Neighbours should not look into my home?

[Happygonotlucky]

We have huge glass doors in our back extension. We got them to allow us to enjoy the view. My husband thinks we should have curtains as our neighbours can see into our kitchen/diner/family room, especially when lights are on in the evening, when they are outside in their gardens. He feels exposed/vulnerable to being watched.

I feel our neighbours should do the right thing and not stare into our home. Am I being unreasonable to not buy curtains for privacy and expect neighbours to do the right thing. One of our neighbours is a bit unfriendly and from time to time we have seen her staring and analysing our house.

Do you have curtain treatment for your glass doors? Do you care if your neighbours can see you living your life in your home? Do you think they should just do the right and polite thing and not stare and analyse what you have and are doing?

I’m still confused as to how they can see over a fence.

I don’t have curtains on our bifolds. We have neighbours at the side and not the back so no one can see in.

If they're watching you from their garden, then does that mean you can see into their garden?

Unless you've had a conversation with them, you could just be imagining that their pointing and discussing was negative. They may be wondering if they would like to do the same sort of thing with their conservatory

I have a patio door leading out from my bedroom. A sheer net curtain on it allows light in, lets me see out but would frustrate a nosy neighbour.

The gardens are lower than the houses. They are on an incline. You can look up with little effort. A fence of the height to block their view would not be permitted.

Presumably you’re also looking at them out of your lovely windows, people outdoors are entitled to their privacy too!

Of course YABU to expect your neighbours to do what you define as 'the right thing'. If you're sitting there lights on curtains open behind a floor to ceiling window, they'd have to wear blind folds not to see you wouldn't they? Obviously they shouldn't be pulling up deckchairs and getting out the popcorn, but the expectation they will avert their gaze so you can both live in a gold fish bowl, and enjoy privacy is a bit much. You and your H will either have to agree not to care or get curtains. You can't control other people.

I yeah but they know the cameras are there 😂

Not even sorry 😂😂😂

IMO unless you live in the middle on nowhere then lights on and curtains open is an invitation for me to have a good nosey inside!
If you dont want people looking in then there are tons of options to prevent it....not including policing what your neighbours do in their own back garden.

I have voile curtains at my windows and opaque film in others so nobody stares in.

While people shouldn't blatantly stare, I would say that by having your lights on and curtains open so that people can see in, is intrusive too in terms of light pollution. If someone can see in, the lights from your house are shining into their property too. As a PP said, you installed the windows and gave the neighbours the ability to see in. I'm sure they would rather not be able to look in.

We have neighbours that built a big extension with massive bi-folds that have no window treatments. If we were to "stop looking in" it would mean never looking out of our upstairs rear windows ever again. That's not fair on us - someone else's decision to have bi-folds shouldn't restrict our ability to continue living our life and looking out of our windows.

They have no privacy. They even have roof lanterns in the flat roof that has sofas underneath. If they have all the lights on, as they often do, I can see into their sofa area from my downstairs kitchen, even with fences in between us, due to the way the light reflects.

In OP's case I'd be putting up curtains/blinds to close at night when the lights are on and growing some plants along the fence line to shield the view of the house to the neighbour's garden.

Oh, but if they're deliberately looking in during the day, put one way film over the windows so you can see out but they can't see in.

You can't expect your neighbours not to look, its only natural to look at a source of light when it's getting dark. And pretty natural to glance at windows when you walk past etc.

My neighbours don't just look in my window when they're in their front garden, they wave at me sometimes

You can't dictate where people look when they are in their garden. Curtains, blinds, voiles, one way window film... there are numerous options to protect your privacy if it is an issue for you.

I’d grow some hedges then or add a trellis with plants etc

Get the privacy film
Get roller/slat blinds
Get voile

Leave them without any of the above
Divorce your husband.
Look out and wave/gesture rudely at the neighbours all day long.

OP if you've got the kind of weirdo neighbours who will deliberately stare into your house at length, then whether you think they should or shouldn't is irrelevant. You can't control what they do in their own garden - all you can control is what you do.
One of my neighbours has a full length glass window which faces the street and they have a nice, foldable screen instead of curtains/blinds. It doesn't slice your problem in terms of the view but it does give you some flexibility.
I think I'd go for strategic plant placement in the garden to shield you from view.

I'm on team DH. I don't like being in a goldfish bowl.

No wonder they are fuming staring. Without curtains perhaps you're causing them loads of light pollution?

Light pollution? I’ve read it all on here now. Now it’s immoral to have your big light on and no curtains because the neighbours will be terribly affected by light pollution from your house in a built up area.

1.) if the neighbours are outside enjoying their garden in the dark, cold winter, it would be safe to assume a party and therefore their own heat/light source.

2.) if they’re inside, it’s apparently immoral to not have curtains if you’re going to be so common as to put lights on, so then they wouldn’t be remotely affected by the ‘light pollution’ due to the efficacy of their own morally correct drapes.

If your light is shining straight into their house via their own unadorned windows, you’re both as bad as each other and so you can call it quits. They’re only one light switch away from causing you ‘light pollution’.

3.) if they like to star gaze, they wouldn’t be doing it in a built up area because street lamps…not just slatterns with big lights and big windows.

This place is brilliant. 😂 anything to lay into an OP, eh?

For god's sake, of course they are going to look. People are nosey, there is movement and light from a gigantic life size telly where they know the stars! They may not be watching constantly or intently but they will be noticing a certain amount of activity, no matter how boring you are.

Obviously ideally people shouldn't stare at anyone, in their home or not, but you can't control what other people do so if you don't like the idea if people seeing you then you need to get curtains or similar.

Your view seems to be, at least in part,into their garden. Which you did on purpose. You can't now complain that looking into their garden and seeing them looking back is a problem.

You designed this problem. Fix it or zip it.

Probably best not to build one onto your house and then sit in it, no? 🤷‍♀️

Get some voile curtains for privacy, 🙂

😂