Family is against me for not feeding baby meat

[Foxtails]

Sorry if this has been brought up before, but could do with some advice please.

8 month old baby, stopped breastfeeding at 6 months. So far I have not fed anything with meat in it and do not plan to. I am vegetarian and have been for 8 years. DH is not veggie but does eat veggie meals in the house with me (his choice). For now, while my son has no way to make his own decisions, I won’t be feeding him meat. Once he is old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. We will always have vegetarian meals in the house but if he wants to eat it outside of the house that’s up to him and there will be no judgement from me.

It seems like absolutely none of my family members can accept this. My mum, dad, grandparents and also DHs parents have expressed to me how they think this is wrong. I have told them that as long as he is fed and is healthy then there really is no problem, and it’s up to me how I do this. It’s got to the point where it’s being brought up almost every time I see anyone because they are so so against it. I feel attacked. They are telling me not to force my views upon my child, but isn’t that what all parents do?! People parent their children how they think is best and in line with what they agree with. Everyone does this.

I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and feeling like i can’t go and see anyone without them starting this argument with me and I worry that they will feed him meat behind my back. Please could I have some advice on what to do and how to handle this? Has anyone been in this position?

I have raised two happy healthy veggie children from babies and it is a pain having relatives who don't agree. My advice would be to treat it like any other decision that you have made for your child. Don't get drawn into having the discussion again and again. You have explained once and that is enough. If they bring it up say ' we've been over this before' or 'please don't let's have this discussion again we don't want to fall out'. Plus lots of eye rolling or saying 'bingo' to your dh with a laugh.

If they threaten to feed meat when told not to you need to calmly say 'well he won't be able to stay over with you then if you can't respect our rules'.

I had to tackle this with my in-laws along with how stupid I was for using reusable nappies and how I was being abusive for not letting my babies have chocolate buttons.

And to those of you who don't agree with this choice - you don't have to agree it's not your child. We all make decisions on behalf our own children about everything, it's normal.

Good luck

Your baby, your choice, so long as the baby is getting enough nutrients.
You need to be aware of iron - they specifically need iron dense foods after the age of 6 months as their bodily reserves have depleted by that age.
I’m sure you are aware of how to combine food groups to ensure you get the full range of essential amino acids (if you don’t, please research this).

You're fine. It's ok to feed a child a vegetarian diet, harder to make sure they are getting enough B12 but sounds like you are quite aware of that. I also get why family are concerned, but as PPs have pointed out, millions of people feed their children vegetarian diets and you've already said you're happy for them to choose meat later. I also wouldn't get totally bent out of shape if someone does feed the child meat at some point though.

It's funny when people single just this out as "making decisions for them", as if giving them a name you chose and baptising them are not choices you're making without them. That's just how being a baby works...

OP has already answered this. She says when her child starts school she will tell the teachers he is veggie but there is no big deal if he wants to try meat, so I would imagine the same would be true if he wanted to try it at a friends’ house. And if he wanted a ham sandwich at home, why would she stop him ? She’s also said that the fact her DH eats veggie meals at home by choice, so it doesn't sound as though she’s about forcing her views on anyone. She just doesn’t want her son to eat meat until he’s old enough to make the choice for himself. I don’t see what the fuss is about - it’s one of many parental choices we make on behalf of our children until they can make them for themselves.

If you were freegan fruitarian they might have a point, but if kids be getting milk, cheese, eggs and a veggie diet, i dont even see a notable difference nutritionally. I admire your approach too. I was raised vegan, was veggie for twenty years, now i raise and kill my own chickens, along with growing other food. Meat eatihg is for adults to reconcile themselves with.

No, her family are ignorant and overbearing. How can you not be aware that a vegetarian diet, for babies, children and adults, is a perfectly normal and mainstream choice.

Not feeding a baby meat will not cause issues longer term. OP has already said that when her child is older and wants to try some meat, she will be OK with that so he won't be reprimanded if he tries some meat at a friend's house.

Her vegetarianism is an ethical choice but she has done some research and is also confident that this diet is also healthier for her baby.

That’s exactly it. Even though I’ve told them and shown them that it will be a healthy diet, it doesn’t matter to them. Their problem for some reason is just that I’m “forcing my beliefs” on them and they think that’s cruel to take something away from him because of my own views

Why should the default correct position be that people eat meat. Your idea that people should choose to do so is much more sensible. You don't eat it, you don't prepare it, you don't have it in the house. So why would you give it to your baby. I'm pretty sure there aren't many babies tucking into pureed filet mignon with fois gras?
I'd be wary of letting them feed him when you're not present. I reckon they'd try and sneak it in. Then they'll say say, 'oh, he ate it by accident but he loves it now and keeps asking for it' even if that's clearly bollocks!

I have been veggie for 25 years. I raised my DSs eating meat, but I didn't like cooking or prepping it so they didn't get it very often. They are now teenagers and I have not cooked any meat meals for probably the last 10 years. They will eat it if they go out, but often choose a veggie option. They are more than happy with lentil dahl, nut loaf or veggie lasagne ☺️.

Why are some posters infantilising the OP by giving advice about what she should feed her baby, enquiring how she intends to replace the meat content in his diet and suggesting she get expert advice ? Vegetarianism doesn’t affect brain function and if OP has been a veggie herself for many years, then I would think she’s perfectly capable of making sure her childs’ diet is nutritionally sound.

I brought up my dd like this. Always said that she was completely free to eat meat in school/at friends' houses/at restaurants etc, but neither DH and I eat meat so we didn't eat it at home and we didn't buy it for her. As things turned out, she was a fussy eater when little so didn't fancy trying unfamiliar foods. Got less fussy as she grew up but decided she didn't want to eat meat anyway. We always made it very clear that it was her free choice and that DH and I were vegetarian as much out of habit as anything, so there were no value judgements attached.

DD is now a young adult. She has never eaten meat and says she probably never will. She's actually grateful to have grown up without it because she doesn't have a sense that she's missing out on anything. Will she change her mind in future? Who knows. Maybe, maybe not.

She's the picture of health and had less time off school for illness than most, so I can't see any evidence of her vegetarian diet having damaged her in any way!!

Feed your dc as you think fit and tell your family to back off!

There are strong feelings on both sides.

I think there are some areas where parental views are not negotiable. Stuff around safeguarding, car safety etc.

But in other ways if you want family involved in your child's life - and be able to step in if you got sick or had to go off somewhere - isn't it best to cut them a bit of slack. How much harm will a fish finger do?

If this is the hill you want to die on, that's your choice. But then you and your partner are limited to either doing all the childcare yourself and/or paying those who you trust to carry out your instructions.

Your family are being weird. Whilst not a vegetarian myself, I’m well aware that many cultures are vegetarian from birth and they don’t seem to be suffering for it!

I would understand the concern if you were advocating for a vegan diet, because no matter which way you do that, it is highly restrictive and extremely difficult to get the required nutrients without having heavily processed food.

You come across as savvy regarding nutritional needs for your baby, so can’t see the reason for their concern. It would make me worry they would disregard your wishes behind your back though. Which, by the way, I think is a pretty normal concern to have as a parent!

Sorry for a double post. I just wonder if his tummy might have a negative reaction to meat (as an entirely new form of protein) if he hasn’t tried a little bit here and there as a baby? Like how babies are fed allergens little and often now to prevent allergic reactions in future. I am aware when long term vegetarians eat meat it can cause an upset tummy - is this exacerbated if you have never eaten it at all, even as an infant? I personally would just double check with a nutritionist whether that might be an issue, so you can set him up for success in whatever lifestyle choice he makes.
But overall yes I agree with you, OP, and PP who have said some firm boundaries with overly opinionated family members are needed (unfortunately!).

Red meat and processed meat are classed as carcinogens actually.

https://www.who.int/news-room/questions-and-answers/item/cancer-carcinogenicity-of-the-consumption-of-red-meat-and-processed-meat

Parents who feed their babies ham and sausages are imposing their choices on their kids too. But it’s still their baby, their choice. We all impose our choices on our children when they are small in one way or another, it is impossible not to.

I think you should contact Heinz and see if it’s viable for them to produce fillet mignon with foil gras in a jar !! It would fly off the shelves among the yummy mummy set !!

We as humans only developed the large brains we have today due to our ancestors shifting from a plant based diet to a nutrient rich meat diet. You wouldn’t be on mumsnet right now if your ancestors had eaten the diet you are advocating for.

I should add that my DH was raised vegetarian. He ate meat for a short period in his twenties before going back to being veggie when he met me. I haven't eaten meat since I was 13. We're both in our fifties now and seem to be doing OK!!

Agree with this. I can’t tell you how sad it makes me when I see children not long out of babyhood being pushed along while they’re munching on a sausage roll.

That is awful of your child's Nanna. I would be really upset about that. Like you, I became a veggie for ethical reasons, then as I researched further, I became fully plant based for both ethical and health reasons. I would feel like they are just damaging my baby's health by sneaking them chicken or whatever . It's not just disrespectful, it's wrong (albeit they think they are doing it for the right reasons).

I've already suggested the Forks over Knives and Game Changers films (see earlier post0 for them to watch in the hope it will help them understand where you are coming from, but I just remembered there's a book by Dr Brooke Goldner's son, Solomon Tadlock, about Vegan (I know you are veggie but more in common than not) Comebacks for school kids. Good for grown ups too! You can buy it on Amazon. Dr Goldner reversed her lupus on a raw plant based diet, and her children were fully raw vegan for the first two years of their lives. 50 Comebacks For Vegan Kids : Tadlock, Solomon: Amazon.co.uk: Books

I think ultimately you have to tell them that you have done your research, you are putting your children first, and whilst you would like their appreciate their co-operation and support, a decision has been made and you expect it to be respected. xxx

I wouldn’t expect any parent to make unilateral decisions about their child without discussing with the other parent but sure, if OP’s husband wants to start feeding their son meat he can discuss this with OP and they can make a decision together.

The grandparents’ situation is different - they’re views don’t hold equal importance to those of the parents’ and they shouldn’t expect to be consulted on an equal basis.

And yet I am on MN, coming from a long line of veggie doctors and engineers with large brains. My dad was a doctor who approved a veggie diet for my DC.

What garbage.

Homemade sauge rolls aren't processed. My son loves them!

I think the problem is they might confuse vegetarian and vegan. The latter IS not healthy for children because they miss out on too many nutriments. Vegetarian is fine. Just tell them the pediatrician said it was fine.

@CustardCreams2 I eat meat every day. But I choose to. I wouldn't expect my vegetarian mum to feed me meat as a baby. It's her baby, her choice. There are myriad reasons why people don't eat meat. Hundreds of millions of people don't. Their brains are just as big as meat eaters?