to think boarding schools are no longer ok...

[BaklavaRocks]

Inspired by another thread, and some old YouTube documentaries I've recently watched, I can't help but feel boarding schools for under 13's (i.e. boarding prep schools) have had their time.

Maybe they used to be an acceptable option, but with all the research we now have available, showing the damage done by separation of young children from their parents, do you think boarding for v young kids (8/9/10/11) will eventually be banned except in v exceptional circumstances?

And if our politicians including past PMs like Johnson and Cameron were not a product of boarding schools, do you think they'd have more compassion and be less cut off from emotion and feelings? and better able to relate to us common folk?

Not necessarily, if that is realistically the only way to keep a roof over the family's heads.

Na I don't buy that.

Really? When all the research shows how damaging that is for a child's education?
Read:
t.co/M8LCVtCZyL

It's not that simple.

DD was keen to board because she is a very gregarious extrovert who is an only child and lives with introvert parents in the middle of nowhere. She plays multiple instruments and is very focused on a music career. Juggling lessons, practice times, performances plus school work and other extracurricular interests means that she very rarely has any downtime and most of that is spent on trains. When she is home, she's either practising, doing homework or online with her friends.

The music is her choice, and I would not dare try and interfere in what she does. I haven't told her to practice since she was about 8.

Boarding school would have given her all of that on one site, plus a built in social life with other girls her age. I felt very guilty for a long time that there was just no way we could afford it plus all the extras.

When I was at boarding school, all but one of my siblings was there too - it wasn't as if I was totally alone.

British people who work abroad are choosing to do so. And even then, it is normally only one of them who has a job abroad. The other parent could remain in the UK and have the children at home.

Having children means your life changes. You can't live your life as you might have done before.

So you agree that one parent should stay at home for the early years and no baby should be packed off to nursery?

I think if you were going to design, from scratch, a system where the abuse of children could flourish, you'd probably come up with the traditional boarding school. Lots of young children, geographically isolated from their parents. No way to escape at night. A closed system where you can spend weeks at a time on the premises. Everyone - adults and children - believing it's a great privilege and opportunity to be able to attend. The single biggest asset of the school being their reputation, so everyone has a huge incentive to cover up. And the parents have made a massive financial commitment, so they won't want to hear 'this is a terrible idea'.

My dad was a weekly boarder. He is in his seventies now and it still affects him today. I would never, ever send my children away to board.

I think people should follow the research. That shows for under threes childminder, SAHM or grandparents is the best option, in a family style environment. By 3 nurseries have clear benefits.
Boarding schools are damaging for children, like all institutions. Children do best at home, unless the parents are abusive or terrible parents.

Babies at nursery come home at the end of every day, its not the same at all.
Its a tired argument thats often used when talking about Boarding schools.

As I said, for a very very small group of children it may be the best option but if you don't mind answering what about you? Why were you at Boarding school?

It was nice your sister was there but she wasn't a parent,it wasn't unusual at my school for the younger kids to cling to the older ones even if they weren't related

I'd say it's far more damaging putting a tiny, non-verbal child in a setting without their main carer for the majority of their waking hours day after day then it is sending a 13 year old who actively want to go, to a weekly boarding school where they can phone/FaceTime their parents daily and have a team of people looking out for their well-being.

If think if it is at all possible yes. It doesn't have tobe one parent for example 2 parents could work 3 or 4 days each with maybe a grandparent picking up the other day really until 3. If this isn't possible then a nanny or childminder is probably better.

Say I agree with you (I don't ) are you saying that because Nursery isn't an ideal environment for young children its fine to send them away from age 11 or whatever?
2 very different things and I have no idea why using a nursery justifies the existence of Boarding schools - I have never used either by the way but only one of them horrifies me as a concept.

I'd say it's far more damaging putting a tiny, non-verbal child in a setting without their main carer for the majority of their waking hours day after day then it is sending a 13 year old who actively want to go, to a weekly boarding school where they can phone/FaceTime their parents daily and have a team of people looking out for their well-being.

Hmm...would like to see some research to back that up...

I attended the prep school featured in the YouTube video from age 8. My experience was horrendous. My dad was in the Army and so my parents had little option but to send me to boarding school, but it was a brutal experience being plucked from home and deposited there, only allowed "out" one weekend each side of half term. I was bullied. Some of the teachers were... well let's say I doubt they'd be in the profession nowadays.

That said, having watched that TV programme it appears that there is far more (ie there is some) focus on pastoral care now. But in my view before secondary school is still too early for children to be sent away from home. None of my children have attended boarding school, nor have any of the children of anyone I know who boarded.

Well I am Inclined to agree with that comment actually.

There is no research that says that. The research says under threes do best in a family type environment and that can be a SAHM, childminder or grandparents. There is ZERO research that says babies and toddlers who are only looked after by their parents do better than those who who are looked after by parents and other regular care givers.
There is LOTS of evidence that boarding schools are damaging.

I grew up very rurally, my mother was disabled and my father was a doctor working extremely long hours and never home until midnight. Boarding offered us the opportunity to have a much more normal life with friends, extra curricular activities etc

All the other children that lived anywhere near us went to boarding schools, and I came from a family where boarding was the norm so we always knew that we would board for secondary school and were actively excited about the prospect.

My brother chose to leave for 6th form - my sisters all chose to stay boarding (we had the choice).

I am also aware that most of those supporting boarding schools say they loved their boarding school. That alone makes me wonder about the death of their emotional capacity. Because it is not realistic to just love a school. In reality a child might enjoy being at a school and be happy with it, but it will not be perfect. There will be things they do not like or are unhappy about. And if your child is at boarding school and you are not aware of anything they do not like or are unhappy about, then i suspect they are just presenting a sanitised version to you, or telling you what you want to hear.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow I am sorry your parents were not prepared to move house to meet their children's needs.

Can't just go banning them on vague motions of being "bad". Macdonalds and iPads are bad for children but seem to be introduced from pushchair age.

Of course it's very hard to interview people about whether they were happy at nursery at 14 months.

Thank You
Not that you need me to approve it or anything but again, I would say that you were one of a VERY small number of children where Boarding was the best option.
Its where Boarding benefits the parents not the children that I feel particularly strongly about it and thats usually the case.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow the research is robust and based on experts observing children and looking at outcomes. There have been lots of studies. A friend when doing her PhD helped out with one study. She spent ages observing and recording tiny interactions and behaviour.

They are but I don't see many claiming that they are great for children, unlike boarding schools.I would be horrified if my DC said they actively wanted to board and would take it as a reflection of the quality of their family life.

Funnily enough, people in rural areas quite like having doctors available. Or perhaps only those with no children should be permitted to work there?

And please don't feel sorry - I loved boarding school and I loved holidays with my parents and have a great relationship with them.