to think boarding schools are no longer ok...

[BaklavaRocks]

Inspired by another thread, and some old YouTube documentaries I've recently watched, I can't help but feel boarding schools for under 13's (i.e. boarding prep schools) have had their time.

Maybe they used to be an acceptable option, but with all the research we now have available, showing the damage done by separation of young children from their parents, do you think boarding for v young kids (8/9/10/11) will eventually be banned except in v exceptional circumstances?

And if our politicians including past PMs like Johnson and Cameron were not a product of boarding schools, do you think they'd have more compassion and be less cut off from emotion and feelings? and better able to relate to us common folk?

And most of the SAHMs I knew sent their children to nursery at least a couple of days a week.

I'm a SAHM and I send my nearly three year old in three days a week between 08:30 and 16:00.

A lot of my rationale for this is to keep up with all the other kids that go to nursery.

It's not a disadvantage if they don't go. Which is utterly crazy.

Both my girls started boarding at almost 10. DD1 went to an amazing, country prep school which, unusually, still had a high number of boarders, so she had a brilliant time with tons of friends. They lived in the most beautiful buildings and had freedom to roam the extensive grounds. She was always super-independent and never experienced home-sickness. She went on to a full-boarding-only, selective senior school that people would think of as pushy, but she had the happiest years there. Now at uni, she'd go back to school in a heartbeat. She always said she just never wanted to leave - that it was just endless fun - in lessons, in sports, and in the evenings. We lived nearby for a lot of the time, so went to her sports matches every week. She has a huge circle of close friends who are all incredibly lovely, balanced, young adults.

DD2 wouldn't have coped in the selective environment, so she went to a straight-through school. She found friendships more difficult and tolerated it rather than loved it. She was happy to be there as it was better than the alternative (moving schools regularly), but was very happy to leave.

People always have very strong opinions on boarding, but in my experience, most of the kids are very happy there. There were always some who hated it, but were forced to stay by their parents - I'm sure this can't be good for them.

That very different, you were doing what was best for your child in unusual circumstances, it wasn't because you fancied being a trailing ex pat spouse

Well as long as the buildings were beautiful.
We went to collect a family member from her Boarding school for the weekend, she used to ask to come every weekend but we couldn't manage that.
DD was about the same age and she comment when we pulled up at the school full of beautiful buildings "sorry your parents don't want you to live at home but heres a lovely statue of a horse"

I agree with you wholeheartedly and many babies are put in at an even younger age. I’m an old fashioned Granny who believes that children should be raised by people who love them for the majority of the time. A couple of days a week of daycare they probably survive but to have parents for an hour in the morning and evening and weekends???? I think in 20 years time we will see the fallout. I don’t care if I get crucified for my belief as I know many parents actually share them deep down but feel they have no choice

The argument is probably used most often by wealthy parents who could afford a nanny before they sent their kids off to boarding school.

Maybe nurseries aren't ideal but often there isn't another option.
SAHP - cost of living too high for most households to manage on one wage.
Childminder- impossible to find in many areas.
Grandparents - have to work longer themselves before retiring so not available.

There is nearly always an alternative to boarding school.

My kids are 23, 20 and 20

In order to keep our jobs and registration we both had to work full time and our kids were all in full time nursery from a young age.

So here we are 20 plus years later and our kids and those kids they went to nursery with are all absolutely fine.

No fallout here thanks!!

In which universe do babies sleep all night?

I honestly think boarding school up to the age of 16 is hideous. Like a PP stated, even if the child appears happy now, there is no way there won't have been a detrimental affect which will show itself at some point in life.

We are mammals, we are supposed to be reared by our parents or at the very least, guardians that love us and care for us on an emotional level.

Perhaps parents that pack their children off to boarding school live by the logic they don't like nor love their children so perhaps the school teachers will?

Who the fuck knows what goes through the head of someone that sends a 6/7/8 year old to boarding school.

Most parents need to work, both of them. I don't know how the government are going to change that!

Well why aren't we "suffering the fallout" now because children have been placed in nurseries for way longer than that!? I know all of my 20-somethings have survived pretty well! All happy and thriving!!

I think in 20 years time we will see the fallout. I don’t care if I get crucified for my belief as I know many parents actually share them deep down but feel they have no choice

This isn't a new phenomenon, I was raised like this in the 80s and 90s as were most of my friends and family, I have nothing but wholesome and happy memories of my childhood (barring the usual trials and tribulations of life) and have good relationships with my parents.

Such a disappointing thread.

So many people with no experience desperate to impose their views on others.

If you aren't going to send your kids to boarding school or you have zero experience of it why is your opinion relevant?

It won't affect your kids (who are you to impose your views on others kids?) and you don't know anything about it.

@Dorisbonson do you only have opinions on things that directly impact you? Some of us will have had the option to use a boarding school but chose not to, that is still relevant experience, otherwise it would be pretty skewed?

Mumsnet would be a very quiet place if we all applied that rule.

For what it's worth, we would have a much wider choice of schools if we were prepared to send our children to boarding school, so it was a brief consideration and we did talk to friends who had been and did lot of research before ruling it out

Actually I think you will find that a lot of people commenting do have either direct and/or indirect experience of Boarding schools

Kids who are affected by boarding schools would more than likely be the ones with issues in ordinary schools.
Predisposition to mental health issues, they just manifest differently.
CAMHs lists aren't made up predominantly of boarders.

1,000000000% agree, OP

Can’t afford to move but can afford boarding school?

It’s not that there is no way to oversee the reasons for choosing boarding schools … it’s that the solutions proposed are unacceptable (to me, not to you).

One of the reasons that trying to adopt in the UK is so difficult is that you open yourself and your family up to being judged by someone who doesn’t share your values. A PP said that she is a single mother who would be able to earn more if her daughter did some flexi boarding. I consider this a perfectly good reason (not that it is any of my business) - would the ex child protection workers?

Great. I can comment then and it's valid.

Both my parents went to boarding school for very different reasons.

Yes I would say it's impacted them and in turn me...

Noone with money needs a CAHMS referral. That's a pointless illustration.

Haven’t you heard of bursaries and scholarships? If a child has the talent but not the financial resources available that’s how it’s accomplished, alongside applying to charitable trusts that support the niche world my DC inhabits. Hope that answers your query….😀

I went to a boarding school as a day pupil. For a time my mum wanted me to board, but I was horrified by the idea, even though I loved school. I felt like I’d never be able to switch off and didn’t like the idea of having all my free time scheduled or having to share a bedroom with a load of other people, who weren’t even my friends. Plus the showers and toilets were communal blocks, which horrified me.

Husband and his younger brother - both in late 40s didn’t attend boarding school. Both show empathy in general and are pretty ok in general. Two older brothers - aged 60 - went to boarding school from age 7. Both have major issues with empathy and other problems and resent their parents.