Neighbours should not look into my home?

[Happygonotlucky]

We have huge glass doors in our back extension. We got them to allow us to enjoy the view. My husband thinks we should have curtains as our neighbours can see into our kitchen/diner/family room, especially when lights are on in the evening, when they are outside in their gardens. He feels exposed/vulnerable to being watched.

I feel our neighbours should do the right thing and not stare into our home. Am I being unreasonable to not buy curtains for privacy and expect neighbours to do the right thing. One of our neighbours is a bit unfriendly and from time to time we have seen her staring and analysing our house.

Do you have curtain treatment for your glass doors? Do you care if your neighbours can see you living your life in your home? Do you think they should just do the right and polite thing and not stare and analyse what you have and are doing?

With all the reality tv going around you still crave that? You should come over to my house to see me having a tea and eating chocolates while reading a book or browsing the net when the kids are in bed. I definitely think you would be bored out to death seeing how must people live. The freakish one are all busy doing reality tv so just put the telly on.

What do you mean?
I've made dozens and dozens of curtains, blinds etc of all sizes and, comparing like with like, it's always far cheaper to make them.
When I make them they are custom made, I use very high quality fabric, often interline as well as line, handsew to attach linings and make hand made headings of different types( not tape). Comparing the price of me doing that for myself with the cost of the same made by someone else, making my own is infinitely cheaper.
If you compare the ones I make with ready mades made with cheap fabric and a basic pencil pleat then of course the bought ones would be cheaper, but that's not a valid comparison.

I think it's creepy to be watched in your own home even though you live an uninteresting life. I would not even like the possibility of someone staring at me while cleaning or whatever. But then I wouldn't put in giant windows in the first place.

Simply apply a reflective film to the windows. Then they’ll see nothing other than their own reflection

Polite people wouldn't stare. Is it really your experience that ALL people are polite? No, then you need to literally shut those ones out. It's like I should be able to leave my house unlocked at all times because people "shouldn't" go in and steal something from me. Most people wouldn't. But there are always some that will.

I'm totally sidetracked by these 'resentful intentions'. Eh, what's that now?

It honestly feels a bit like you want it all ways. You don’t want to compromise on your view, even at night, but you don’t want your neighbours to be able to see in, and you’re putting the onus on them to prevent it.

During Covid the man of the house opposite me was furloughed. He spent the entire day in his dressing gown, even going out into the street to chat to passers by wearing only that. I never once thought, “Ooh, let’s have a look at what dressing gown man’s doing” - he just happened not to use curtains and to keep the front door open all day in summer, so whenever I looked up, I could see what he was doing. I certainly didn’t deliberately peer in. Should I have asked him to get dressed so that I could avoid seeing him like that?

If you are going to build a house with massive glass that is overlooked, it is entirely up to you to implement curtains, plants, etc to block the view from people who have no choice but to overlook it!

When we used to live in a Victorian terrace, I loved it when the nights closed in and you got to look in on people's lives as you walked home. It's not being nosey. It's just being normal!

The crux of the matter is that whether or not they should, they ARE looking into your house.

You can moan about wanting privacy all you like but the simple fact is that they are going to do this as long as they can. Therefore the onus is on you to ensure that they cant and not just wish they would stop and then get pissed off that they dont. And as I said above, its bothering your husband, doesnt that bother you?

£5k for voiles and curtains is ridiculous. As a PP said "they saw you coming", unless that was a strategic move on your part to get your husband to back down, by finding a stupidly expensive quote. Voiles you can get from virtually every soft furnishing type shop and for a very very small fraction of the price you were quoted. A decent seamstress will make good quality curtains for you at much less than that too. And you will not being giving money to a chain but to an independent which is good for the soul and the economy.

It doesn't work at night when backlit.

But a well placed light pooling nicely across the facade can easily create a reflection strong enough to combat.

Yeah I used to love that when I lived in London! It was a strange feeling.

We have both a conservatory and summerhouse, so both glass. The summerhouse is absolutely covered up with plants to the point we've put a bath in there, and the conservatory absolutely has curtains. We've got land all around but aside from anyone peering in (which is a but nosy, but that's humans!), it'd be bloody cold without them!

Get the curtains!

Your DH deserves to feel comfortable in his own home. Get curtains.

Is it because they’re long? NEXT do extra long curtains. You may get some extra long IKEA curtains on eBay as IKEA do 3m long curtains on the continent. I bought some for my house from there. I have bifold doors. I have NEXT curtains on the smaller doors and IKEA on the larger ones. The IKEA ones are not wide enough so I have needed to double up. They look a lot more expensive than they are as they are as I hemmed them for a house with tall ceilings so they’re too long and pool / puddle.

No, I wouldn’t have curtains. I have a big kitchen with bi-folds and would never put any window treatment there. But we are not overlooked so we don’t have the privacy issue. Can you have dimmed lighting there that makes it less obvious to see in.

Doubt they’ll be interested enough to look
but in darkness tryout eye will naturally be drawn to the light

I’m with your husband and feel exposed and would hate it

I was just about to say this. I used to love walking home after work, when you could see in peoples windows, it used to be fascinating!

I have seen people with some sort if reflective coating on glass doors at front of house. Looks like mirror from outside but can still see out. Might be worth looking at.

I hate having the lights on and the curtains open, I just feel really exposed so can understand your DH point of view. We don't have curtains on the bifolds at the back but we are not overlooked at all so it's impossible for anyone to see in. However if we had houses behind I would 100% have curtains/blinds.

One of our neighbours has a very ‘open’ front window with no curtains/blinds and she always has the main light on. Peoples eyes are just drawn to look in due to the light.

Yeah this is why I would never have a big glass “wall” in my house. I would feel so uncomfortable and exposed.

The benefit of curtains is you can open or shut them. During the day you can enjoy the views. You're also less gold fish bowl like during the day. But when it's dark outside and all the lights are on and you're trying to relax you can shut them. No one is saying they have to be shut all the time.

It would be polite of the neighbours not to stare, but it's unreasonable of you to think you have any control over it. If you have a neighbour who stares, they're going to take full advantage of the fact that they have massive windows to stare at.

I've never encountered massive glass windows without curtains or blinds - it's as much to prevent light pollution from the inside as to get privacy.

Personally I wouldn't really be bothered by the idea of people seeing me through my windows but it's not unreasonable of your husband if he is bothered and wants to guarantee privacy so he can relax!

Do you have a back fence that blocks the view into your garden/ house from their living room? If so, I would not bother with curtains, but neither we do walk around naked or similar on the lower floor.
If there is no barrier, no way I would not have curtains.