To request no more photos are taken of me?

[mrlistersgelfbride]

I'm almost 40.
I've aged terribly over the last 18 months or so.
It's so depressing seeing photos of myself that others have taken I'm actually having a little cry tonight because of it.

My under eyes are all wrinkly and puffy and my eyes are sunken. One side of my face seems to have drooped a little too!
I've always had a very large nose, I meant to get surgery when I was young but I never did and it never put men off when I was young which surprised me. ..and now I have DD I'd rather spend the money on something else.

But quite often friends take photos of me and post them online. And over the last year the photos of me have been hideous!
I've seen a few different groups of friends over the weekend and a couple of group photos where taken.
I look dreadful. My friends are similar age but I'm definitely the ugly duckling. They haven't aged hardly at all.
I'm only a 10-12 and I look terribly dumpy and fat. Some of my friends are an 18 and they don't look fat.
What's the secret? Day dresses? I usually wear tops jumpers and jeans or trousers.
I've asked friends to delete the photos, as I've done in the past, but they haven't and often say 'oh you look fine'. And leave them on social media.

Also my boss sometimes takes photos for work and I look awful then and I dread it too!

Can I request that no one takes my photo again? How? Has anyone done this? I'm actually thinking of not going out socially for a while because of it.

I'm saving for Botox but it's expensive.
I'm a kind funny person and I'd rather be known for that. I'm happy not having to look at myself!

And by the way I do the usual, have a healthy diet, exercise and drink water. I try to get sleep but I often wake up naturally after 6 hours.
Always been like that.
I probably do look permanently tired.

Is there anything I can do?

Sorry this is a very garbled post. Thanks if you read to the end!

This just can't be true. Like a pp writes, what about when you look back now at photos years ago, which you didn't like at the time.

I would echo this. I also absolutely hate having my photo taken, and even more so post meno , for the OP reasons but there is a little part of me that thinks in the future if I look back I’ll have zero memories of my son and I, my partner and I, or my friends , so I take the photos, maybe untag myself on social media, but I am trying to embrace the ‘my friends are happy here with me having their photo taken!’ . But I hear you

I always look demented in photos and always have. The camera hates my face. Luckily I am now of the age where whoever takes a group shot runs a bunch of filters over it before sticking it on social media, so I now just look a bit indistinct and blurry

I don’t Botox is going to help you OP because there are so many things about yourself that you dislike.

I suspect a more productive use of the mo eh would be a good counsellor where you can figure out why your self esteem is so low.

There are lots of us that generally look shit in photos 😂🤷‍♀️ I don’t do filters or digital meddling so I look even worse in my own snaps.

But that’s ok. I do what I need to every day to feel as good as I can in my own skin. I’m never going to be a supermodel and probably will always look a bit shit in photos. But I’m in the photos. In years to come I’ll remember that I was there on that night and it will be a lovely memory.

A good friend of mine died recently. Suddenly. Unexpectedly. He was in his 40s. We have barely any photos together and I was gutted. I don’t want to be that person who’s never seen after she dies. Some things are bigger than an unflattering photo and I try and hold that in my mind.

You have a little girl so to put it bluntly, you’re obviously not that unattractive!! I would bet we’d all see you very differently to how you see yourself.

Say NO more pictures, please!
Have a glasses, moustache mask or a covid mask in your hand bag which you wear to every party until your friends heed your request.

I get what you mean about looking fat. I’m a size ten, sometimes an eight, and always manage to look massive! I think it’s where you carry your weight - so boobs and tummy make you look larger than you are!

I'm a kind funny person and I'd rather be known for that.

A couple of years ago someone said I had "a kind face" and that really stuck with me. Of all the things we strive for and fixate on looks-wise, how nice to have something ageless and positive as being kind. And funny too. These are the best qualities and much more fundamental to who you are and your worth as a person. It's what your friends see which is why they want to capture memories with you and can't see an issue with it.

I'm 10 years older than you and have the one side of face droopier thing and definitely dumpier at size 16, but it's how I look and I know looking back when I'm older I'll think I looked okay and wonder why I wasted any time worrying about it.

I'm not saying you're wrong to have these insecurities. We all do. But if you can try to give them less headspace and actively try to give less of a crap about photos online then you will be happier. Think more about your positive points and the fun you've had with your friends and don't waste your money on Botox or nose jobs. Especially with a dd.

Post a pic and let's see 🤣

I feel the same, but now I think it is a shame as there are virtually no pictures of me with my grandchildren. Now I have lost a lot of weight I don’t mind pictures being taken of me, especially with my DGC, but I remain unphotogenic! But in the future I am sure they will want to see pictures. I regret not having many pics of my grandparents and none on the paternal side.

Wrong thread

There are pretty much no photos of me as I’m so avoidant. I’ve been known to literally run if someone pulls out their phone to take one. It’s pathological and steeped in some trauma so I honestly understand. The advent of phone cameras has been a complete nightmare for those of us who hate our photos being taken.

Im so awkward in photos. I don't like I actually look bad but I take an awful photo because I hate having it taken I just look uncomfortable. Most of my friends know that now and I just offer to take photos instead or they wait until I'm drunk as I don't care then.

I'd offer to take the photos if I were you.

I bet you don't look half as bad as you feel though. But at 40, maybe it's time for you to start taking care of your skin etc. I recently got my mum started on using tretinoin at 67 and her skin looks fantastic.

We think we look worse in photos than we do. This is partly because people are much more critical of themselves than others, and partly because people are used to looking in the mirror - when they are fully groomed and subconsciously will choose flattering poses; e.g. tilting head up to avoid a hint of a double chin - rather than being caught on the hop.

If there's a photo of you on a night out with your mouth gaping open mid-laugh, bright red face because the lighting has under-exposed you and seemingly awful posture because you're leaning over to speak to your friend, it's easy to think that's what you 'look like' but a snapshot in time is not representative of your general appearance.

I think it's bad manners to post your photo online without your permission. I wouldn't like that either.

I agree with others saying that you sound highly self critical. Maybe practice noticing what you do like about your appearance/body. It's hard when we are surrounded by unrealistic images.

I'm going to give some practical suggestions to help with how you deal with how you feel.
Facebook does allow you to stop tagged photos appearing on your timeline which may help in part.
Improving your sleep may help your skin, you could try ashwagandha which helps relieve stress and makes you sleepy. Also magnesium at bedtime, in the morning b vitamins, and an omega supplement as they also helps sleep.
Skin - get a good eye cream which reduces bags and dark circles, and a YSL Touche Éclat works wonders.
Tummy - you may be carrying visceral fat, increasing your fibre intake really helps this.
Your friends don't see what you see, and they love having you in the photos and want to remember those happy get togethers.

I'm not photogenic. A handful of times over the years conditions have been just right, and I treasure those pics. I don't think I'm vain, I don't look at my reflection all day, but it does grate that I'm not photogenic. For the most part I just don't look at pics though, I don't ask anyone not to take it, i just know the outcome won't be for me. It's the same for me with the mirrors at work. At home I look fine at work I look tired and dishevelled. Somehow the world gets on with this other version of me just fine!

Most of us think we look odd in photos because it's unusual for someone to have a symmetrical face, so the image that the camera picks up (which is what everyone else sees) is not the same as the reverse-image we're used to seeing in the bathroom mirror .
Also the usual reaction when standing in front of a mirror is to stand a little straighter and suck in your tummy, but this is not really how people stand, generally, so an unguarded photo will often catch us looking a little frumpy.
I found peace with the fact that I am, objectively speaking, "plain" while I was quite young, and I don't see the point in stressing it. If I was happy to go out in public like that, then why get worried about a photo of it?

What's the secret?

The secret is that they are taking the photos so they can make sure they look good before they post them.

And with a selfie the photographer is right at the front of the photo so dominating it (not in a bad way) and will instinctively make sure they look good before they take it.

I bet if you looked at a sample of five group photos of an evening out and took a good look at the people who weren't posting them, they would look good in some, ordinary in some and bad in some. Same as you.

I also fee the same as you. No advice but you are not alone.

I'm like this too photos of me just don't look nice. But like @BarbaraHoward I've found I like photos when I'm looking back. So photos of me 10 years ago I hated at the time, but now they're the memories of those events and I'm glad I'm in them. So now I get the photos taken but don't really focus on them. In 10 years time when I'm older and wrinkling I'll look back on them and be glad I have them. I wouldn't say i look great in the mirror either, but I look nicer then I do in photos. I've tried a few times over the years and I just can't smile at the right time in the right way, my face looks much worse in repose, my arms look fatter, my belly seems more obvious, but none of those things will matter that much in 10 years time.

I went through several years of avoiding photographs when I was younger. I regret it now. I don't have a real record of that time. I really didn't look as terrible as I thought I did, and part of the reason I didn't always look good was just the result of untrained people taking snapshots on film. The exposure was wrong half the time, so it made you look somewhat ill.

I’m sure you’re perfectly lovely just as you are and that your friends are pleased to have you in their photos for the memories.
Instead of saving for Botox (it only lasts a few weeks) why not treat yourself to a colour consultation and shape/style analysis with a personal stylist instead? Learn your colours and how to dress for your body shape - this will make you feel more confident and help you present your best self. You’d be surprised at how wearing the wrong colours can drain your face and the right ones can brighten and highlight. I had mine done recently and when I wear black I look horrendous, navy is much kinder to me. I had loads of black in my wardrobe!
But above all of that please be kind to yourself, negative talk to yourself is not healthy nor helpful. I’m sure none of your friends and family would describe you as an ugly duckling nor fat and frumpy.

I know you won't believe me but at least to some extent this will be in your head. I absolutely hate photos of myself and it is a fact I'm not that photogenic, carry weight on tummy too and size 12 but always look bigger think maybe bad posture?
On holiday with my daughter I sent my mum a photo of us both and said DD hates the photo of herself she's so silly. Mums like you always say the same! And it's true and she looked lovely in the photo.
Your own perception of your self in photos will be skewed, that said if you don't want photos taken then don't I also actively avoid them

You mentioned you thought one side of your face had drooped. and someone else above mentioned a possible medical condition. Do you have someone who could give you an unbiased truth about changes in your face because if they really are as you described there could be a medical reason behind it worth a chat with your GP.

You've asked that they delete the photos of you they post online, which the twats don't, but how about making it clear you don't want to be in the photos in the first place? Simply say "I don't want my photo online so please don't post photos with me in them", and if they do the whole "Oh you look fine, don't be silly", say "I find it distressing being in photos, and I do not want to be online. I really don't want to fall out over this so please respect my wishes on this". They need to be told that even though they don't understand and see no harm, that it'll damage your relationship with them if they go against what you're asking.