To request no more photos are taken of me?

[mrlistersgelfbride]

I'm almost 40.
I've aged terribly over the last 18 months or so.
It's so depressing seeing photos of myself that others have taken I'm actually having a little cry tonight because of it.

My under eyes are all wrinkly and puffy and my eyes are sunken. One side of my face seems to have drooped a little too!
I've always had a very large nose, I meant to get surgery when I was young but I never did and it never put men off when I was young which surprised me. ..and now I have DD I'd rather spend the money on something else.

But quite often friends take photos of me and post them online. And over the last year the photos of me have been hideous!
I've seen a few different groups of friends over the weekend and a couple of group photos where taken.
I look dreadful. My friends are similar age but I'm definitely the ugly duckling. They haven't aged hardly at all.
I'm only a 10-12 and I look terribly dumpy and fat. Some of my friends are an 18 and they don't look fat.
What's the secret? Day dresses? I usually wear tops jumpers and jeans or trousers.
I've asked friends to delete the photos, as I've done in the past, but they haven't and often say 'oh you look fine'. And leave them on social media.

Also my boss sometimes takes photos for work and I look awful then and I dread it too!

Can I request that no one takes my photo again? How? Has anyone done this? I'm actually thinking of not going out socially for a while because of it.

I'm saving for Botox but it's expensive.
I'm a kind funny person and I'd rather be known for that. I'm happy not having to look at myself!

And by the way I do the usual, have a healthy diet, exercise and drink water. I try to get sleep but I often wake up naturally after 6 hours.
Always been like that.
I probably do look permanently tired.

Is there anything I can do?

Sorry this is a very garbled post. Thanks if you read to the end!

I look like a bag of spanners in photos as well but you know what?

I'd rather have that photo to look back on than rely on my (ever decreasing) memory, even if I look like an ogre in it

Ok, I see your point and am in general agreement. You certainly will be middle aged, though! Your specialist was wrong.

As someone who hates their photos too, I would say, kindly, that you just need to toughen up. Ignore the photos, and get on with enjoying your life. I'm in my 60s now. Believe me, you will look back and wondet how on earth you let such trivia get you down. Also you will see that you do not look hideous as you now believe, but perfectly fine for the age you are!

I also only did it for me, as the only photos I’m generally in are with my husband and on our travels, I don’t have any children. But having photos of treasured memories is important to me, and I wanted to feel good in them and as I go about life. If you’re happy being unhappy with how you look then crack on and ask for no photos.

Tbh I still think the no photos thing is weird - you look like you do regardless of the photos. I don’t really look that good now, but I feel better about myself and present more confidently and that makes me happier!

It’s also not as high maintenance as it sounds - a year on and it’s one hourly appointment a month and two hours a quarter and 15 mins a day.

Good for you. I do not want my photograph being taken. And once i have said "no" and people start that wheedling thing? I will ruin your photo.

my main goal is to be there for my children too .
After that it’s each to their own. Shouldn’t we all do what makes us happy.
Most go through periods of feeling rubbish about themselves .
OP can change things if it’s for herself and to make herself feel better.

Personally I hate pics too and I censor which ones have to be kept or deleted and in certain cases I refuse that’s my right .

@mrlistersgelfbride the answer is YES you can say NO

Ultimately what you really have to remember is, you can be fat, thin, ugly or beautiful but it won't be those things you are judged upon as a person after the first 3 minutes.

Everyone looks and takes in for the first 3 minutes your appearance but for the rest of the interaction you will be judged on your personality and for those that know you and are looking at you on Facebook or instagram - they will be your friend for who you are not those first 3 minutes

If one side of your face has dropped noticeably, you should definitely see your GP. Genetically, you’re following your mum if she doesn’t photograph well. You need to think about techniques to photograph better, maybe experiment with a kind friend? Do you think you might have body dysmorphia?

I also hate how I look in photos and am torn between wanting a visual reminder that I just, y'know, existed, and not wanting a visual reminder how disgusting I look.

Wow, I've not been on Mumsnet much today ...I didn't expect this thread to gain so much momentum!
Thank you to everyone who replied.

To answer a few questions, I've always had low self esteem. It ebbs and flows. I've had all kinds of counseling and training I'm not quite sure how to fix it.
And lookswise, I'm kind of an acquired taste shall we say.
If I was a man I'd be handsome! I just have strong features that don't come across well in photos. I think I am definitely someone who is not photogenic as some people have described they are in replies.

I think I am going to think about positioning and posture and try to stand close to the back when photos are taken. Behind someone at least! That's if I don't think to offer to take a photo of the group first which is a great idea.

I checked a photo from the weekend again. The way my friends are stood, it's kind of like I'm a the oddest angle - exposed - and the others are behind each other. It's definitely unflattering of me but if I was stood in a different place on the photo it wouldn't be as bad.

The other ones photos are awful and I can't see them differently.
My face has changed on one side. In particular, it's one eye that seems to have aged with very crepey undereyes, worse than the other. Whilst I will try and get more sleep and drink water. I'm wondering if anyone has any miracle product recommendations for crepey undereyes?
I have also booked a skin consultant at the beauticians . I'll see what they can suggest to me.
My hairs the shortest I've ever had it so I may let it grow a bit too. And trying to loose a few pounds before Christmas!

Lots of posters mentioned relatives and friends who have now passed, and in some cases few photos exist of them...this is sad.
And struck a chord. I don't want my daughter and friends to have no 'physical' memories of me. So while I'm not a photograph person and will try to avoid some of them, I won't avoid photos completely.

Thank you x

Tretinoin is good for mild wrinkles and creppiness. If things are worse on one side more than the other it could be because you sleep on that side more than the other. I had to buy a special side/face-sleeping pillow because one side of my face was taking longer and longer to iron out after waking up 😬

I always said I'd defy even David Bailey to take a decent photo of me, I'm happy with what I see in the mirror, but I have now decided I just won't look at any photos of me because they are so unflattering, maybe this is the answer for you ? 🥰

This 👆 It’s very obvious that the problem isn’t how you look, but how you view yourself 💐

Do you drive a lot, or spend time sitting at a desk beside a window? That might account for the difference in the sides of your face.

I hate getting my photos took. I look horrible. My nanna was the same and once she passed we all had very few photos of her. I wished I got some of her and myself and children, and i'm gutted as now it's too late. This is why I never refuse to go in someone's photos. I don't want my children to feel the regret I do.

I too look awful in photographs, so I sympathise. If you look on YouTube you can find videos on how to stand or sit in photos so that you give your best side and/or look slimmer. That might help.

But you look the same in real life no? You might as well ask people to stop looking at you if you do this!

I have two long standing friends, who are both lovely people but are really ugly, which is rare, just as being really beautiful is. When we used to see each other frequently, I was completely unaware of this because people are so different when they are animated. I only noticed it when we started meeting online, with lots of photos. They are still lovely people.
This is where a good photographer is worth their money - somehow they can bring out the loveliness, and make the ugliness into just 'an interesting character'.

My external drive has over 5000 photos and I'm not in one of them!

I’m a size 16 so am fat then!

I was always happy with photos when I was younger now think ugh! Doesn't bother me though, I'm just one of many in a group usually and assume it's a scroll past and not zooming in! X

I’m not at all photogenic and disliked having my photo taken.

However I had the opportunity to do a photoshoot with a professional photographer and make up artist. The results were amazing. It’s a great confidence booster. Also made me realise that with the right make up, lighting and camera work anyone can look good.

OP I sympathise hugely! I am 60 but had DCs late in life - early 40s. I think I was always reasonably slim and not bad looking until then - but everything went downhill fast! I don't know if it was the early menopause, the giving up work to have children, actually having DCs, or just entering middle age, but I certainly had a swift and unreversible change from OK to saggy and wrinkly.....

I hate how I look now - and my DCs can't recognise me from older photos! But I just have to accept that I haven't aged well, and get on with life. Would I like to be more attractive - yes! Does it actually affect my life - no. DH laughs that our eyesight gets worse as we age so we still find our partners attractive - he may have a point.......😂

As PPs have said - in ten years time you'll think you look great now. Take lots of photos, embrace life and ignore the pics you're less keen on.

Because people like/love you and want memories of you? Nobody cares about how you look. That's why I take pics anyway and I don't post if people feel strongly. I'm sure you look fine in reality. 🌺

I hate photos of me too, but I’ve learnt to appreciate the bigger picture (no pun intended). Sadly my best friend passed away suddenly and all her friends and children have to remember her is memories because she refused photos. Her children just wanted to see her face but they can’t. I’ve learnt from that and now I look at the picture, the snapshot of a moment in time and not the double chin or the weird smile or my grey hair. Because one day those photos will be all that’s left and my kids will want to see all my imperfections.