Neighbours should not look into my home?

[Happygonotlucky]

We have huge glass doors in our back extension. We got them to allow us to enjoy the view. My husband thinks we should have curtains as our neighbours can see into our kitchen/diner/family room, especially when lights are on in the evening, when they are outside in their gardens. He feels exposed/vulnerable to being watched.

I feel our neighbours should do the right thing and not stare into our home. Am I being unreasonable to not buy curtains for privacy and expect neighbours to do the right thing. One of our neighbours is a bit unfriendly and from time to time we have seen her staring and analysing our house.

Do you have curtain treatment for your glass doors? Do you care if your neighbours can see you living your life in your home? Do you think they should just do the right and polite thing and not stare and analyse what you have and are doing?

Exactly this.

If you want to live in a fish bowl don't complain when people look in.

I would get curtains. Our living room is in the front of the house. The room has very large full length windows. When we first moved here, we didn’t have curtains and it was like living in a goldfish bowl. I just used to wave at the people who went past in the street. Of course they looked in. Most people would if they saw large windows without curtains. We got curtains after a few weeks.
Why should you neighbours have to look away when it comes naturally to look in.

Is this another of the threads that's going to vanish tonight? I need one more that I've posted on in the last two hours for a full house.

Well if I don't want people to look in i would have curtains or not a massive window

Exactly this.
If you don't want anyone looking into your house, then don't cover the whole side of it with glass. Or use blinds / curtains so that you can decide when you want to be in your goldfish bowl and when you don't.

I have your dh's discomfort of not liking the idea that I am sitting in my home with people looking in at me.

Apart from anything else, blinds and curtains help with insulation.

You can't stop people looking into your house from their own property or from anywhere that isn't your own property. When it's dark and the lights are on if someone is outside their eyes will naturally be drawn to look even just briefly.
If you want to avoid that then you need to get some type of window covering. I draw my curtains as soon as it gets dark as I hate the idea of people looking in.
I have got some next door neighbours who moved in over a year ago whose house is at right angles to mine and my drive goes in front of their house. They don't have a single blind or curtain in the downstairs so their rooms and they are completely visible from the outside when their lights are on. I initially thought it was because they hadn't got round to it but they had it all decorated shortly after they moved in so I've come to the conclusion that they simply don't care( or actively like the thought) if people see them in their kitchen, their hall, their living room or office. I see them every time I walk or drive out and their house faces up the street so anyone walking or driving down would see too. I find it bizarre.

Me too.

I’m a right nosey fucker when it comes to people’s houses, furnishings and decor.

It is natural.
We had these ridiculous sheer curtains growing up and lived on a busy street. You could see right into our living room after dark.
My mum complained constantly but never switched out the curtains. They bought the house in the 50s & sold it in the 80s with the same damn curtains.
I don’t get it. Never did.

If you don’t have curtains closed and the lights are on I assume it’s an open invitation to have a good nosey, and I do 😂

I feel I should clarify. My neighbours would only be bothered by the lights if they are out in their garden some ways and deliberately looking in our direction. There are no neighbours directly opposite. The neighbours are aligned on the sides if that makes sense. So only overlooked if people go into their gardens and look up and across.

Moreover, it's not like they are sitting and enjoying their gardens during the cold, wet autumn months. It would be purposeful looking in.

Same. I’d love to be a fly on the wall to see how others go about their day 😂

Also wouldn't having curtains defeat the purpose of being able to enjoy the view? Fair enough in the evening that is not the case but during the day, are we to keep our curtains closed to avoid the neighbours analysing our home.

Yes, analysing. I looked out of my window a couple of times and there staring, hand over eyes to block the glare of the sun so staring and analysing could be done. Finger pointing, moving around to get a better look, etc.

🙊

Yes, we have curtains over our crittal doors and picture window. Amazing at keeping the heat out in the summer and in in the winter. Makes the room so much more homey and less sparse too.

What does your garden back onto OP? Is it fields, woodland etc?

I’m just thinking more from a safety perspective. I’d rather have blinds/curtains up just because incase you have the general public having access behind your garden and can see in.

When I was a student, I lived in a house share with the back garden backing onto some allotments. We have massive French doors at the back, and one night some guy came through the allotments into the garden and tried to break in through the doors. I could see the whole thing and it was terrifying.

Get a net curtain or voile for during the day then.

Just get curtain. Your husband wants curtains, so why do you get to say no? It would be one thing if it affected you but it won’t. You can see outside when it’s dark and you’ve got lights on indoors; you mostly just see your own reflection so you won’t be losing anything to let him have the privacy he wants.

You're the type of people OP just cannot tolerate😂

I don't have any window dressings either. I won't bite you with the various reasons why not. I don't care if people look in as they walk oast, it's only natural to be drawn to the light.

you're being weird saying 'they might actively like it' implying something weird. Not caring & accepting its human nature doesn't mean we actively want people to look/watch.

Definitely agree with your husband.
I would hate hate hate to have someone staring in at me on my home environment.

Fields. You can't see from the fields because of the topography. So the only people who have a view are the neighbours and they would need to go out and into their garden at least 10-15 metres to get a good look.

I saw the neighbour on the other side looking in the other day but he just looked while he was walking back to the house. Nothing to make us feel uncomfortable. It was just natural, if that makes sense. It's the other neighbour who is a bit nefarious. It is hard to explain.

No, of course they shouldn't. But (some) have no self-control and are nosey.

I live somewhere were people unashamedly gawp into others windows. Before I moved into one of the towers and many floors above ground, I was in a block that looked onto one of the residents gardens. I love natural daylight and the light that came into the flat was beautiful, there was no way I would sit with the blinds drawn just because some of the other residents couldn't help but look in. When this happened, I liked to do one of two things -

Walk over to the windows and dramatically lower the blinds. Or even better, wave like a lunatic at them. The latter was most disarming and suggested to me by a neighbour. It works a treat. While one might wave back, most look embarrassed to have been caught looking and run off 😂

Get something you can draw across - shutters, curtains, voile - whatever works and close when you’re in at night and it’s dark and you can’t see view and you have lights on.
keep open in day for view when you can’t see in as easily.
I would def feel unnerved if neighbours could see in my house . It’s impossible to stop people looking or just glancing. It would be a big issue for me.

Do you not have fences, hedges, trees to shield you from your neighbours,?? If not, plant some. We couldn't look into our neighbours, even if we wanted to. Too much vegetation. Thank God. They can't see us either.

I must admit, this kind of thing doesn’t bother me at all. Our home backs onto a canal, we have a small patio space outside and then a fence and canal path. We have curtain fairy lights in the patio window as I love the look of them, and I never, ever close the actual curtains. I love watching the hairs go past and having a nosey outside. So anyone walking past down the canal at night can see right in and it doesn’t bother me one bit. But I can guess why people wouldn’t like this- different horses and all that.

Do you have them in your bedroom at least?