Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

I’m 42 and never eaten meat, and it’s never harmed me. I was a veggie kid in the 80s when it was a truly unusual thing. Sometimes you just have to stick to your principles. B12 is the main thing (but its fortified everywhere now).

I also beat all the meat-eating kids in my village primary school sports day in every race I was in one year, which raised mutterings 😂

Good for you. I wonder how flexible some people on here would really be if their 8 year old said they wanted to become vegetarian and convert to a religion that they’d previously not had an affiliation to.

Thanks for taking the time to do this and for your considered response. I think it's important to challenge our own perceptions and understanding so I'll have a good look at those studies.

@BigManLittleDignity I'd support them at that point and make sure their diet did contain everything they need to the maximum extent possible on vegetarian diet. At 6 it may or may not be a phase anyway. It's specifically in early childhood that I believe nutrition is so important and meat is particularly beneficial. Which actually is counter to the OPs view of letting him decide when he's old enough. Tbh if a 6 year old (or child of any age) decides they are not going to eat meat, I'm not sure what you do to to make them.

“Yes he can, but not yet because he is not able to make that choice. For now, I am in control of those choices. When he is old enough he will know what meat is and then can decide if he wants to try it at grandmas or with his dad or whatever. But while I have control over his diet at this age I don’t want him having it”

I didn’t make it up and you’re exaggerating. Your own words that I have quoted above state that when he is old enough he can decide to eat meat with his dad or whatever but whilst you control his diet he is not having it… I think you can see possible implications there; I’m not saying that you and your DH are in disagreement but you state above about him eating meat with his dad when he older but you’re not letting that happen now. I think that’s where the misunderstanding of what you mean comes through.

What does religion have to do with it?

I have had vegetarian friends for many years and am a competent and imaginative cook. It really isn't difficult to think outside of the meat and 2 veg box, especially as we eat a variety of cuisines in our house.

Does this only apply to families where children are being brought up on a vegetarian diet? What if the wider family are vegetarian and object to their grand-child being brought up to eat meat. Is this meat-eating child being indoctrinated?

Do you also think that diets based on religion, e.g. halal, kosher, are indoctrination?

I may be completely wrong, but I think most meat eating parents would let their children become vegetarian if they expressed that wish, I know I would, the objections around vegetarian parents is they are not allowing their children a choice or autonomy, they are forcing it on them.

So a meat eater forcing meat on their vegetarian children would also be wrong in the same way, IMO.

They have clearly already tried to talk about the issue, but it sounds as though trust and respect has gone.

This won’t necessarily mean cutting all contact, but it may mean distancing. The OP’s child might never spend time with the extended family unless the OP or her husband is present also.

DH and I are both veggie and will raise DS veggie.

So far, we haven't had any issues with family over it (although he's only 5 months so too soon for solids). We did have massive issues with DH's family when we first went veggie 13 years ago though. And when we had our wedding and didn't serve meat.

My parents were just like 'are you sure?' And that was that.

Many of our Sikh and Hindu friends were raised vegetarian and I have a friend who was raised vegan and is now in her mid 30s. All of them are perfectly healthy.

Also, I know what you mean about when he's older. There's a big difference between someone sneaking meat in to him at 8 months and him asking to try some chicken at 8 years.

If you look back you'll see I've already answered a similar question.

As previously stated, our role is to educate our children in a way that they are confident and able to make their own choices.

wait… when did I say that at 4 he won’t have autonomy? I’ve never said that at all so I’m confused. He will get to decide as soon as he is able to, whatever age that may be. As soon as he is old enough to understand what he’s eating and ask for it, fine. I’m assuming that will be before he’s 4

Nope. Nice try though.

Did I say I incuded carcinogens in my diet? That said, it's pretty impossible to avoid things which potentially cause cancer - for some unfortunate people genetics even cause cancer.

I never said “with his dad” the part that you’ve quoted on doesn’t say “with his dad” anywhere on it. I get what you mean though, the way I worded that makes it sound like it’s only me deciding, rather than the both of us. However I have cleared this up a few times now

Lots of us are saying that the children are free to eat meat if they choose to do so. How is that forcing anything on them?

Yes, parents tend to control what babies and very young children eat. My would have lived on yoghurt alone as a toddler, if she had been put in charge. But as soon as she was old enough to make a choice, she was free to do so.

It’s not an argument, it’s a question... How you frame answers to questions with children is very important, surely you can see that. Answering factually without emotive language is really hard for anyone when you have your own belief system within that; whether you are a meat eater or not. I was simply pointing out that thought needs to be had as to what that looks like. I do eat meat, but not often. Same for my DC. They know where it comes from and that we also make choices within that eg only eating free range. It’s being open and transparent.

More than aware of that, thanks. I don't live under a rock but it didn’t add to my point.

I've had a quick look back at your posts. I assume you mean you have answered a question about whether you feel the same about a vegetarian diet as part of Hinduism.

You responded to say that you think that children should be exposed to as many religions as possible and they should then make their own choice.

Is that what you have done with your own children? Have you exposed them to all the major religions, together with any dietary requirements associated to that religion, including a vegetarian diet?

Actually extremely useful in the initial stages of post gastric surgery when you can't physically eat enough to subtract the protein you need, but obviously you know more than my highly qualified dietician.

If this is what you mean then this really is a non issue. If, at the age of 4, you’re happy for him to have meat at home on his choosing then I’m not sure what the issue is?

If the issue is family passing judgement on your parenting choices, then that I understand. But it happens in every family. You won’t shut it down so the best you can do is just ignore and more then conversation on. While your child is doing baby lead weaning then veg is much easier to manage than meat anyway.

Judgement works both ways. You don’t want to be judged on your parenting and your child may or may not want to be judged on their future choices too. So if he wants meat, he should be able to eat it freely in his own home.

Absolutely none of anyone’s business. Jesus, how bloody invasive…… if you don’t think you can trust your family to adhere to your wishes then don’t have your child around them until that changes.

I agree. And if eating meat is legal, so is being vegetarian. Some people don't want to eat meat because animals are sentient beings. So you can be glad to not ever eat meat.

If my child came to me and said they were veggie or vegan I’d completely try to support that. Research also get them to help plan the meals but I wouldn’t be letting them be the type of veggie or vegan who just swaps meat for fake meat. Do it properly.

One of my children barely eats meat anyway, they only eat chicken and cod and even then if I do a roast 9/10 he would leave the chicken, make it a fajita or a pasta salad and he will wolf it down.