your house (you cook the food after all!), but categorically telling other people never to let him have meat or fish 'because he's vegetarian' is wrong IMO (just my opinion). Once he is out of the baby stage and becomes curious about trying different foods and wanting to try things that other people are eating, I think it's wrong to force them to follow your beliefs, you are refusing them autonomy at that point.

You are right OP. They are being hypocritical and illogical.

I told my school the kids were veggie. I told playdates too. Didnt need to tell GPs as they are veggie too.

I am unapologetic about it, really.

OP has said that her DH is fully on board with this, not just paying lip service as he doesn't want to upset her. Is it beyond your comprehension that both parents can agree that a vegetarian diet is the most suitable for their child?

Why not go the whole hog and call the OP a liar?

I know two qualified nutritionists. One is a family member.
One is of the opinion that "you have to have meat".
The other is a vegetarian and promotes a plant based diet for health reasons.
Ironically, they both qualified at the same hospital.
Even funnier, one of the children of the meat eating one has voluntarily turned vegetarian.

Correct, it took away from your point.

Yes.
The Scottish School system also covers a variety of religions quite well at primary level, or at least my son's school did.
I also answer(ed) questions as they arise/arose.

No, you can't.

Did you miss the part where I said I don't eat much meat?
Why exactly is it a problem to expose a child to cultures, religions, food choices etc, without forcing any of them?

So when people say that they are glad that they have never eaten meat, do you mean that they are wrong, or that they should be forbidden from saying it?

Both those options sound ridiculous.

Of course people can say that they are glad that they have never eaten meat, because they think that killing animals for food is wrong.

Why not?

OK, you pop off and raise your child with exactly equal access to all cultures, systems of thought etc, being careful not to set up any preferences or impose a framework on them in any way, then come back in 18 years or so and let us know how that went.

Be careful not to miss any! It wouldn't be a fair experiment if you missed even the tiniest of group religions or dietary practices, would it? After all, even the slightest predispositioning of your child towards one way of living rather than another is unacceptable, according to you.

And you will have to travel of course, because you couldn't possibly raise them with a reasonable default option, could you? That's what the OP is doing, and you've said that doesn't create genuine choice, so I guess you'll be guided by your own logic on that.

Have a nice trip!

@sandyhappypeople why are you getting so involved with this?

Why does it matter how OP has worded her posts about when she will allow her child to have meat? It'll become a moot point when he's old enough to ask for it anyway.

The point is that this is OP's and her husband's baby, not yours, not her parents or his parents, so they make the decision. Just because you're suspicious about her husband having an opinion about it doesn't actually matter, you're making up little stories in your head to ultimately justify "I'm going to argue the toss for no good reason because I don't actually care if you're vegetarian or not".

There is increasing evidence to suggest that the ability to be vegetarian is largely genetic, with persons like your husband who would like to be struggling to follow the diet. One hypothesis is that person's who enjoy being vegetarian synthesise certain lipids themselves and don't need them from meat, whereas others will always have those cravings.

Your family is unreasonable, and there's no reason to be judgemental of you.

The only thing I'd be concerned about is if your child does decide as a teen to eat meat - and you refuse to have it in the house. That seems unkind to me.
Hopefully by then the science will be clearer so vegetarians have a clearer view of why it's not a viable long-term choice for all, and vice-versa.

Are you being deliberately obtuse because I've hit some sort of nerve?

No, I mean what I wrote.

Nutritional therapist….lol.