Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

It's an appropriate word.

Some people feel threatened by vegetarianism because it causes them to reflect on their own eating habits, which might be found wanting. So they deflect by criticising others.

The bog standard UK diet ain’t all that - diet related poor health costs the UK £268 BILLION

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/uk-news/uks-unhealthy-food-habits-cost-30389362.amp

Well including class 1 and 2 carcinogens in your diet is hardly rational now is it?

We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back.

I think at this stage you're not unreasonable to want your child not to have meat, as a baby they have no concept, but saying when they are 4 they still can't decide for themselves, is too much to be honest.

Saying he can have whatever he likes, but fearing that they will give him meat behind your back is a complete contradiction, my daughter is 3 and is very much aware of what she is eating, what she likes and doesn't like (she doesn't seem to like meat ironically) and I think excluding something from their diet at that stage to match YOUR ethics is wrong IMO, if he sees his grandad eating something with meat in it or fish, wants to try it and likes it, why would you not let them have it when he is with them? You'd be refusing him autonomy and forcing him to remain vegetarian at that point, I think you should be led by your child a lot earlier then you are thinking, from 2 onwards they will be interested in all sorts of food and should be free to have whatever they like (within reason), by all means stay veggie at home, and teach him about where food comes from and different beliefs, but don't force your choices on them when he is outside the house.

The way some Vegans and Vegetarians speak and make a fuss indoctrination is a fair description. Some councils eg Oxford only serving plant based mush at receptions for ideological reasons.
Replacing meat only to need to administer synthetic manufactured 'supplements' seems pointless and introducing a new set of risks.

It’s not indoctrination in my experience but a conscience. I can’t eat animals because I adore them. I couldn’t eat my pet dog, I see no difference between eating him or eating a pig or a goat. I respect that they have lives, are conscious, can certainly feel pain and fear and couldn’t inflict that on any animal. I also couldn’t eat flesh and tissue.

In my humble view the indoctrination is the other way around, that we have somehow been gas lighted into accepting such barbarity.

My own sarcasm recognition system had a failure this morning upthread. I’d like to think I’d have caught this one though - bean burger wielding menace is so descriptive !!

Could you please share these studies? Genuinely interested.

Fair points, but I don’t think that’s what OP is advocating here.

I agree that it’s fair for you to choose whilst he’s literally a baby but all I’d say when talking to both your parents is to think carefully about how far you’re going to broach the hardline on it. It depends on how close I guess you are anyway but it sounds like from posters urging no contact over this that it’s a going to come to a choice between your child growing up with a wider family and eating meat.

I’m not saying that means you should just cave and let them give them meat but rather suggesting that you need to outline what the consequences of them pushing you on this could be for the family. They clearly (I hope) don’t think this issue would mean not seeing their grandchild and maybe they would back off if they knew how upset you really were.

OP - your issue is that you think others might break your food, and other rules.

If you don’t trust people. Don’t leave your child.

No one really cares about your food views as long as you are a safe/non abusing parent.

Tho your “old enough to make own choices” is kind of funny.

I’m surprised about Buddhists!

It’s not a complete contradiction at all. I am saying when he is old enough and can decide for himself, that’s fine. However at this stage I don’t want him eating meat so I’d be upset if my parents or in laws went against my wishes. There’s no conteadiction here. One situation is now, and the other is in the future when he has the ability to express for himself what he would like to eat

Definitely do whatever suits you and your family. I've had to make a lot of parenting choices that others dont agree with. I had a clear idea of the way I would parent but this simply didn't suit the child I have so I've had to adapt. People often have opinions and I always listen but if it isn't right for my family I say thanks for the advice, glad it works for you but im going in a different direction!

@BlueFlint e.g.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2903695/

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/359124159Theimportanceofmeatforcognitivedevelopment

There are loads. I haven't checked if these were the same ones I read 6 months or so ago, but I generally have avoided listening to studies sponsored by "the meat association of Idaho", etc where there are obviously going to be vested interests. ** Editing to remove the first link I originally shared as this was the one I remembered from before as actually being funded by the Beef Council of Idaho!!! Lol, may not be totally reliable source.

I don't think it is IMPOSSIBLE to raise a child healthily as a vegetarian, but for my children I do prioritise giving them plenty of good quality meat as it seems this is the easiest way for them to thrive. I also believe in as varied a diet as possible (obv excluding junk from that).

One line of my research was also around ADHD as I have some suspicions one of mine may be diagnosed when older. Iron store levels are correlated with ADHD symptoms in childhood. Obviously meat is a great source of iron.

All this is not to say that OP shouldn't make her own decisions about her own children.

It's not rubbish. A relative is a qualified nutritional therapist and says that vegetarian diet is hard to get right if you don't know what you are doing, especially as a lot of people are lactose intolerant.

It’s about trust, and boundary setting. If you aren’t firm and clear with some people from the outset, they take the piss and you can end up with much bigger problems down the line. You have to proactively manage them.

If they disregard your wishes today, how else will they undermine you in the future? And they won’t respect you. On what basis is that a healthy relationship?

Yeah eating animals is completely wrong and no human should be doing this when they have other food sources available. I was veggie as a child and have been vegan for several decades. My child is vegan and healthy. A plant based diet is the healthiest. Animals are not food but sadly many people have been indoctrinated to think they are.

I didn’t say don’t be firm, or mention anything about the relationship sounding healthy in my post. Simply that it’s a lot to cut contact with family immediately without a proper conversation with them, outlining that the consequence of their actions could be no contact, which is what previous posters have suggested.

The OP clearly doesn’t trust either set of parents, or wouldn’t be so upset at the thought of them sneaking meat to the baby, but it’s one thing to voice your upset and see if some understanding can be reached and the relationship repaired for the sake of a child growing up with no extended family, and another thing entirely to simply end the relationship.

I wouldn’t be trusting them to feed dc without you. Absolutely not. They have been very disrespectful.

The indoctrination presumably started seven to ten thousand years ago, with those pesky mesolithic cave drawings of man skewering antelope with a pointy rock. Sadly my cat didn't get the memo.

It is though, because you are saying at 4 he still won't have autonomy about what he is allowed to eat, and I think that is the contradiction to be honest.

Saying he can do what he likes, but not until he is "old enough".. how old is old enough? 2 year + can understand a lot more than you think (not as a baby like he is now obviously, you are right to stick to your guns with regards to your family) and IMO should be allowed to experience all manner of things, especially when it will be so readily on offer outside of your house, forcing them to comply with your beliefs rather than have autonomy themselves, seems so wrong IMO, I don't think any kids should be burdened to maintain their parents beliefs, until they are old enough to choose to follow those beliefs which is the opposite of what you are doing.

By all means live as vegetarians at home, and teach them all they need to know to make decisions, but forcing your beliefs on them instead of letting them have autonomy is wrong IMO (and is the exact reason your parents are wrong for trying to make him try meat at the age he is now).

A plant based diet is the healthiest.

Only if it is nutritionally balanced and the vegan is taking B12 supplements.

There are some people who simply don't absorb non haem iron well and no amount of supplements are as good as eating a food that contains haem iron.

Most people can thrive on a plant or vegetarian diet, but it isn't a one size fits all.

Meat eaters, what would you do if your child aged 6 came to you and said they wanted to be vegetarian? Would you let them?

I have no children and I’m a meat eater so I have no skin in this game but I’m seeing so much hypocrisy on these threads.

Meat eaters, what would you do if your child aged 6 came to you and said they wanted to be vegetarian? Would you let them?

Yes, absolutely, and I did. As a family we eat far less meat than we used to.

DD excelled in her GCSEs and A levels, achieved a first class STEM degree and has just been accepted on to a competitive masters course. Being vegetarian hasn't held her back at all.