To request no more photos are taken of me?

[mrlistersgelfbride]

I'm almost 40.
I've aged terribly over the last 18 months or so.
It's so depressing seeing photos of myself that others have taken I'm actually having a little cry tonight because of it.

My under eyes are all wrinkly and puffy and my eyes are sunken. One side of my face seems to have drooped a little too!
I've always had a very large nose, I meant to get surgery when I was young but I never did and it never put men off when I was young which surprised me. ..and now I have DD I'd rather spend the money on something else.

But quite often friends take photos of me and post them online. And over the last year the photos of me have been hideous!
I've seen a few different groups of friends over the weekend and a couple of group photos where taken.
I look dreadful. My friends are similar age but I'm definitely the ugly duckling. They haven't aged hardly at all.
I'm only a 10-12 and I look terribly dumpy and fat. Some of my friends are an 18 and they don't look fat.
What's the secret? Day dresses? I usually wear tops jumpers and jeans or trousers.
I've asked friends to delete the photos, as I've done in the past, but they haven't and often say 'oh you look fine'. And leave them on social media.

Also my boss sometimes takes photos for work and I look awful then and I dread it too!

Can I request that no one takes my photo again? How? Has anyone done this? I'm actually thinking of not going out socially for a while because of it.

I'm saving for Botox but it's expensive.
I'm a kind funny person and I'd rather be known for that. I'm happy not having to look at myself!

And by the way I do the usual, have a healthy diet, exercise and drink water. I try to get sleep but I often wake up naturally after 6 hours.
Always been like that.
I probably do look permanently tired.

Is there anything I can do?

Sorry this is a very garbled post. Thanks if you read to the end!

I tried doing this when my weight crept up a few years ago but still got random family pics of me in circulation (one that sticks in my mind a rather unflattering one of me at nephews birthday bbq sitting with my son eating, I looked like a fucking barrell)

I spent years hating my photo being taken. But, when I've looked back I don't know why I was so funny about having it done as the photos are ok. I have decided now, at the age of 52 and really looking it, to embrace photos. Thankfully my dd takes quite a few, mainly with pets which I don't know about at the time, otherwise no one would have any record of me 🤣

But, it is a hard thing to embrace when you feel so self conscious about it, so I do understand.

You are in your 30s and size 10 to 12. Read that again. Have you ever had therapy very kind?

This.

Other people don't see you that way and just want a photo to remember you by. When you look back on those photos in the future you'll wonder what you were bothered about because they'll look fine - that has been my experience.

Some of us are just not photogenic so I do think this is possible.

I would say the two biggest things that will change your appearance are normally your hair and your teeth.

When they do the make overs on tv they always leave the air until last for the dramatic affect - it really does change your appearance more than botox or fillers

Its ok to feel the way you do, but if you want to change your appearance then id really suggest looking at your hair style and your hair dresser.

I hate being photographed too OP. No advice but I hear you!

I can really relate to a lot of what you say - although I don't feel as ugly as you seem to feel. I'm sure you don't look anywhere near as bad as you think you do!
I, too, look awful in photos. I actually feel depressed when I see photos of me. It can ruin my day!
I also understand the thing about looking fatter in photos than your friends who are several sizes bigger than you. People don't believe this can happen, but it's true!! I'm a tall size 12 with a healthy BMI but in photos, I can look fatter than friends who are several sizes bigger. It's partly because my face is a little fat (out of proportion to my body) and that makes you look fatter in photos. My larger friends have slim faces. Also I have no muscle so any excess weight is just fat. I can look a little doughy.
I avoid photos as much as i can but sometimes it's impossible. We go away a lot with my in-laws. They are always taking loads of photos and then sharing then on WhatsApp. If i can see I'm in a photo, I delete it before opening it.
Where I work, for some reason, they hire a professional photographer every couple of months to do all our photos. I have no idea why!!! Drives me mad. After some awful photos of me, I now simply refuse. I have one selfie I took that's acceptable, and I use that for work purposes.

Just stop having your photo taken.Tell them to stop.
And come off social media if friends are using your photos which they shouldn't without your permission.

Surely everyone hates the way they look in photos, just like everyone hates the sound of their own voice on a recording!

I’m in a fat phase (genuinely, not a size 12 😄) and since having DD it really shows in my face, which used to be my reliable good bit of my body!! Hamster cheeks. So have had some terrible photos put up on social media the last couple of years.

People should definitely ask before posting. Don’t let it stop you doing stuff though. Do it fat/old/sad/insecure! Adopt a ‘take me as I am’ attitude.

Also maybe it’s a placebo but I definitely see a massive difference in my skin when I regularly do my skincare and face yoga!

I had similar recently, but photos are really important to me (in a personal way, not an instagram way) so not having them wasn’t an option.

So I did something about it. I spent a few hundred pound and:

• got my colours done so I know what suits me best
• went online, did my measurements and found out my body shape
• went to a John Lewis personal shopper appt and found out how to dress for my body shape
• got a professional bra fitting
• went to a local private dermatologist and got a skin care routine recommended
• watched lots of YouTube videos on how to do make up when you are ageing and overhauled my make up routine
• started getting my hair cut and coloured every 3 months
• started getting my nails done every month

Most of it was one of stuff, and I am refusing to get anything injectable etc - but honestly I now think I look the best I have in years, and even if it’s a confidence/delusion thing it’s definitely done the trick!

This is a wonderful post which nails it.

My mum died last year. She would never be in photos. I always thought she looked great but she worried about her make up being wrong, her face having wrinkles, her hair not being right, her looking old. As a result whenever family took photos she'd say "don't get me in it" and cover her face or get upset so we had to leave her out.

Now I have almost no photos of her. A couple my dad managed to take when she was much younger. But me with her, her in recent years, her with my adult children beyond when they were tiny, not one. And that's so sad. I worry I will forget what she looked like. I wish I had those reminders of our times together. Because to me what she looked like was the most amazing mum.

Don't be that person. Those around you who love you will see you very differently to how you're seeing yourself. Let them have their pictures of you and let them enjoy the joy they will get from them.

Botox might not make you feel better. It froze my face and was so bad. Look into different facials etc I would definitely recommend going to get a consultation for natural subtle changes to make you look younger and feel better. Loads of places do it on Klarna so you can pay it off over 3 months

Please don't avoid photographs. My mum always did, saying she looked fat and old. Any event with cameras out and she'd be on guard and ready to dive for cover. In her mid 60s she started to feel really tired, went to the doctors, was diagnosed with leukemia and was dead within 2 weeks. I have so few photos of her, you'd think she didn't attend loads of things we did together.

If someone cares enough about you to want to record that you were there, let them. You look how you look. You don't need to look at the photos. One day someone that loves you will want to look at them and remember that day.

Instead of avoiding photos altogether, be the one that suggests a photo first, and use your phone to get the pic. Either you take the pic, which avoids you being in it, or ask that someone else takes the pic but using your phone. That way you can control what happens to the pic. If someone asks you to send them the pics, if you're not happy with how you look in it, you can edit it by cropping yourself out of it or by blurring yourself a bit. If they post it on social media you don't need to worry then. If other people take group pics with you in it, just look away when the pic is taken. I look at photos of my mum when she was younger. So beautiful but she was very self conscious and wouldn't look towards the camera, always glancing away. Actually looks more natural anyway.

Do you wear make up? That would help cover your dark circles and you could contour your nose to make it look a bit smaller.

I’ve had this problem since I started becoming more social and I am a size 18.

I’ve discovered that I look a lot better if I’ve got fresh lipstick on so I always make people wait till I’ve reapplied it. I also dress well for my size. I wear waisted dresses mostly. I’ve often been told people can’t believe my size/weight.

I just dont photograph well. Big nose, no chin lol. I'm never going to win miss universe but I've realised a lot of it is a me issue and most people dont care. I have a partner who I love and loves me so that's what matters.

Also my mum hates pictures of herself, always says no or hides. I'm really sad I have so few of her as to me she's stunning! So now I always get in the picture and smile. I dont have to look at it but in years to come Ill appreciate the memory and so will my kids.

I feel your pain, I don't have 1 nice photo. I have the filter on my FB that people have to request to add a photo to my timeline and I generally deny the request - I know my photos are on my friends pages but they are not on mine.

I am a small 12, I thought I had lost a lot of weight and thought I looked really slim but then I saw a photo of myself and i was like WTF

Strangely enough I feel one side of my face has drooped ever so slightly, lip looks cockeyed and eye slightly more closed than the other - maybe that's an age thing?

I just say I don’t want my photos on social media. If they push, I remind them of privacy laws and they are not to post pictures of others online without consent. To be fair, I only had to do it once.

some people just aren't photogenic. my mum is one, and I'm also like that.

Same here - I was about to say it must be genetic, but then remembered that my sister looks good in photos!

I am rarely happy with how I look in photos, even when younger I looked awkward in a pose, and in spontaneous group shots at events I'm the one with my mouth open, eyes closed, startled, etc.

A friend who is mid-70s ALWAYS looks good in photos - she has a lovely genuinely sweet smile that just photographs so well.

I've always avoided having my photo taken ever since I was a child. I think there are about 4 in existence of me as an adult. It makes me quite sad because I'm in my 40s now and can't look back at how I looked in my younger years. I bet I wasn't as fat and haggard as I felt I was at the time.

When you are in your 50s, 60s, 70s etc you will laugh at yourself for being so concerned about how you looked in your 40s.

I don't mind having photos/selfies with my children as it's mainly for them to look back on as they get older. That's fine.

Anyone else and it's a big no no. I hate it. Always have.

I am 61. Aged very well but just look awful in most photos. Not at all photogenic.